C'est Non Un Blog

OH MY GOD, WOMEN ARE SO FREAKING STUPID!!! It’s not just us men, folks.

——Azumi——

(B+)

This is a samurai assassin story by the director of Versus. The story is pretty par for the course and can be a little slow at times, but the director makes up for it with some beautiful images and a fantastic final fight sequence, where Azumi, a female assassin and the best of the group, takes on a village of bandits and samurais to save her master. There’s lots of great samurai sword action and some of the best blood spurting I’ve seen out there. I really liked this, however, I’d tell people to pick up Versus before they jumped into this.

——Billy Jack——

(C)

At times this movie can be extremely fun to watch, at other times extremely painful. I think it would be hilarious to watch high though. This movie is like a hippie’s wet dream, made in 1971 it features a multi-racial school of sorts where social outcasts just do whatever they feel like as long as it is an art of some sort. They are preaching the turn the other cheek and everybody love everybody nonsense that makes them look like morons, even compared to the local townspeople who have to be the biggest bigots in the world. And then amidst all of this there is Billy Jack, this half-Indian who helps out at the school but likes to solve all of his problems through karate kicks. The movie is just funny and disturbing and fucked up all at the same time. Unless you had some sort of drug close at hand I wouldn’t recommend you watch this unless you want to go into hippie shock.

——The Passion of the Christ——

(B-)

I actually don’t have much to say about this movie. There is a great movie in there somewhere, but Mel decided to cover it up with over excessiveness. Mel is definitely operating under the theory of more is more. He makes a really powerful film, but it loses a little bit of its impact because you can’t see past Mel’s blazing ego trip. He wants to do everything he possibly can to disgust you, so that when the message of love and understanding finally shows up you are too mentally exhausted to really take much notice. All the maggots, all the yelling, all the blood, all the beating, all the BLOOD…it’s too much. I seriously doubt Jesus really took the beating he did in this movie, because it would have had to have killed him right then and there. No way could he have then dragged the Cross all the way up to Golgatha.

The Romans were all over the place in this movie. One minute they didn’t want to hurt Christ. Then they beat the ever living hell out of him. Then for some reason when they see him on the Cross they see something wrong with the whole ordeal. It’s absurd, and one dimensional in two completely opposite directions. I don’t think the movie is anti-Semitic. There is nothing in this movie to support that. A priest at one point even stands up to the group and says that the whole thing is out of control and asks why they haven’t waited for the rest of the council. They then kick that guy out. It is pretty obvious that this is a mob. Jews help Christ out throughout the movie. Do some Jews come off bad in this movie? Of course. But do all the Jews as a people come off bad? Of course not.

My favorite part of the movie was really the Marys, especially Jesus’ mother. Harder than watching Jesus take that beating was watching his mom watch him take the beating. That actress was fantastic, and she really was the only thing keep this movie from becoming the most disturbing movie ever made. Seriously, there is some stuff in this movie that horror movies couldn’t even get away with. What the hell is wrong with Mel Gibson?

——Once Upon a Time in the West——

(A)

I absolutely LOVE the soundtrack to this movie. I don’t really have much new to say about it though.

——Returner——

(D)

Oh God was this movie horrible. It rips off at least twenty other movies (T1 and T2, The Matrix, M:I 2, E.T., ID4, Transformers, and Starship Troopers, just to name a few) and never does it do anything new with the material, or anything exciting. The actors are horrible (especially the bad guy), the dialogue is stupid, and the story never goes beyond anything that’s been done in a time travel movie before with any new or original ideas. The whole thing is just stupid. And then after the climax the movie goes on for like another 15 minutes in the lamest wrap up ever. The only thing good about this movie is that there are a few good bullet time shots, but their impact is totally diminished by scenes like the one in the future where everyone speaks awful cliché English and the acting gets even worse than normal. What a mess this movie is. You are better off just going to the video store and renting the movies I listed above.

Wow, the only thing surprising about last night’s Oscars was that there were no surprises whatsoever, except maybe the fact that LotRs: RotK won every award it was nominated for. Otherwise not a single surprise or upset. That’s a little sad. Jack Black and Will Ferrell singing the “You’re Boring” song was pretty damn hilarious though.

Does anyone know how to get rid of cold sores? I don’t usually get them, but a little while ago I got one on my upper lip that just won’t go away and it is driving me mad. Little help?

I know, more than you needed to know.

Hey people, I actually got a comment on my last post from someone I don’t even know, Kyle. Isn’t that cool? I’m finally branching out in this crazy web world.

Anyway, he asked about my opinions on The Passion of the Christ (which is odd since I didn’t mention that movie in my last post, but whatever). I still gave them to him though, so if you too are interested in what I had to say, click on my comments bar or just click here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/maneatingcow23/65899.html

In other news, The O.C. is a really fucking awesome show. I feel so sorry for Anna though. Move back to Pittsburg now! I will totally miss you, but I can’t stand watching you self-destruct with Seth there.

A quick update about work before I go back to work:

Yesterday we unloaded a giant 42 inch Phillips widescreen plasma TV onto the show floor, and by God was it awesome. So very awesome. If I just happened to have five grand lying around I totally would get one. The four of us were just standing around it going “Wow…”

I really like my job. Unlike the mindless monotony that was my old job at Saint Gobain, this job is a hell of a lot more fun. I work with a bunch of people right around my age who all love movies and music and video games and whatnot. Everyone is extremely nice, and not once have I gotten that “new guy” vibe. In fact the opposite is true, everyone seems really happy to see me there. And when you get to talk about electronics equipment all day with happy, friendly people, what’s there not to love?

