C'est Non Un Blog

I should have gone to last night’s midnight screening like I wanted to…

Stupid weather. It’s been a real bitch lately. Doesn’t it know what day it is? If it does it’s laughing at me right now, spilling out rain that’s turned the roads into slippery half ice/half slush/half yuck and making it damn near impossible for me to go out tonight. Then tomorrow it snows, canceling plans for that night too. I could maybe go out Friday night, but as I’m already going to see RotK Sunday with my family what would be the point? I mean I could just clog my pours with Tolkien goodness, but at three and a half hours would my ass thank me for such abuse? Damn dilemmas.

Stupid fucking winter. The roads are always shit up here.

So at the beginning of November I make a bid on eBay for Coffy and Foxy Brown, coming off of the goodness that was Jackie Brown and I send out my check on November 5th. Time goes by and I hear nothing so I email the guy and ask him if he is getting close to shipping yet. He says he hasn’t gotten my check yet (let it also be known that he responds to his emails like four days after I sent mine, only further pissing me off). Time goes by, I write him again. Still nothing.

Today I get an email from him saying he just got my check and he wants to know if it is still good. I say yes, and please God get me my DVDs before Christmas (and under my breath, YOU ASSHOLE!). How the hell does it take over five weeks to get a letter from New York to Florida? Somebody dropped the ball there, and I want to know who!

Wow. Sunday was a good day for news. The second Nor-easter in a week hit, Saddam was finally caught, and Sandra won Survivor Panama!

Thank God it was Sandra that won. Lill didn’t deserve it (forgetting the fact that she was actually voted off once, there is also the fact that she was completely inept when it came to playing the game) and Jon was such an asshole that there is no way anyone would want him to win. You got to hand it to Sandra for being able to keep out of the spotlight and allow other people to rip each other to shreds instead of come after her.

Who’d a thought that Lill would be the one to win the final immunity? Not me. I was sure the final two would be Jon and Sandra. That’s about the only time that she ever looked like she was playing the game. Man she was a drama queen. When she was reading her letters from home I wanted to just reach out and slap her. She had more periods where I thought she was going to have a mental breakdown than any other survivor I’ve seen. I’m surprised that Jon wasn’t able to con his way into the final two though. Shows how good a player he really is.

So on to the great moments of the show. First of all the questions at the final tribal council were the best ever. Way to get down to business and not just ask, “What’s your favorite color” crap questions of past shows. And the answers really showed who should have won. Sandra stayed composed and told the truth without pissing anyone off while Lill seemed to get more irritated and pissed off as time went on. Honestly, for a woman who was so against having on the Boyscout’s uniform did it make any sense to wear it again for the live show? Rightfully the vote was a landslide, although what the hell was up with T? Her reason for voting Lill didn’t even make any sense.

The reunion show was kind of crap. While it was nice to see Rupert all happy and it was interesting to see that Jon’s “dead” grandmother the complete opposite of dead (looking quite young and healthy) none of the real questions were really answered. Come on, no one wanted to rip into Jon at all? The best we got was having all the women say they would never go out with him (well, duh!). And what about Osten? He got a pretty gentle reception considering how bitchy Jeff was about him quitting. Although we did get a nice shot of hit drowning in the remember the past survivors segment. Burn! And why didn’t we ever get to hear Sandra speak at the reunion show? What was up with that?

As for what is to come, I can’t fucking wait for Survivors All Stars. I just really wished that CBS would have actually had a clip or something to show us. I really want to know who’s going to be on that show. Come on, throw me a bone here! I need to know!

——Branded to Kill——

(A)

Although I loved the mind-bending Technicolor camera work of Seijun Suzuki’s other film on Criterion DVD, Tokyo Drifter, the plot wasn’t great, and at times was a little confusing (I assume purposefully so. Seijun was really playing with the production line scripts he was given making a movie that was all style, so much so that the studio demanded he “play it straight next time”). No such problem with Branded to Kill. Although unfortunately this film is in black and white, the cinematography is brilliant, and the plot and style are very reminiscent of a French New Wave film. The plot is much tighter in this film and a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

The film is about No. 3, a hired killer who is aroused by the smell of rice cooking. Although he has sex with his wife in all sorts of weird places (Suzuki makes a joke of this by cutting back to the immaculately made bed that hasn’t been touched) like wild animals, he soon becomes infatuated with a woman who gives him his final job in pure crazy Hitchcock style. Because of a butterfly obscuring his vision for a brief second on the job he kills the wrong person and thus the organization he works for aims to rub him out for his failure. The final act of the film has No. 1 playing a sadistic game of cat and mouse with him, until he ultimately actually moves in with him in a bizarro Odd Couple fashion.

