Univore – Champagne Taste

Do not ever get into a car with this man.

Do not ever get into a car with this man.

Univore’s video for “Champagne Taste” is stupendously terrible, a bloodcurdling, horrifying crime against humanity even, and yet…I can’t stop watching. It’s so bad you might be tempted to believe that they were trying to be Rebecca Black bad on purpose, but no. Univore is a real band from Chicago that’s put out three real albums. So what we have here–what god has magically graced upon us–is one of the best/worst music videos ever made.

The production values on “Champagne Taste” are just…wow. The video is the perfect storm of awfulness. The Least Interesting Man In The World is lip-syncing so piss poorly you’d think he was hearing the lyrics for the first time as he was singing them, and he’s standing in front of one of the worst green screen effects you’ll ever see. He can’t stop hitting the screen, causing all sorts of mystical rips in the “sky”, and yet no one thought to reshoot any of this. During half the video he looks like Ricky Bobby trying to figure out what to do with his hands. Then suddenly with no warning he has an Indian headdress on and a floating hand is (poorly) pouring him champagne? This is genius, people.

On their Bandcamp page they decided to share this actual quote that someone said about the band: “[they’re] walking the thin line between sincerity and absurdity so effortlessly that they appear to be floating over a line that was never there.” I have no idea what that even means, but I love it.

The song sounds like Ween, high on pain killers, having a stroke. It’s a jazzy hot mess of epic proportions. I mean, just check out the second verse:

Flashing (fleshy?) red lights / I pull the curb / license and registration, sobriety check / there is a crack rock in my throat (truth?) / I will be the best dressed man in prison / I should not be driving this car (Oh no! I shouldn’t be driving this car!)

Wait, what?! That crack rock line kinda flies right over your head the first time you hear it. Watching the video is a test of endurance, and yet the longer it goes on the harder it is to turn away. The amazing thing about the song is how insanely catchy it is. Just you watch, when you least expect it you’ll find yourself singing “Oh no! I shouldn’t be driving this car!”

 

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