Could someone tell me where to find the Gollum easter egg on the TTT Extended edition? I tried looking for it, but without actually knowing where it was I had no luck in finding it.
As the end of 2003 is almost upon us, and as I have this lovely forum from which to relate otherwise boring tales on unsuspecting people, I thought it might be nice to take a little time to sit back and reflect on what 2003 was like for me, at least in the broad strokes version. I hope you enjoy sharing some of the year’s highlights with me.
—Still Alive—
Yep, still kicking. Good lord, what am I, twenty-two now? Well, I made it through another year without dying. Yeah for me!
—I Dumped the Bitch…er, I Mean My Girlfriend—
Right around the start of the year when we had the whole 2 weeks at my house fiasco, which ended with my father telling my sister and I for the first time that this was actually his second marriage and true romance wasn’t quite the perfect fairy tale I was imagining, was when the idea finally started to dawn on me that she wasn’t really the “One”. Of course the relationship went on and off for a few months longer, struggling to try to make the best of things, until finally around March or April (I forget now) I finally called it quits for good.
Of course the madness never really ended there. We decided to remain friends and things got predictably extremely awkward at times. Most recently there was the final straw in September where she decided she didn’t want to talk to me any longer (and just “forgot” to tell me about it). Most of you probably remember that, as I vented my rage very publicly (check my posts in September for all the details) and was pretty upset for about a month or more. Not so much about losing the relationship, but more about the stupidity of the whole thing.
Thankfully I can now say that I am completely over the whole thing. I’ve moved on. I happen to be a little more bitter and jaded now, but Amen it’s all over.
—Clancy Came to Bard to Spend the Week with Me—
…And I ended up seeing him for only two days before he disappeared completely to do questionable acts for the rest of the week. Yeah, I still remember that.
—Movie Madness—
One day Mike and I decided to get high and see Leprechaun in Space and Leprechaun in the Hood in the campus center, which ended up being one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever done. Somehow because of that event I got in my head the idea for the Crappy Movie Marathon, a great idea I had where we would watch crappy movies all day and make fun of them with met with disastrous results, as no one actually showed up for it. Nevertheless, I at least loved the idea of it, and several other mini-marathons sprung up from it (again, none of which met up with much success).
The love of watching movies lived on though, and as the summer progressed I became more obsessed with the cinema; with watching movies at home and in the theater, in talking about movies, reading about them, and then ultimately writing about them (thus sprang up The Monday Movie Review). Then I found a deal at Blockbusters to rent lots of movies for less money, the amount of DVDs I bought went up, and suddenly I realize that this year I’ve seen more movies for the first time than any other time in my life. In 365 days I’ve managed to see about 250 movies for the first time and around 360 movies total. Obsess much? Yeah, but at least it is something I really love.
—I Discover the Blog—
In the Spring Mike Marlin introduces me to something new that’s quickly becoming popular—the blog (online web log). I scoff at first at the idea of a diary or journal that is just online instead of in a book, but soon I begin to realize the power of something that can be both extremely personal and public at the same time. This concept of mental voyeurism becomes instantly popular with me and thus C’est Non Un Blog is born on Blogger. A few months later I switch over to livejournal and began what you are now reading.
—Matrix Mania Comes in with a Bang, Out with a Whimper—
At the start of this year a lot of new information about the two new Matrix sequels started to come out, and I instantly became obsessed. I had downloaded every trailer, read every magazine article and pretty much had a gigantic wealth of information at my fingertips before I even saw on of the films. Seeing the Matrix for the first time in 1999 was one of those movie going experiences that you’ll never forget, and at the very first Midnight showing of The Matrix Reloaded I was there in Red Hook ready to see the new movie.
What followed was slightly confusing. Part of the film were exactly what I was expecting, especially the now famous freeway chase which is one of the most amazing car chases I think to ever be put on film. But then there were the long stretches of boring exposition and philosophy, the pointless (and very weird) orgy sequence. A lot of people didn’t really know what to think of the film. Although I was slightly disappointed I still loved it, and happened to write about a small book’s worth of essays on it.
