It seems impossible that anyone could ever put out this many amazing songs back to back without any filler ever left in between, but somehow iamamiwhoami seems capable of doing the impossible. Each song always seems more beautiful and emotionally gut-wrenching than the last, which makes the notification in my inbox that she’s put out a new video feel just that much more exciting. This series’ central metaphor of being stuck in a horrible relationship seems to take an even darker turn in this chapter as the Mop Monster Saga continues with yet another video (sans Mop Monsters).
In “kill” we travel from the dry desert to the ocean, which is pretty obviously a metaphor for drowning, but the fact that the first appearance of water comes from in between her legs suggests that the song is also about having a child. It’s already been pretty well established that this series of videos is about feeling trapped in domestic servitude in a relationship that was once wonderful but no longer works, but is this song really about postpartum depression like I think it is? The cryptic lyrics could be read two different ways, that she wants this child to die because it’s entangling her even more in a relationship she no longer wants to be in, or, on a slightly more positive note, that she’s actually singing the song to her child, wondering if her dysfunctional relationship is going to kill any chance her child has of having a happy childhood.
Take these lyrics from the second half of the song:
One foot forward, will you be catching my fall?
Once I give, I know you’ll be claiming more
You had me stretching, you have been talking me sore
What is expected, to carry you in my arms?
Come on, just kill this, nervous and nauseous
All this commotion is not worth it
Come on, just kill this, a second coming
An age is dawning without smiles and laughter
I think she’s saying that she wants better for this child, but that taking care of it is going to sap away what little energy she still had left. The “age” in “An age is dawning without smiles and laughter” seems to me to be the life of this child. Or it could all mean something else entirely. You never quite know with iamamiwhoami. All I know is that this song, along with pretty much all the others, but especially this song deeply touches me on an emotional level that just won’t let go of me. I can’t wait to see what direction iamamiwhoami is going to go next because these videos have definitely become one of the high points of my week.