The movie is an insane, over-the-top take on a generic genre picture and is a whole lot of fun to watch. The camera work is superb. I totally recommend you check out this movie.

——Sister Street Fighter——

(A)

This is like camp movie heaven. It’s as if the director watched a whole bunch of Bruce Lee and James Bond movies on drugs, and then decided to make a movie out of the combination. The whole thing is just crazy and hilarious. Finally a Sonny Chiba movie I can call a favorite.

A few things to clear up first though. Although there is a sister in the movie, and she is a street fighter, she’s not the sister to THE Street Fighter, Sonny Chiba. Also if that wasn’t confusing enough, although Chiba is listed in the credits as The Street Fighter, he’s not actually the character from the Street Fighter movies. In fact he doesn’t really have much of a character at all, and instead is just a cool cameo guest star who appears occasionally (and usually randomly) to kick some ass. The real star is the sister (who I think is the same actress that was the “dragon princess”).

The plot: The sister is called to Hong Kong when her brother, operating undercover in a drug ring, disappears. The sister tracks him back to a drug czar in Japan who acts like a crazed Japanese Bond villain. Also, he’s surrounded himself with a bunch of trained killers who are absolutely HILARIOUS. There is this guy who wears a red jump suit and has two nunchuks and screams like a girl whenever he attacks. There is Hammerhead, who dresses like a traditional samurai and has a gang that travels with him that wear black leather masks that look like giant Buggles. There is a group of woman Thai boxers who call themselves the Amazons and wear those 1930’s Flintstone’s-esq leopard print caveman dresses and weird paper mache masks. And there are SO many more. It’s fantastic.

Thankfully with so many villains the movie is chockfull of fights and ass kicking, in the most extreme Bruce Lee HIIIIYAAAA! fashion. It’s excellent. The acting is camp-tastic and the villains secret underground lair has plenty of extreme fashion sense and bizarre traps (a pit full of spikes; a trap door say, oh, in the middle of nowhere). Add to that more cheesy cliches than you can handle and the fact that the villain’s master plot is to soak wigs in heroin in order to get them through customs (making this probably the only movie where the line “Quick, put out the fire! You must save the wigs!” has been uttered) and you have the makings of one of the best movies EVER!

——Rambo III——

(C+)

Is anyone else a little confused by the title of this movie? Isn’t it really Rambo II: First Blood Part III? Oh well, I’m nit-picking. This first half of this movie really blows. Lots of lame dialog delivered flat, or lots of inspired dialog that quickly becomes preachy and annoying. It’s all just really bad and boring, and not really worth sitting through. The problem with Rambo is that he has no sense of irony. Same thing happened to a lot of action stars in the 80’s, most notably James Bond in License to Kill. No one wants to see that. The best thing the revamp of Bond in the 90’s did with Goldeneye was to start making joking reference of the quickly becoming stale cliches of the genre. Rambo could use a little shot in the arm of that.

That said, once the shit hits the fan Rambo sure is a fun action hero to have around. I love it when he pulls out the explosive tipped arrows (where the hell did he even get them?). He’s always doing everything to excess, and that’s what I like about Rambo. From Stallone’s super pumped body to the scene where Rambo cauterizes a wound by pouring gunpowder in the wound and lighting it, everything about Rambo is super hardcore. I love the now cliché sequence where he picks Russians off one by one in increasingly hilarious situations. The movie should play that stuff up more.

But nothing is quite as funny as when Rambo takes out a tank with a single Moltov cocktail and then plays chicken with a helicopter. The tank is hit with numerous tank busting missiles by the helicopter (didn’t Rambo just take it out with a little flaming alcohol?) and seems to keep moving forward just by Rambo’s sheer willpower. Then there is the scene where Rambo screams, which is quickly cut with the helicopter, actually running into the tank and exploding. Hilarious! Rambo climbs out of the tank with no more injury than being a little shaken up. Classic Rambo. The movie needed more of that.