Then there was the video game, Enter the Matrix, which was insanely fun at the first pass, but on repeated inspection began to fall apart. Play the game at any level higher than Easy and it no longer is any fun. The footage from the actual film was cool, but mostly it made no sense until you saw Revolutions.
Speaking of which, Revolutions came out in November and again I was one of the first ones to see it. This time I was horribly disappointed though. The philosophy was even more pointless and not any fun, the action sequences weren’t THAT spectacular, and the ending just sucked the fun of the franchise right out of my poor heart. Man it sucked. Again, I wrote another small book’s worth of essays on the experience.
The one bright spot with little to no disappointments was the Animatrix. The animation in these shorts were amazing, and the stories interesting enough to warrant repeated viewings. The Second Renaissance shorts remain some of the most disturbing pieces of film making I’ve seen this year, and Beyond remains on of my favorite pieces of animation ever. Bravo, Japanimation!
—I Finally Get My Driver’s License—
In August I at last sign up to take my 5-Hour course because I waited too long after taking Driver’s Ed to get my license. After more pain in the ass ordeals than I feel like recounting here, I finally go to take this stupid class at the YMCA in Troy, on what happens to be the same day as Blackout 2003. To put things into perspective, right as we were leaving the house to drive to Troy the power goes out. That’s odd, we think. Little did we know.
So I get to the thing and already there is talk of the power being out and the class maybe being canceled (and of course all of the expected talk of terrorism, just to make the hair stand up on the back of your neck). The class does take place though (thank God) and it goes surprisingly easy. He lets us out an hour early, and because I was one of the few people to actually show up on time after the break, he gives us all of the answers to the test. So besides having to sit there when I really didn’t want to, getting my permit back was a piece of cake.
So I go to take the test. The driving inspector is a major ass and makes me a nervous wreck (although it’s not like he had to try hard). He just pushed me the wrong way though. I really wanted to hit him. So I failed that time after failing to make a proper parallel park (I was three feet away from the curb) and I had to wait another month before I could even take the test again.
Second time, same as the first. Except this time I did well enough and was able to hide the fact that my leg was shaking like a wet kitten so as to pass. I was so relieved I almost drove into a wall. Now I can finally get myself around, driving at high speeds with my mixtapes keeping me company.
—I Was Alone for My Birthday—
It wasn’t that big a deal, but then at the same time it was the first time I was ever alone for my birthday (only the second time without family) and it was just a little weird. To fill the void I just watched movies all day. It’s questionable as to whether that helped any.
—Kill Bill Rocked My World—
Other than the Matrix movies, the one film I really wanted to see this year was Quentin Tarantino’s first film since 1997, Kill Bill Volume 1. It may be odd to list the viewing of one movie as a major event of the year, but when seeing that movie causes you to instantly go out and buy over 30 DVDs on eBay, there is obviously something there. Thank you Quentin! Without you I would not know the joy that is old school Shaw Brothers kung fu. Kill Bill is definitely the pop culture event that most influenced me this year.
—Oh Yeah, and I Graduated from College—
At the time, and I’m pretty sure this will stand the test of time, this was a very minor event in my life. Graduation wasn’t a joyous event like a wedding or birth, it was more akin to a funeral. It was the end of an era. I was leaving some of the best times of my life, and that didn’t make me too happy. I don’t even really remember most of graduation. I remember how the tent looked and that’s about it. Whooped de do, who gives a fuck? I graduated.
Of course as much as I will miss the college life, I do think I was pretty thankful to get out. I loved reading the texts and discussing them in class with my peers and professors, but I was really fed up with doing all the other nonsense work that goes with it, the only purpose of which is being able to prove that you did in fact learn something. My senior year of college I handed in at least half of my papers late (one not at all!). It all just wasn’t really doing it for me anymore.
If there is one event that is deceivingly more memorable than graduating college, it was finally completing my senior project and actually being quite proud of it. I remember the final re-write was like hell (ironic, since that was what I was writing about). For five straight days all I did was edit, from the moment I got up until I went to bed. I was editing in my dreams. After three whole days of this I started to go a little crazy. But thankfully it all got done, and I was quite happy with what I ended up with. Definitely my proudest achievement of 2003 was completing War is Hell. Not too shabby.
