Nothing like a nice healthy jolt of Capra (Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington) to make you feel like this world of ours doesn’t have to suck as much as it does. If you don’t feel like going out and doing some good in this world after watching one of his films, well, you’re just dead inside.
Unrated DVDs are a mixed blessing. You know my feelings on them, as I’ve mentioned them many times in the past. Sometimes they can be great, adding gore unjustly cut from a horror movie in order to have the movie get an R rating. Or sometimes they add in more sex, the way it was meant to be but couldn’t be shown that way in this puritanical America.
But more often than not unrated DVDs are just a lame excuse to add in deleted scenes that were deleted for a reason just so that the film studios can make an extra buck conning someone into buying it because it is “unrated”. Beerfest is one of those Unrated DVDs. I kind of predicted it before I saw it, as the film was crazy enough in the theater. What could have been left out? Turns out, not a whole hell of a lot. Unrated usually implies that something objectionable was cut out of the film to get it the proper rating. It doesn’t imply scene extensions cut because they weren’t particularly funny and just slowed the flow of the plot down. You’re not really missing much going with the Theatrical Cut of Beerfest. In fact that’s the better edit. Get that one instead. Because it really was a wicked funny movie.
Last night I could not for the life of me figure out who Michael was calling to invite to take that trip to Sandles, Jamaca with him. Then this morning it came to me, as if God himself were smacking me upside the head and calling me an idiot. Duh, it was Jan!
Jan, girl, what are you doing!?
Is it just me, or does this seem to be the crazier “Will they or won’t they?” than the whole Jim/Pam thing?
Speaking of which, jeez, Jim. You think you could at least pretend to like Karen just a little bit longer before falling in love with Pam again? All it takes is one CIA practical joke Christmas present and you turn back into mush again. Much like poor Roy.
And poor Toby. Was anyone else surprised that when Michael was told that they were missing one robe from the giftbags that Michael without hesitation told Dwight to take it from Toby? “Why?”
Hey, man. How’s it going? Yeah, I’m still spending money like it is growing on trees. Yeah, I don’t really know when to stop. Bet you think you got me this month, huh? Finally, BLAM! Interest! This is what makes it all worth it, right? You saw that DeepDiscountDVD sale and you thought to yourself: “Thank you, God! I’ve waited so long for this moment!”
But you know what? I’m still paying all of the bill. Ha! Take that Visa! I’ve thwarted you, yet again!
Credit score: You stay put, buddy.
Love,
Ben
Is it wrong that I find the worst part about getting a speeding ticket is paying the bill? Now, I don’t mean the act of giving my hard earned money to someone else because I was stupid enough to get caught speeding. What I mean is I hate having to write out a check and having to address an envelope. In fact, all of my bills would probably get paid the day I received them if I didn’t have to actually sit there and write something.
People, this is laziness at its greatest.
My mom has been getting on me lately over what I want for Christmas. The problem is that I tend to just get whatever I want, when I want it, right now. So what I really want for Christmas is a nice bundle of cash to pay off my Visa bill.
That idea hasn’t really flown with her, though. I think that if there is nothing under the tree for me to open come Christmas morning, she’s going to freak. So I ask you, dear readers, to help me think outside of the box and maybe come up with an idea that will both make her and me happy (i.e. no underwear and socks ideas!).
You’d think I’d have the foresight by now to try and schedule in a haircut before the very last second, on the week before Christmas, where the only day off I have is the only day the hairdresser isn’t open, but no. No, I don’t have that foresight. I’m an idiot. A long-haired, hippie idiot.
The signs around here have been pretty disappointing lately. It seems that all of the crazy has been sapped out of these places by the holiday spirit. Boo! This is the time of year where you should be getting more crazy, not less! Anyway, I haven’t really been able to scrounge up much lately, so I’ll share some signs I received from other people. First up, my sister:
–Hi Benjamin! I have another sign that I thought you would enjoy from my favorite church in Moravia:
–“Don’t wait until the hearse brings you to come to church.”
This reminded me of a great sign outside of the church on 7A by Malfunction Junction:
“Beat the holiday rush:
Come to church this Sunday.”
I love it when they get desperate. It truly brings out the genius in outdoor signs. Here’s one from my friend at corporate, MegO:
–Oh, and I’m not sure if “Sign Wisdom” includes bumper stickers, but I was behind a white mini van this morning that had a bumper sticker that said:
–“Honk if the twins fall out.”
–Now, I’m assuming it means their kids, but um, “the twins” and “falling out”, priceless. I must be the biggest perv.
Nope. I’m thinking the exact same thing. I love those messages with the double meaning. Because you know more people would honk if “the twins” fell out than if the twins fell out.