One thing about the DVD. It has a surprisingly good and comprehensive documentary on the history of Afghanistan that you should really check out if you still aren’t exactly sure why we are now fighting a war there against the Taliban after the Russians already tried and failed there. It’s a shame that after the Russians pulled out, so did we, because if we actually helped build a democracy there there would be no 9/11 and considerably less terrorism.

——Shogun’s Ninja——

(D-)

Oh man, several times I questioned my sanity in the need to watch all of this. It’s SO bad! The shame of it all is that it might not have been so bad if there had been a few small changes made to it.

Before the movie even started there was something wrong with it. Whoever made the DVD took the pan and scan version and letterboxed it. Why, I don’t know, but it looks like crap. I’ll take my fullscreen any day, thank you. But to the movie itself: This movie has absolutely, positively THE WORST soundtrack ever. This is a historical movie that tells the (fictional) account of how the Tokogawa period of Japan got started and the soundtrack sounds like the easy listening jazz version of the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack. Important characters die and instead of feeling sad you want to get a bag of frozen peas or step off of an elevator. It is totally mismatched with the action, and not even in a hilarious way. Just a bad, BAD way.

Add to that the fact that the main character becomes a flaming closet homosexual halfway through the movie (he starts dancing at one time for no reason at all, and ditches his traditional traveling garb for a short-short bathrobe) and not even the fact that Sonny Chiba was the fight choreographer can save this mess. Some of the fights are kind of cool (that’s why the movie isn’t a F) but you really can’t enjoy them because of all of the other crap in this movie. Stay the hell away from this mess.

——Fists of the White Lotus——

(A)

This movie manages to be both a remake and a sequel to the excellent Executioners from Shaolin at the same time, and is just as entertaining, if not more so, than that movie. It’s really more of a preference thing, do you prefer a more epic storyline (Executioners) or do you prefer more awesome kung fu (White Lotus)?

This is a remake in that the basic plotline is the same but at the same time Pai Mei (if you remember correctly this is the old guy that could suck his balls into his abdomen; also he is the character Gordon Liu will be playing in Kill Bill Volume 2) is killed by two brothers working in unison in the opening sequence. The Ching take revenge against the Shaolin schools who have just been released from prison by killing them all, and the master of the White Lotus clan who pretty much looks and fights like Pai Mei but isn’t tracks down the brothers that killed him. I missed how they were related, but I think they are brothers and his real name is Pak Mei (usually he’s referred to as White Lotus).

The one brother is killed, so the other brother (Gordon Liu) tries to train with his brother’s wife so that he can learn both brother’s styles and combine them as one to defeat Pak Mei. Pak Mei kicks his ass though, as he has a new technique that Pai Mei never had–he’s as light as the wind and will blow away from the force of Liu’s blows. The brother’s wife then teaches him a technique based on needlework that’s more gentle and feminine, and after perfecting that he goes after Pak Mei for a final showdown.

The movie is basically one of two scenes, either a hilarious one where the impatient Liu is trying to learn better kung fu to avenge his brother’s death or one in which he takes on Pak Mei. The latter scenes are spectacular and are both well-choreographed and fun to watch. The final battle takes on almost superhuman qualities as the two fighters use bizarre techniques to ward off the other’s blows. It’s a really excellent kung fu movie, well worth checking out as a double header with Executioners from Shaolin.

——Bruce Almighty——

(C+)

The movie really could have been a lot better, but it doesn’t really offer you anything more than the trailers give you. There’s a lot of lame hokey dialog that’s well beneath the talent of Jim Carrey and he struggles admirably to do the most with what little he has to go on. The soundtrack is also pretty bad, reminding more of a Beethoven movie than a big Hollywood comedy. I’m really surprised it made the money it did. And at the end it really became a movie with a theme It’s a Wonderful Life did a whole lot better.