Well, that’s just the broad strokes version of 2003. I hope you enjoyed sharing it with me. May 2004 be just as good, if not better.
——It’s a Wonderful Life——
(A)
For some reason my mom finds this to be a terribly depressing film. I’m not exactly sure why though, because besides the fact that George Bailey wants to kill himself to save his family and a few moments scattered throughout the movie where George is bitter about the fact that he can’t travel the world this is a pretty positive movie. And isn’t that the point? George may not have gotten what he wanted out of life, but ultimately he got more than he ever imagined he could out of life. There are lots of great jokes scattered throughout the film, and the ending has to be one of the most joyful (and slightly insane) endings to a film ever. Here’s a man cheering over his crashed car. This is a happy man. I also like the fact that the film decides to stay away from Potter at the end. No revenge is necessary, because George has beaten down Potter time and time again. (Although I do love the SNL alternate ending where after getting all of the money the town goes over to Potter’s place and kicks the shit out of him.)
——Finding Nemo——
(A)
This is a great movie. I don’t quite have the same love for it that I do Toy Story 2, but it is still a pretty sweet story. It also benefits from not having 30 little kids screaming in the background. The first time I saw it the jokes were still funny but the quieter moments didn’t quite have the right impact. Damn little kids. Anyway, what I like most about the movie is how Marlin’s relationship with Dory helps him to become a better father, and hey, if anyone can teach you patience and understanding it is a fish with a short term memory problem.
——Dressed to Kill——
(A-)
Once again Brian De Palma proves that he’s not really the best director, but damn, when you give him a scene with no dialog he can really work wonders. The scene in the museum where Angie Dickenson flirts with a stranger is told so well without any dialog that it could work perfectly on its own as a short film. Angie gives a fantastic performance in the film, by the way, especially considering she’s only in the film for less than a half hour.
What is it with De Palma and shower scenes? The last three De Palma movies I’ve seen (Carrie, Dressed to Kill, and Blow Out) have started with an actress naked in a shower when a traumatic event takes place. Femme Fatale also starts out with some nudity (in a bathroom, nonetheless). De Palma loves his boobies. The one movie I can’t think of any nudity in it is Scarface (is there? I don’t remember) which oddly seems like the movie most prone to random shots of nudity. Oh well.
Michael Caine is pretty fantastic as the transsexual murderer, although I hate Dennis Franz as the cop (I also hated him in Blow Out. Go figure.) And I really am starting to love De Palma’s over-stylized direction even if I’m not the biggest fan of his writing.
——Rio Bravo——
(A)
What exactly does the title actually refer to? I missed that part. Anyway, at the start I wasn’t really sure I’d like this John Wayne Western, but after a half hour I was totally hooked. Some of the characters that seemed like they would become really annoying turned out to be quite enjoyable, like Stumpy and the Mexican hotel owner who seemed to fit every Hispanic Speedy Gonzalas stereotype out there. This movie has a lot of really great character interaction, especially between Wayne and Dude the ex-drunk and Wayne and Angie Dickenson (there she is again!). Wayne deserves an Oscar just for his facial expressions when Angie first dares him to strip-search her. His emotions seem to shift between embarrassment, an aw shucks attitude, and the side of him that would really like to do that strip-search but can’t.
This is a great rip-roaring Western meant by Howard Hawks to be a direct response to High Noon (Hawks thought Gary Cooper was a pussy for asking the town for help. Wayne pushes any new help away at every possible chance.) It shows too, because every time Wayne gets knocked down, he just gets right back up again to kill some more bad guys. My favorite part is when they smoke the bad guys out of a house by actually throwing out dynamite and shooting it to ignite it. Now that’s hardcore.
