Question: We all (hopefully) know that if you shave off your eyebrows it takes forever to grow them back, right? Why is it then that the unibrow likes to make a weekly appearance in my life, huh?

Here is a date for everyone to put on their calendar: December 5th. What’s happening on that date, might you say? Arrested Development is coming back! Tell all of your friends. Make sure you watch it and make everyone you know watch it under threat of physical violence. While cutting a season’s order of episodes in half is usually a good sign that a show is going to die, it is not officially dead yet. Fox is going to air the remaining episodes in December no-man’s-land. Which means, if we can get a significant hike in ratings for the show they might just order up the remaining episodes. While that is a really big IF it could still happen. Arrested Development fans, don’t lose hope! Just keep December 5 in mind for me. I’ll make sure to remind you again before the day comes. Just start working on your friends, family and coworkers NOW.

I am SUPER bad at keeping up with my emails. Just writing these posts takes all sorts of time I could be using to be doing other (pointless) things. So yeah, don’t feel bad if I don’t get back to you immediately. Because you all know that if you really wanted to talk, I do have that cell phone thingy that never rings. Seriously, the other day I poked it with a stick to see if it was still alive. I’m glad Verizon is charging me $50 a month for the cheap plan. God help me if the salesman ever made me delusional enough to buy the medium plan.

OK, for those of you who care (AKA: no one) here is my second opinion on Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. It doesn’t (completely) suck. Not like the first two anyway. (Anyone else notice how much I love parentheses tonight?) Now don’t get me wrong. There are large parts of the movie that seriously suck. The first, say, 45 minutes of the film, for example. So BORING. That space battle that starts off the movie? Talk about disappointing. The fact that it makes my TV look awesome, and thus boosts my own ego, could barely even keep the lids of my eyes from drooping. Whenever it is that Anakin starts to make the turn to idiot badass is when the movie (and all the prequels) actually starts to get interesting. I have to admit, I missed some of the finer points of the turn due to my constant eye rolling and frustration with George Lucas the first go around. Not that I didn’t have grounds for these feelings. I mean, come on, every time Padme opens her silly little mouth I want to stab massive ice picks into my brain. And let us not forget my favorite horrible line of dialogue ever, a line of dialogue so insanely stupid and poorly written that I missed how cool the ending of the movie was through no fault of my own. Yes, you know what I’m talking about. Obi Wan: “But the Sith are evil!” Wait for it… Anakin: “From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!”

Come on! Seriously here people, who the hell has ever said anything remotely as stupid as that? Is that supposed to be some sort of inner monologue? Can’t be, his lips are moving. Who the hell is proofreading this crap? George, was it so hard to just change a few words to make it more like, oh, I don’t know, “You’re wrong, the Jedi are evil!” Now I’m getting angry over geeky shit. I must stop before someone sees me caring.

I woke up this morning around 5 or 6 to my ears ringing. I mean really ringing. Like I just got out of a rock concert ringing. Scared the crap out of me. I fell back asleep and woke up to find my ears only ringing at their “normal” level. Fast forward to noon when I get the mail, find a new Rolling Stone, excitedly open it up to read it, only to find the first article I see to be about rock music and how your iPod is ruining your hearing. Shit.

So far we’ve gotten theories on why I hear ringing in my ears. Nothing solid though. No real answers. It scares the crap out of me. Is this a real problem? Just a medical one? I don’t know. I pretend it doesn’t exist, like most of my problems, and that usually works for me.

The fun thing about television season boxsets on DVD is that you can watch an entire season of a show in a very short period of time instead of over a year. In doing so it is much easier to see slight shifts in plot that you can miss when the changes appear over a period of months. The other benefit, of course, is that in spending 13 hours of your day with a TV family you tend to take on characteristics of that family. Like when I watched the first season of Sopranos in a day and couldn’t stop using the F-word, or when I watched Deadwood and everyone became a cocksucker. Oh, good times. I just finished up Scrubs Season Two (When is this show coming back? Hello? NBC?) and of course my overly active inner monologue has ballooned to all sorts of messed up degrees. Oh, you didn’t know I have an over active inner monologue? Yeah, it’s bad. I once talked to someone for five minutes about why I carried my backpack a certain way, and I wasn’t rambling. Wait, how can that be? Yep, I had already quite thoroughly thought out all of these details way ahead of time. There of course is no way to accurately know this, but I think I think much more than other people. I’m always in my thoughts. One of my best excuses for not working out is that when I push my body my mind shuts off and I can’t think straight and it scares the bejeezers out of me. Yeah, I know. I’m psycho.