Speaking of which, I managed to catch the last 15 minutes of that movie on NBC after we were done watching videos. Isn’t the end of that movie great? It’s both the most heartwarming and freakishly disturbing thing you’ve ever seen at the same time. Here is a guy who was just shown how shitty life would be without him, and when everything is finally back the way it was you’ve got this crazy man running up and down the streets cheering over, just to name a few, blood trickling out of his mouth, random buildings, his totaled car and the fact that he’s going to be arrested. If I saw this I’d think maybe he hit his head a little too hard in the accident. Then there is the hilarious part in the movie where Ingred Bergman shows up trying to tell him how the town came out to save his business and he can’t stop making out with her. Not that I blame him, but really man, get a room!

——Hud——

(A)

This was a lot more like Last Picture Show than I was expecting, but that’s a good thing. Great acting, great writing, great black and white cinematography. It’s really rare now day’s that you see a movie that’s actually about something and doesn’t try to rush itself in saying what it has to say. Hud’s a real dick but never one-note or cliché. He can be charming and he can be thrilling, but after you get to know him a little bit you really don’t want to be around him. He’s completely self-centered and a really miserable person to be around. That the movie was able to tell all of this slowly, giving out information as it was needed, in a great character drama makes this a really interesting movie to watch. And the cast is just great. This could just as well be a documentary, and I think that makes this a must see movie.

——Something’s Gotta Give——

(A)

I wasn’t really expecting to much here, especially since Nancy Meyer’s other movie, What Woman Want, was a typical “chick flick”–cute and yet nauseating in its simplicity and lack of depth at the same time. I’m not really sure if this screenplay was much better, but there does have to be something said about how she lets the relationships in this movie draw out naturally over the course of almost 2 hours and 10 minutes. The real saving grace of this film however is the acting, which is just brilliant, especially Diane Keaton who manages to steal every scene in the movie and somehow is able to be the only actor I can think of to drag your attention away from Jack. He’s great too, don’t get me wrong, but this is really Keaton’s movie and she holds it up magnificently. Her comic timing is just perfect, and if she doesn’t manage to get an Oscar nomination out of this role I’ll be surprised. She and Jack are perfect together, and their perfect acting and great chemistry together make this movie so much fun to watch. It’s real, not cliché, and that’s what I really liked about it. It’s a whole lot of fun to watch, and funny as hell.

Well damn. It’s snowing again. The second Nor-Easter to come up this way in a week. And just after I finished all that shoveling. What a bitch! Well, I can start to begin to predict what I’m going to be doing this week.

At least they finally found old Saddam. And boy did he look pathetic. I mean really, really sad. At least the Bush administration has finally done at least one thing right.

Congratulations! You’re Pippin!

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When playing on the game Survivor one of the things you should really avoid is to win a trip away from your tribe during the most crucial point in the game. If you do win though, that’s all right. You can still win and work around that. But the one thing you never EVER, absolutely never want to do is to take your one and only ally with you on that trip, leaving the rest of the tribe to plot a scheme behind your back.

Although Jon and Burton had pretty good reason to feel confident at this point in the game (let’s face it, these last three girls are DUMB) nothing the women did was quite as dumb as leaving them all alone to talk amongst themselves. I mean, come on. What the hell were you thinking? You’re arrogance and greed is definitely going to be your downfall. Did the two of them really think that they could tell each girl that they would be in the final three and NOT expect them to talk together while they were away? I realize the girls are dumb, but how dumb do you think they can be?

Besides the above mentioned fatal error, they also made another big miscalculation, and that was to dismiss Lill. Lill can be led around like dumb cattle, but start mumbling about how she might not be in the final three, and then go against her alliance with Darrah without even talking to Lill like an actual part of their group and Lill is going to rebel. When Jon and Burton lost the game was when they stopped talking to the other Survivors like people and just started talking down to them. Amen that the girls actually grew some willpower this time around and got rid of dumbass Burton (I know quite a few people that probably would have stopped watching if one of the guys didn’t leave).

Speaking of Burton, he has the dubious honor of being the first Survivor to ever be voted out of the game TWICE. And not that he didn’t deserve it both times either. The first time he acted like a drunken fratboy around the camp and had the nerve to make fun of Rupert’s skirt. After he came back he acted a little better for a while, but I think that was only a ruse to keep everyone from voting him out again immediately. His true jackass nature came through again though, and I don’t think anyone but Jon was sorry to see him go. (Another first: I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen the whole jury so delighted to see someone get voted off.)