——Cold Mountain——
(B+)
This would be a great movie if it didn’t keep repeating itself instead of moving on when it should. At two and a half hours the episodic structure doesn’t really lend itself well to repeating the same thing over and over again (quite a few characters actually repeat lines almost word for word from what was said earlier by someone else). Some things work, some things don’t. The opening Battle of the Crater is beautifully done, and Jude Law’s scene with Natalie Portman as a war widow is also wonderfully done (bringing back the age old question: Can Natalie Portman act or not?). Likewise on Nicole’s side of the world, all of Renee Zellweger’s scenes are great comic relief (in an otherwise extremely depressing movie) and her scenes with Donald Sutherland are wonderful too. Oddly enough, the worst scenes are the ones where Nicole and Jude are actually together. How the fall in love makes little to no sense, and their sex scene at the end is horribly directed, using fast editing of random shots of body parts to somehow make everything seem more romantic (and making me wonder why the hell they were having sex naked and outside of the blankets when it was freezing cold outside). Like I said though, the worst part of the movie is that it really starts to repeat itself on how horrible the war is, and after a while you just want them to shut up and stop bitching about it for a little while. It’s a pretty decent movie, but doesn’t deserve all the Oscar attention it is (probably) going to get.
——The Night of the Hunter——
(A)
Man, this movie is wild! Everything is taken to the extreme and would be laughable if it weren’t so stylized and wonderfully done. The lighting especially is amazing, and the acting not that far off. Robert Mitchem is terrifying as the preacher who marries women and then murders them, with Love and Hate written on his knuckles, more so because he’s so charming with the ladies and so terrifying with the children. The two little kids that are trying to hide the secret of where their daddy’s stolen money is hidden are great too. They have some great facial expressions.
But what I love about this movie is how goofy it is, while keeping it’s credibility. There is a great random moment where the boy’s uncle in one motion pulls a giant trout out of the water and into the boat, and then proceeds to beat it with his paddle. There are so many random insane moments like that that this movie can’t help but be a cult camp classic. A great movie, recommended!
…although looking out the window this morning it looked more like Easter. Fog, green grass. Seasonally high temperatures. Not exactly walking in a winter wonderland, but a nice change of pace nonetheless.
When I was a little kid I used to get up at like 4:30 in the morning in anticipation of presents, much to the chagrin of my parents. They had to set 9:00 as the time of openning presents because otherwise I would be waking them up way before they wanted to be up. Of course things change, and when you go to bed at one in the morning rising early isn’t that big a priority.
8:45 my mom is banging a pot in the kitchen.
What the hell???
My aunt had blearted out when we got a giant box in the mail that it was filled with pots and pans for my mother. So come this morning she really wanted to open them and started getting really strange, quoting lines from LotRs where you could pretty much just substitute One Ring with Pots and Pans. It was kind of creepy.
Of course my mom is used to getting next to nothing on Christmas, so all these pots and pans were a big deal. So she’s digging through this box while the rest of us are going at it, and meanwhile I’m piling up boxes at her feet. She doesn’t notice that we actually did pretty good this year. Yeah for us!
Anyway, my sister got a new digital camera, my dad new skis, and me a giant stack of DVDs. All in all, a good day.
Not nearly as much yelling as I was expecting 😉
——Peeping Tom——
(A-)
The acting at times can be a little silly, but otherwise this is an amazingly directed film just as good as Psycho, which came out only months after this. Michael Powell’s style manages to evoke high art and pulp trash at the same time, taking us through the seedy story of a camera man that takes his camera everywhere and films the terror on women’s faces just as he’s about to stab them with the sharpened leg of his camera’s tripod. It’s a movie that’s a complex psychoanalyst of a killer that asks us to ultimately sympathize with him over his victims (a fact that was not lost on the British press, who managed to pan the film for its eroticism and violence and ignore its brilliance). You can love or leave the acting, but you have to love Powell’s camera, which always seems to be in exactly the right spot with exactly the right lighting. It reminded me a lot of the subjective camera work in Rear Window, very well done. Must see.
——Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery——
(A)
This is, and remains, one of my favorite comedies, and I fight to this day to keep its memory unsullied by the shame of poorly thought out sequels. Yes, there was a time when each joke was new and wasn’t repeated over and over using only slightly different words. Yes, there was a time when Mike Myers playing more than one character had a nice novelty to it. And yes, there was a time when an Austin Powers movie had more depth than just the average potty mouth jokes. What I love about this movie is the aspect of a man taken out of his element and asked to adapt to a different time, something that the sequels decided to almost completely ignore, and thus the charm of the movie was lost. And you just can’t come up with better sight gags than the steamroller scene.
