NAME THAT QUOTE!

OR NAME THIS ONE!

“What happened to town pride?”

“It’s been going downhill ever since the lake caught on fire.”

ON TO THE SHOW!

——Bathroom Time——

Have you ever gone to the bathroom naked, say, when you are about to step into the shower but have already taken your clothes off, and just felt weird doing so? Why is that? Is it just because we are so used to going with all of our clothes on? It’s weird though, you have to take your pants at least partially off to go, and yet if you take your shirt off, something’s wrong. I guess being naked and going to the bathroom are two too many social wrongs to take place at one time.

——God’s Gay Love Child——

Here is a question for you all to think about: If two gay men have sex and then have a baby, will it look like God?

Well, first of all two gay men can’t have a baby, so that points to no being the answer. But what if they did have a baby, would it look like God? Well, God is everything and nothing all at once, meaning that the baby would be part of everything, and therefore part of God, so then yes, the baby would look like God. But God is also nothing as well, and since gay men can’t have babies together, aka they can have nothing from having sex together, then that is also God, so again in that case the nonexistant baby would look like God.

In conclusion, if two gay men had a baby, it would in fact look like God. Glad we got that out of the way.

——Bonzai——

Thank you Fox, thank you. So this is what I have been waiting for, all of these years.

Where else can you see a Rabbi, a Priest, and Lou Ferrigno, aka TV’s the incredible Hulk, ride exercise bikes for a child’s soul? WHERE????

——Pirates of Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl——

I have to say, I was actually surprised at how much I liked this film. I walked into there expecting an all out crapfest and came out having seen a pretty fun movie. That doesn’t mean it was perfect, but I definately feel like I got my money’s worth out of it.

It’s Geoffrey Rush and especially the fantastic “Is he crazy or just so sane he’s crazy” Johnny Depp who sell this movie. I don’t think it would be half as good without them. Both of them bring a sparkle to their roles that lights up the screen whenever they are on it, making the somewhat dull exciting. They bring a presense and a sense of fun that’s sorely missing in some of the other leads.

Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, for instance, even though they throw themselves whole-heartedly into their roles there isn’t really much of a role of them to inhabit. Bloom plays the straight man to Depp’s crazy and he wants to be a pirate (without actually “being” a pirate), but other than that he has no character besides the fact that he likes to play with swords and he’s in love with Knightley’s character. He’s given next to nothing to work with, and it shows. Knightley on the other hand is almost given too much character to handle. She plays an old fashioned woman who wants to be a modern woman, which is fine in a modern movie except that no one else wants her to be a modern woman other than herself. Whenever she rushes forward to do something exciting the other characters just look at her like she is mad and turn away. It almost feels like the filmmakers were doing the same thing, since when she does actually get the some action the camera likes to cut away from her to one of our more heroic male leads as soon as possible. Her role in the movie is really just to look hot and fiesty.

One problem cited by most people about this movie is its running length. Yeah, 143 minutes is probably too long for a movie of this type, and yet you don’t really notice it that much because the action pretty much moves the picture right along with no problems. So things could definately be cut though. The openning sequence I didn’t like, and the end sequence I really didn’t like (for reasons I’ll get into later). Each of the action sequences could cut at least two or three shots out, since while they are good and fun, they are a little too excessive. Comic shots are added all the time to mix things up, even though they are usually not needed.

And yet the film is a real joy ride, with lots of good pirate swashbuckling fun. There are plenty of good pirate jokes for all to enjoy. The action is great and the skeleton ghosts look surprisingly really good.

There is only one major problem I have with this movie, and that is the end. I’m not going to give it away, but I will say that it is probably the stupidest, worst way to end that movie they could have possibly done. It makes no sense, and goes directly against what everyone in the audience naturally expects to happen, even though it kinda sorta happens anyway, only with no intellegent motivation whatsoever. The first thing everyone said when leaving the theater was “I didn’t believe that ending at all”. I think I called it “Complete bullshit”. What was Disney thinking?

Anyway, my overall grade for this movie was a B.