Then there was the most bizarre part of this Survivor yet. The part where Burton said that Lill should be ashamed of herself for breaking their alliance in his final words. Wait a minute, back this truck up! Didn’t you just write her name down five minutes prior to saying this? Where the hell does he think he gets the nerve? He probably broke the alliance long before she did. And maybe it would have made sense if he said that in front of her, but all alone? What good did that do, you arrogant bastard? Good riddance Burton, hopefully yet again Jon will be riding your coattails.

Sandra is becoming even more fun to watch. It’s too bad she didn’t get to put into motion her sabotage plan. That would have been a whole lot of fun. And who wasn’t cheering when Jon made Sandra promise on her children to stick with him and Burton, and she lied through her teeth to him. Why he would expect her to tell the truth when he’s already sworn on his (un)dead grandmother a million times is beyond me. Honestly you would expect these guys to be a little brighter. They knew when they got back that something was wrong, and yet so confident they were that they brushed it off as nothing. Fools.

The two-hour season finale on Sunday is going to be an interesting one, but is anyone else actually looking forward more to the reunion show? Oh man, that’s going to be catfight central. I can’t wait!

——

I was going to write earlier this week on the season finale of Average Joe, but never got around to it. Here are just a few quick thoughts:

Well, this proves it. Woman can be just as shallow as men. I was so sure that the show was rigged (that the Joe would win) that I almost didn’t watch, only to be completely blown away when she chose the pretty guy. Why? Adam, the Joe, was funny, intelligent, kind, and an all around great guy and ideal boyfriend, and OH YEAH, he’s also a millionaire. She obviously had a strong connection with him too. And yet she went with the other guy who was pretty, a great kisser and…um…huh. Their big connection was that they both had similar childhoods, in that both moved to their permanent home when they were three and that both’s parents had their baby shoes bronzed. THAT’S a love connection? My God, Melana is shallow.

Of course I could have told you that from about episode two or three. Her first crush was on the jackass of the group, and SURPRISE, SURPRISE he was the prettiest one of them all. Only after she saw the hidden camera video and saw what a real jerk he was did she get rid of him. Then comes the next pretty face and again a crush. Let’s face it Melana, there is a reason you’re still single. You’re vapid and uninteresting. If this show was suppose to teach you anything, the point was obviously lost on you. I never really found her that interesting anyway though, so maybe Adam is the one who lucked out.

And poor Adam. The second hour of the season finale set up that his favorite movie was Rocky and then they did a really lame Rocky clip show with him. Of course if everyone remembers right, Rocky lost in the first movie. He just went the distance. Same with Adam. Here’s hoping his Rocky II has him winning too.

——The Wedding Singer——

(A-)

Definitely among Adam Sandler’s best films, this is one of the few movies where he doesn’t actually act like a jackass and is instead just a really fun quirky guy to be around. The film has a real nice sweet romance that isn’t going to make the male audience gag, and the eighties soundtrack somehow manages to balance the fine line of actually making fun of the era and embracing it at the same time. And then there is Drew Barrymore. Before this film I had a really low opinion of her, but really she’s never been funnier or cuter than in this film. I doubt I was the only one to fall in love with her with Sandler’s wedding singer. A great comedy.

——The Outlaw Josey Wales——

(A-)

Clint Eastwood hasn’t quite become a master director yet and the plot can get a little hokey at times, but otherwise this is a really fun episodic Western. I kind of wished that the plot dealt a little more with the change from farm family man to Confederate outlaw or dealt more with his feelings of revenge, but I did like that the plot was ultimately about a man who lost his soul regaining it again by developing his own surrogate family with some Indians and pilgrims that he picks up running from the Union. In doing this the enemy isn’t the Union army but the loss of loyalty and traditional values. It’s more of a rally against the quickly approaching modernization and the alienation that it causes than a promotion of the Confederate agenda, and I really liked that. A nice Western.

——Once Upon a Time in the West——

(A+)

Before the Spring of 2002 I really loathed Westerns and paid them no heed. I wouldn’t be caught dead renting or going to the theater to see a Western. Sure I liked my space and samurai Westerns, and my Cowboy Bebop, but the Western as a Western just seemed like a dull dry genre to me. Then I watched The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and my perceptions of the genre were seriously changed. Leone did with the genre exactly what I wanted to see in a Western, and as a director he did things with the camera and editing that completely blew my mind. This was definitely something different. Although I liked Fistful of Dollars and A Few Dollars More they weren’t quite the same experience as when I saw TG,TB,ATU. And then I finally got to see Once Upon a Time in the West.

