You know how when you get a fortune cookie nowadays the messages inside are usually pretty lame? Either they are generic fortunes that could apply to just about anything or they are these cute little inspirational phrases that don’t really predict anything. You know what I’m talking about. Fortunes today are a joke.
Today, though…well, today I got something special with my pork fried rice. This is bar none, the greatest fortune cookie message I have ever received:
“Don’t kiss an elephant on the lips today.”
…
I know! What the hell, right? You know what I’m NOT doing today? Kissing any elephants on the lips. I don’t care if a real elephant actually does come walking down the street in Manchester this afternoon, I’m not kissing that damn elephant on the lips.
What I love is the ambiguity of the statement though. Why shouldn’t I kiss an elephant on the lips? What could possibly happen because of that? Also, is it OK to kiss an elephant on the forehead? Is it OK to kiss an elephant on the lips tomorrow? Now I really want to know what would happen if I kissed one on the lips today.
Like I said, greatest fortune ever.
C'est Non Un Blog 
Perhaps “elephant” is a metaphor for….
For? For??? For what? I needs ta know!
Maybe that’s the point…you’re elephant is something only you can understand and will need to avoid?
I got one once that read “Don’t smell the inside of hats.” I almost died.
And I believe you can now kiss an elephant with no repercussions
Why’d you almost die? Because you had a hat near your nose as you were eating the cookie? Maybe that’s what would have happened if I kissed that elephant.