If I have one complaint about this movie, it is that after watching the widescreen version of the film for only the second time I have come to realize that the compositions are rather flat and bland, and that Jay Roach almost never uses all of the frame. This fact probably explains why this movie never became popular until after it came out on video.
——The 400 Blows——
(A)
Just a great movie. Funny, insightful, well-shot semi-autobiographical movie, with some of the best and most natural acting ever seen put on film. I’ve got nothing more to add.
——Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King——
(A)
I was just mesmerized by this film, and loved it ten times more than both of the other films combined. Just a flawless film from start to finish with excellent pacing and just jaw dropping sequences of CGI that I believe will not be topped for a very long time. If I have one complaint about the film, it is with the ending and the fact that it is just too slow when you know everyone wants to get up and stretch after sitting nonstop for over three and a half hours. When I heard that there were five endings I just assumed that the hobbits coming back and saving the Shire from corruption would be in there, and although that probably would have added about ten more minutes to the running time it would have at least broken up the ending a little bit and made it more bearable to sit through. I have no real problem with the ending, per se, except for the fact that I really, really wanted to stand up to bring back the circulation to my ass and I just wasn’t patient enough at that point to ignore the pain.
I love how the movie begins. What better way to recap what’s happened in the last two movies without actually recapping anything? I love that the movie starts with Smeagol before he turns into Gollum. Not only does it help show the shift between the helpful Smeagol of Two Towers to the more malicious Gollum of RotK, not only does it show with brutal honesty the horrible power that the One Ring has over people (how creepy is it when he kills his cousin?), but also it takes away one accuse the Academy has been using when it comes to giving Andy Serkis an award. There he is, in non-CGI form! And when watching him act you realize how much the artists and animators just took from his natural facial and body movements when creating Gollum. Then the movie moves to a quick recap scene at Isengard, where we see once more my favorite special effect of the Two Towers, the Ents. Sweet!
Moving on, the battle sequences were just simply amazing. I know the words “took my breath away” are used way too often and have become cliché, but when the Riders of Rohan looked out on the mass of Orcs, Oliphants, dragons and everything else, my breath literally left me. I haven’t had such a basic fear response to a movie since I was like three years old, watching Bambi’s mom get it. It was silly, and yet at the same time I just couldn’t help getting wrapped up in how cool everything I was seeing was. You’d be hard pressed to find a good example of a “that’s so obviously fake” moment, and once again Peter Jackson shows Hollywood (and George Lucas) how CGI is done. Watching the horses ride under and around the Oliphants was just something to behold.
From the brief glimpses you got in the trailer I thought that Shelob might not look all that cool, but I was so wrong. Damned if that wasn’t the creepyest spider I’ve ever seen. And damn, Sam kicks some major ass against that spider. That whole sequence was way cooler than I was ready for. And bravo to Sam and Sean Austin for making such a cheesy line like, “I may not be able to help you carry the Ring, but I can carry you!” actually work. Way to not let the giant battle scenes not steal Frodo and Sam’s thunder as they destroyed the Ring. Was anyone else thinking Wagnerian Opera when Frodo, Sam, and Gollum fought over the Ring in Mount Doom? I know I was.
Oh, and where does one go about getting their own army of the dead? When you absolutely, positively need to kick a little Orc ass, accept no substitutes.
——Return of the Master Killer——
(B+)
Again, the title of a Kung Fu movie is a little misleading. First of all, even though this is the sequel to Shaolin Master Killer and stars Gordon Liu, worldwide known as the master killer, this isn’t actually a sequel but a remake of sorts. And even though the movie is called Master Killer, I don’t think anyone ever actually dies, not even at the hands of the evil Manchus. Although this movie starts off way too slow and the first half of it is mostly skipable unless you like tame kung fu comedy, the second half is must see kung fu cinema.