I love everything about this movie. The soundtrack is amazing. The acting great. Leone gets shots even more impressive than those in TGTBATU. Somehow he gets a close up on the eyes even closer than before. And then there is the editing. What I love about Leone’s style is that he can take a showdown and turn it into an Olympic event of anticipation. He prolongs the moment as long as humanly possible, ever growing the tension until you get to that moment where you are like, “why the hell am I even watching this?” and then BAM! He shows you why you are watching this and totally makes it worth it. He slows time down to almost a standstill and then cuts to furious action in the blink of an eye. Leone has taken the Japanese style of using time and changed it into an amazing hyper-real art.

I love the fact that until at least an hour into the film you still don’t even know what the hell it is about. Leone’s been too busy setting up all of the pieces and drawing you into this world that he hasn’t even bothered with plot yet. He’ll get to it eventually, but first you have to create the world. The opening sequence is astounding in what it does. It seems to condense High Noon into a ten-minute short film that’s all about style. It’s kind of brilliant what he does, using the tedium of boredom to built tension for whenever the train gets there, while all the while we don’t know who’s on the train but we can’t wait for them to get off. And it’s just shot so damn beautifully.

I could keep going but I don’t really see a point. You know I think it’s awesome. This is must see cinema.

——Invincible Shaolin——

(A-)

Damn it, the Manchus are at it again. This time they want to get rid of the Shaolin schools so they bring in three superior members of the Northern Shaolin to come in and challenge the Southern Shaolin, and the Southern school is soundly beaten. The Manchu general then kills the three Southern Shaolin members and makes it look as if the North had done it. Obviously you now know where this is all going. Although the plot isn’t very deep it’s really well handled, and the training sequences that take up the majority of the middle of the film are pretty awesome to watch. Stallone training in Russia in Rocky IV ain’t got nothing on the guy training for the Mantis style. While this movie won’t blow your mind it is still a really solid piece of entertainment with some great kung fu in it.

——The Bodyguard——

(B-)

This Sonny Chiba movie is actually pretty unspectacular, thanks to the crap factory that is the Japanese B-movie industry. There is some all right action in it and some random nudity, but nothing really any better than what you could get in the Street Fighter movies. The movie is notable for two things though: The movie opens with the quote from the Bible Jules likes to say before he kills someone in Pulp Fiction (this movie is where Quentin got it) only in the line at the end that starts “And you will know that I am the Lord…” instead of the Lord it says SONNY CHIBA as THE BODYGUARD. I found that quite amusing. Also as the movie starts it shows random people in the woods doing karate moves, all the while chanting VIVA CHIBA, VIVA CHIBA…etc. Funny stuff.

Anyway, the plot is that Sonny Chiba plays interestingly enough a character called Sonny Chiba, who is halfway between being the movie star Chiba and the character he plays in the Street Fighter films. He wants to take down drug dealers in Japan, and of course the easiest way to do that is to go on TV and become the bodyguard of someone who knows something about drug dealers. Based on some flawed piece of logic I never picked up on, he never actually ASKS her what she knows, and instead just kicks the asses of those yakuza that try to kill her. I think that’s where the movie lost me. Also I’m sick of him being in these movies where he fights gangs with guns, instead of just kicking ass, Chiba style. Anyway, this movie is all right, but nothing to write home about.

——The Silence——

(A)

I finally finished up Ingmar Bergman’s film trilogy, and this might just be my favorite one of the bunch (for those with bad memory, the other two were Through a Glass Darkly and Winter Light). This film continues the spiritual crisis theme of the last two films but the religion is much more abstract here. It’s as if Bergman has finally been able to wrestle away from his Christian roots and is finally able to talk about the self in a way that is much more comfortable for him. Instead the story is about two sisters that represent two sides of the psyche, the sensual and the practical, and how they deal with each other in a hostile environment.

The one sister is a translator but is sick. The two of them go to this unnamed country in a time of war presumably to get away because of her sickness, but the actual reason is never revealed. They don’t speak the same language in this country either, which is where the silence of the title comes from. The more sensual sister has come with her son but is quite fed up with her sister’s self-righteous ways, coming with her more out of feeling of duty than of love. The movie deals with how the three main characters deal with being alone in this strange country.

