C'est Non Un Blog

So I’m cleaning my apartment, getting it ready for a guest to come over. The living room and the bathroom are clean again, mainly because I threw everything I didn’t know what to do with in my bedroom. Thank god no one is looking it there. It looks like my dresser went on a late night bender after having Mexican and blew its goods all over the room.

So I go to shut my door, so no one may see this monstrosity cocoon that I sleep in. I’ve never shut my bedroom door all the way before, mainly because my door really sticks so there is no reason to pull it all the way shut. I didn’t mean to pull it all the way shut. It didn’t close at first, popping back open just wide enough to let anyone with a curious eye sneak a glance inside. So I pulled harder on the doorknob, a little too hard, and I was actually surprised that the door pulled all the way shut. And at that moment I knew instinctively that something was wrong.

So now the door won’t open. Great. The doorknob just spins and spins when I turn it. Fuck. Oddly my first instinct isn’t cursing the world and how it mistreats me. That was 2008 Ben. 2009 is going to be better. I laugh. It’s funny. I just locked myself out of my own bedroom. With a door that doesn’t even have a lock. What the hell, right? I’m just glad I wasn’t in my bedroom when this happened. Outside I have everything I need to survive. I have tools to get the door open. Inside I would have been trapped with no way out. Not good.

So now my bedroom door has no doorknob.

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So I watched My So-Called Life for the first time this week and…I totally love it. Anyone who wishes to geek out may tie up my comment section with important conversations like: Where the hell is Tino? and What’s up with everyone seeing dead people around the holidays???

One of the things I missed most about moving from the East Coast was the snow. Not only did it tell you when you passed from one season to the next, but it looks damn pretty. Last year we got snow maybe twice in Seattle, but it was a really wet, messy snow that was gone within hours. And that was that.

This year, not so much. We’ve gotten quite a bit of snow in Seattle in the last week and a half. Of course, in New York it would barely be considered anything of consequence, but in Seattle, well lets just say the end of the world comes to mind. Everything has shut down, it’s amazing. You can’t do anything, go anywhere. The roads are covered with a good 1-4″ of solid ice on them. Just walking down the sidewalk is an adventure. It is quite an isolating feeling.

Some of the ways NY and SEA are different: In New York if you stood on a busy intersection you would probably see a snow plow drive by several times in an hours span. In Seattle I have yet to see a single plow, outside of the news. In NY half the pickup trucks you see have plows on the front. Here, none. In NY I never saw chains of a vehicle before. In Seattle almost everyone has chains on their tires. Pure insanity.

Just trying to take the bus is an adventure. What should normally take me 15-20 minutes to get to work now takes between a hour fifteen to two hours. Even riding on the bus makes it feel like you are skating on ice. Roads are closed everywhere, and it doesn’t even look like a person has touched them since putting up the road closed signs. Pure insanity, definitely something I’ll never forget.

Isn’t it weird that when we go out to eat it is seen as odd, or at least socially unacceptable to order the same food as someone else? Why is this? Nobody finds it odd that if you are invited over to someone’s house for dinner that you are all eating essentially the same meal….

Why is it that a new bar of soap is always so much soapier than an almost gone bar of soap? Is all the good stuff on the outside of the bar? I hate wasting that last sliver of soap but you can’t get anything clean with it! What’s up with that?

[Special bonus new blacksploitation trailer below!]

So my boss has a degree in psychiatry and I decide to ask him today if he knew anything about dream analysis. I had a weird dream the night before that had left me a little unsettled and I was wondering if he could help me figure out what it was about. Let’s just say that as soon as he started telling me what it meant I knew immediately what it meant and regretted instantly opening my mouth. Thank god I left out one key detail of the dream because that could have led to one very embarrassing situation. Let that be a lesson to you all: Keep your subconscious at home.

The Matrix Runs on Windows