So I’m cleaning my apartment, getting it ready for a guest to come over. The living room and the bathroom are clean again, mainly because I threw everything I didn’t know what to do with in my bedroom. Thank god no one is looking it there. It looks like my dresser went on a late night bender after having Mexican and blew its goods all over the room.

So I go to shut my door, so no one may see this monstrosity cocoon that I sleep in. I’ve never shut my bedroom door all the way before, mainly because my door really sticks so there is no reason to pull it all the way shut. I didn’t mean to pull it all the way shut. It didn’t close at first, popping back open just wide enough to let anyone with a curious eye sneak a glance inside. So I pulled harder on the doorknob, a little too hard, and I was actually surprised that the door pulled all the way shut. And at that moment I knew instinctively that something was wrong.

So now the door won’t open. Great. The doorknob just spins and spins when I turn it. Fuck. Oddly my first instinct isn’t cursing the world and how it mistreats me. That was 2008 Ben. 2009 is going to be better. I laugh. It’s funny. I just locked myself out of my own bedroom. With a door that doesn’t even have a lock. What the hell, right? I’m just glad I wasn’t in my bedroom when this happened. Outside I have everything I need to survive. I have tools to get the door open. Inside I would have been trapped with no way out. Not good.

So now my bedroom door has no doorknob.