The cinematography of this film is brilliant and beautiful, the characters interesting and full of depth, and the film full of deep thought while at the same time being strangely erotic. If you are sick of Hollywood trash and want a really good film actually about something, this is the place to go.

——The Last Samurai——

(A-)

Although this film is pretty predictable and has a few flaws it is also insanely well made and fun to watch. The only real problem I had with it was the ending, in that it should have ended on the battlefield and instead goes on for a little bit more in an effort to make the movie more easily acceptable for American audiences, or some bullshit like that. It turns all Hollywood and completely unrealistic and is horrible. That said, if you just walk out after the last battle scene you’re treated to quite an excellent movie.

The fights are the real highlight on this movie. While the final battle skews dangerously close to Braveheart land the rest of them are just a pure delight to watch. The battle in the forest is pretty intense, but really my favorite battle was the one where ninjas invaded the village to kill the samurai leader. First of all, NINJAS! I was totally not expecting ninjas, and they were awesome. But also there are some amazing sword fights as they try to fight the ninjas off, including room to room battles of like three to two where when the one group would be killed, another would jump through a wall and the fighting would get even more intense. I was incredibly impressed with the sequence and would see the film again if just to see that fight. But the rest of the movie is excellent too. A tad bit predictable, but entirely enjoyable old-school film making.

——Dragon Princess——

(B)

A few disclaimers first. One, there is no dragon, nor is the main character a princess. Also, although the title card claims this is Sonny Chiba’s Dragon Princess he’s really not in the movie long, having one really good fight and then dying ten minutes in. That all said, this is probably one of the more purely enjoyable Chiba movies I’ve seen thus far. Just a bare minimum of plot (daughter has to avenge Chiba’s/father’s death) and lots of premium ass kicking. It’s not great but it is fun enough to keep you from turning it off and switching to something else. The lead actress is attractive, acts all right and can kick ass with the best of them (and she gets lots of opportunities). The plot can be at times groan inducing (at one point a fat man with crazy, puffy long hair steals her wallet. She kicks his ass. Later a gang is hitting up the local businesses and he goes to her for help. What this has to do with anything is beyond me. Oh, did I mention that his day job is selling porn on the street corner?) but its simple enough that you don’t really care. A good movie to watch on a lazy day.

Bonus: For no reason that I could tell, there is a random scene added in where a man in a tank top cut off at the middle and short-shorts dances with a naked woman in a small room with a band. I’m still scratching my head as to what it means in the parameters of the story, but it’s still pretty funny.

Did anyone else watch Survivor last night? Oh my God. What Osten did for black people the women that are left are doing for womankind everywhere. I mean my God, you girls should be ashamed of yourselves. Why in God’s name would you ever trust Jon? At first I thought it was a really stupid trick to lie about your grandmother dying, but it really seems to be working for you Jon, so bravo. Or maybe this girls are just really damn stupid. I mean how many more clues do you need before you figure out that Jonny Fair Play has never played fair, nor will he ever play fair? Christa, you are now officially the dumbest person on earth (followed very closely by Dara who actually believed 100% that Jon wanted the two of them in the finals. Yeah…right). Then there is Lill who has all of the clues that her alliance doesn’t want to keep her around, AND YET STAYS WITH THEM ANYWAY! Let’s do the math here…there are four girls and two guys. Let’s wait until there are only two girls left before we actually do anything about the guys slowly picking them away! They believe every single lie dished to them. WHY? Does anyone even watch this show anymore? If Richard Hatch proves anything it’s that liars can get to the end. And this is why. Even poor Sandra. She’s known the real deal for weeks now, and yet she lacks any of the leadership skills needed to rally the girls together. It’s sad really. She can’t convince any of the other girls that it is in their best interest to stick together and thus week in and week out does exactly what Jon wants her to. As much as I hate Jon he really does deserve to win this game. He’s the only one actually playing it for Christ’s sake.

http://www.creature-corner.com/dvd/dec03dotddetails.php3

This seems to be the official news: Expect a single disk Dawn of the Dead DVD on March 9th and a big multi-disk set some time around halloween. Finally!