When I read that George W. Bush’s answer to a German newspaper reporter’s question to name the best moment of his five years as President was:

“I would have to say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5-lb. perch in my lake.”

I wanted to be mad. But then I changed my mind. I mean, at least he’s being honest with us. How often does that happen? I mean, if I was to look back at his five years as President and pick out a best moment, catching a 7.5-lb. perch is definitely his greatest accomplishment. That’s a big fish. Way to go, George! You’ve managed to do what only a few million Americans have ever been able to do in history. I’m proud of you, big guy.

If I had to pick out a second accomplishment for that list, I’d probably go with his ability to take more vacation time than every other President combined. That man knows how to vacation. He’ll even vacation through national disasters! Do you think he would have caught that perch if he didn’t take that much vacation? I think not. Way to stick it to those whip-welding employers of yours. Workers of the world, unite! Jeez, I think that President that died 18 days into his Presidency got more accomplished than Bush. Don’t stress yourself, little buddy. I call it trickle-down government. If the people at the top do as little work as possible then the people at the bottom will eventually do as little as possible, thus making it so that everyone can then catch a 7.5-lb. perch in their own ponds. At least, that’s how it is supposed to work…

(You hear last night that the President is sending the National Guard in to help police our borders? Yeah, like those poor bastards don’t already have enough on their plate.)