The plot revolves around a charlatan coming in to pretend to be a Shaolin monk to scare the Manchus into giving back the wages of some dye workers. The ruse works for a little while until the boss actually tests his kung fu and proves that he actually knows none. Shamed in letting down the people he tried to help, Gordon Liu tries to break into a monastery and through perseverance succeeds, even though he doesn’t think he has since the lead monk makes him build scaffolding around the building. What Liu doesn’t realize is that he’s actually learning kung fu by mimicking the monks below him and develops his own “rooftop” kung fu. This is where the movie becomes awesome. Liu goes back to fight the Manchus and pretty much hog-ties them all using his bamboo latching technique. Then he fights the boss and his goons who use stools to fight him (it’s cooler than it sounds) and he defeats them all in increasingly cool fashion. Excellent Liu movie.
——
Note 1: I also saw The Two Towers this week to prepare for RotK, but decided against reviewing it since I already did so a few months ago.
Note 2: Be on the lookout for my 1st Annual Entertainment Awards, 2003! Lists a plenty coming at you in the coming weeks.
OK, now the guy I bought my Coffy and Foxy Brown DVDs from is officially the worst e-Bayer ever. The date on the check is for November 2nd. That’s when I put it in the mail. He says he got the check sometime last week. OK… Everytime I’ve written this guy it’s taken several days (if at all) for him to respond. 90%of the people I’ve bought from respond within the first 24 hours.
So last week he emails me saying he finally got the check. Is the check still good; do you still want the DVDs? Of course I do, I say, elated that this show can finally get going. And I’m just wondering if you can get it here by Christmas?
About a week later (I’m not kidding you) he replies, no, I can’t get it to you by Christmas. Do you still want it? OH MY GOD! Just put the fucking motherfuckers in the fucking mail! Calm down Ben. Be polite. I send him a message saying could you PLEASE just send me my DVDs? No thank you, I don’t think.
Two, three days later I get a standard reply sent telling me to wait 10 days for processing and don’t email him about the status of my order in that time.
OK, really Ben, calm the hell down…
A) You’ve had my check for at least 10 days already. What the hell have you been doing with it? Looking at how pretty it is, or being amazed that the post office ever delievered it in the first place?
B) Look at the post mark. Look at the date on the check. I sent that out NOVEMBER 2nd! I’ve been really patient so far but do you think you could light a fire under your sluggard ass? I said the check was good, that I wanted the DVDs. What the hell have you been waiting for?
Any other business worth a damn would have put a priority on my order and apologised profusely for the delay (even if it was the Post Office’s fault). When I asked if I could get it by Christmas, they should have said “But it’s already in the mail!” What a fucking dumb ass. You know once I get those DVDs he’s getting the worst recommendation ever. God, this guy will not stop pissing me off.
——
Oh, I almost forgot the best part! After telling me to wait 10 days before inquiring into my order, he gave me links to his ebay website. The BALLS on this guy! FUCK YOU!
I was a little disappointed with Fox’s TV’s Naughtiest Bloopers from Around the World, since there was nothing particularly naughty about what they were showing. At least 90% of the clips were just of newscasters or actors in the UK or Australia cursing when they screwed up a line. In fact it was pretty much like any other blooper show, except that the clips were from the UK and Australia, and thus you had never seen them before. It does seem like they enjoy cursing a whole lot more, but other than that there was nothing special about this latest Fox “extreme” reality show.
There was one really funny segment though, where this Australian businessman angrily stormed out of several interviews. It was hilarious, in that I couldn’t believe anyone would act like such a big baby. Any time a reporter asked him a question he didn’t want to answer he would throw away the microphone like a toddler pushing the food off of his tray when he’s done eating and start cursing out the reporter. We didn’t agree to this! This interview is over! At one point he even threatened to KICK a reporter. Man o man.
He said, “If Pop music is like bubble gum, then Radiohead is like chewing tabacco”.
I thought that was really amusing.
Is it bad that on a normal day I either have the theme song to The OC stuck in my head or the theme to the Simple Life?
So I watch The OC now.
Not really sure how that one happened. One day I was knocking it for its 90210, let’s hit everyone in Orange County qualities, and the next thing I know I’m sitting there watching it. I blame Entertainment Weekly. Damned if they don’t plug it every week. So I watch it now.
And I love it.
C'est Non Un Blog 