I haven’t posted lately. I know. I’ve been preoccupied. By the usuals, of course, comics and blockbuster films. But also with work. It’s hard not to be preoccupied with work when everything has been so crazy lately.
This, obviously, is our busiest time of year, but we’ve been busier than we’ve ever been this week. In the last three days we’ve done more business than we do in some months in the Spring. It’s crazy. It all started off Friday, when I finally cashed in on the greatest sale I’ve ever made. Seriously, this was a thing of beauty. It was also an epic pain in the ass, but I did it, baby! For that I finally got the store’s coveted MVP of the Week award.
Jim came in about a month ago, I did my thing, he was impressed and he left a credit card imprint with us at the store so that if he wanted to make the purchase over the phone with us, he could do so. Because, you see, he lives in Ohio. I didn’t really give a second thought to this because people say they’ll come back to buy stuff all of the time, but you know what? They lie. 90% of people out there are damn dirty liars. Seriously, when you work in retail long enough and someone says they’ll “be back” to purchase it that usually means you will NEVER SEE OR HEAR FROM THAT PERSON AGAIN. You have to quickly resist the urge to flippantly say, “Yeah, whatever…” and at least pretend like you believe them in the hopes that they might be one of few people in the world who aren’t the devil.
Jim surprised me my calling back and asking me to write up a proposal for a bunch of stuff that we talked about. I went about crafting the perfect proposal, making sure that ever number was correct and everything he could possibly need was included. The thing seriously took me like an hour to write up, as there were multiple options for things he might want. I send it off, giddy with anticipation for what is sure to be a lot of money in our pockets.
I get in the next day and the read one of the worst emails that I have ever received. Jim has gone into a store in Ohio, got a proposal from them, realized that we were recommending the same things and that the prices were the same, and so has asked me to rip up his credit card imprint because he is going to buy from them. After I finish reading I basically…have a panic attack. What? This is from the guy who has already told me that he wants to give me his business because I did such a professional job with him. He told me he appreciated my efforts. And he repays that appreciation by BUYING FROM A RIVAL STORE? You bastard!
Those who know me (or at least read this blog carefully) know that I tend to have some rage problems when it comes to betrayal. Saying you are going to buy from another store is one thing. We get that all of the time. You just learn to live with it. But saying you really loved the job I did showing you everything we have to offer and then asking me to write out a rather lengthy proposal, only to trivialize that effort by saying that it looked like I used a “proposal generator” (which I didn’t), which anyone could do and then taking that to another store that didn’t do shit for you? Oh no you didn’t!
I fought. I fought like hell for that sale. While I didn’t exactly say this, my tone in my reply email was basically, “How dare you!” I’m not ripping up that imprint until you give me one good reason why it is better to go through Ohio on this. He (and basically everyone at work I told this too) was surprised at the balls I had to confront him head on with this. And so he basically challenged me: Why should I go with you guys instead of with Ohio? And I’m happy to say that I met the challenge with flying colors. After a little back and forth we finally came to what he really wanted, and I walked away with my biggest sale ever. Over $14,000 worth of product. It took me almost two hours to ring the whole sale through. Phew! You could have given me six Red Bulls and I wouldn’t have been flying higher than I was Friday afternoon. (Did I mention I got confirmation to go through the sale right as I was getting ready to leave early for the day? That didn’t happen.)
My inability to let go of this sale has gotten me the nickname at work of Mad Dog Merrell.
——
The very next day, though, was a dark one for me. Not for the store, by any means, but for me. We did more in one day that day than the store has ever done in history. It was a landmark I’ve been looking forward to breaking for seemingly forever. Why am I so angry then? Because I wasn’t freakin’ there! Rachel, for reasons unknown to me, decided to give me Saturday as my only day off this week. I know that sounds weird, because for most people getting Saturday off would be a godsend, but for me it was pointless. What the hell am I going to do on a Saturday? I can’t get anything done on a Saturday. Even weirder, I have Monday-Tuesday off. Why didn’t I just get Sunday off and make a three-day weekend out of it? So I’m home, reading a comic when Rachel calls me to tell me that we did the impossible. And I…wasn’t…there. I’m at the top of my game and I’m put on the bench. Grrr…
Of course when I came back in Sunday, everyone knew I’d be pissed. They also knew I’d want to beat that number. Because I’m competitive like that. Hell, I’m the guy that said that we should try to get over 50% attendance for the show, not really believing it possible, and then made it happen. You don’t know how hard I tried to get us over this hill. And I wasn’t there for it. Well, we didn’t do it again, but we did still have some amazing business. It was, again, one of our best days ever. We’re kicking so much ass. And if there is any time to do it, it’s now. Double Bonus in December is a crapload of money. We’ve never done it as long as I’ve been here. And guess what my goal for myself is this year as Assistant Manager?
C'est Non Un Blog 