The hottest fucking girl came in yesterday. Really cute, beautiful eyes, fantastic smile. I got to see this because I was on the show floor all day learning more about the Wave Radios and 3-2-1 systems and all that. Damn she was fine. She was with a guy though, and for like fifteen minutes Dave, Jesse and I were discussing whether he was her boyfriend or brother. All of us secretly hoped brother.

I also found out that after completing my first 90 days at Bose, and having done everything the way I’m suppose to, I actually get to take one of the Lifestyle systems home with me. I don’t actually know which one yet because I haven’t learned anything about it yet, but those are some pretty sick surround sound home theater systems. Damn, what a perk!

In other news, that night I went over to Harry’s to watch Azumi (by the director of Versus). A little slow at times and not as good as Versus, but there was still a lot of great Samurai action (especially at the end…awesome) and some great blood spurting. Worth seeing. I can’t wait until I actually have money and I can pick up my own disk.

Ken Watanabe, who’s currently basking in his first Oscar nomination for The Last Samurai, has joined the cast of Warner Bros.’ upcoming Batman film. He’ll play villain Ra’s Al Ghul to Christian Bale’s Dark Knight. Cool!

So, first day of work. It went pretty well. I started my three-week training period, which is probably going to suck a lot. Maybe not so much though. The first three hours sucked though. I had to go through all of this company mission statement bullshit, which pretty much involves reading on the computer about how we have to treat the customer superbly, not call them idiots, create a WOW environment in the store, all sorts of junk like that. Thank you for explaining in great detail what makes us all different. I promise not to sexually harass anyone. God, so much red tape. It was complete busy work.

Towards the end of my shift I actually got to start working on learning about the actual products, which was cool. I’d read all of the information on something and then go upstairs to look at it in person and get the whole experience with them. That was really cool. They really do make some superior stuff at Bose. Pricey as hell, but top of the line. Hopefully the coming weeks will be more product oriented and less bullshit oriented, or I might kill myself. Thankfully I’m only there for five and a half hours. The day goes by pretty fast, although I do spend a good deal of it driving. Gas is going to kill me, since I am working only 25 hours a week. Luckily though I think those 25 hours are going to be lumped into three days, saving me the most gas possible.

The people are really cool though. I think I’ve met all of them now. Rachel is the store manager, and Jesse and Adam were working today, so I got a chance to talk a little bit with them. Everyone is extremely nice, and everyone seems to be a video and/or audio freak. A lot of music fans. I get the feeling though that I’m going to be the movie man, which is pretty cool. At least I got something in common with these people, which is going to make working there at Bose pretty fun. Jesse actually reminds me a lot of Woodard, as they have the same sort of face, voice, hair and both are smokers. Not as heavy, and no word yet if he wears only wife beaters and bowling shirts outside of work, and has a perchance to play video games into the wee hours of the night.

Oh, and Average Joe Hawaii is the shit. I fucking love this show. It has some of the best reality show twists ever. And it even looks like the Joe might win! (Last Joe Adam was obviously superior than the dumb pretty boy, but deep in the pit of your stomach you knew Marissa was too stupid to pick him). Can’t wait until next week!

——Lost in Translation——

(A)

What I really like about this movie is that it has something that you almost never see in other films, a firm appreciation of tone. This movie is all about tone, making you feel exactly the same as the characters on screen. There is definitely that feeling of being there in Japan, lost. Some have unfairly accused it of making fun of the Japanese at times, which is unfortunate because I think they are missing that subtle (or maybe not so subtle) distinction of just not understanding the culture. I, in fact, think Sofia goes to great lengths to show the beauty of the Japanese as well as their peculiarities, which you would find in any culture foreign to your own.

I also really appreciate in this film one of the very few true and adult relationships put to screen. Here are two characters who don’t hook up just because they can or because they want to. They have actual and real baggage. Also I just love that they develop a relationship that is based on more than just sex, but a very real and touching mutual admiration and understanding that grows into a friendship between two kindred souls. Excellent stuff.

——Game of Death——

(C-)

This movie has great intentions–to take footage Bruce Lee filmed before his death that he had planed turning into a film–and comes out with a horrible film that just doesn’t work. I could probably write about all of the things that I hated about this movie for several pages, but I don’t think anyone really cares, so I’ll try to stick to just the main points.

First of all, the soundtrack sucks. Not only does this movie feature the most depressing theme for an action movie ever, but then it keeps playing that theme over and over for the entire movie. I’m not even sure I know if there was another musical cue in the whole film. Then there is the fact that the movie has plot holes that are miles wide as the filmmakers try to work around the fact that they don’t have Bruce Lee and the fact that they have no idea how to get to the footage that they already DO have. It’s pretty painful. All of the actors chosen for this movie suck. They couldn’t act their way out of a paper bag, which is a shame as this movie was Lee’s send off film.

To hide the fact that 90% of the film was shot without Lee they do things like shoot his body double from behind or put him behind giant sunglasses (everyone knows that Uma’s yellow tracksuit in Kill Bill came from this movie, but what you probably didn’t know was that the giant sunglasses she got from Buck were also from this movie). While this does an OK job of hiding the fact that that isn’t really Bruce, it just looks like shit. To try and salvage that a little they cut in footage from his other films for close ups, but if you look real closely the set almost never matches. And while the stand-in does a valiant job of trying to step into Lee’s shoes, in some of the battles it is embarrassingly apparent that that isn’t him fighting, and while they try to bust out a greatest hits collection of his best moves, watching the slow ungraceful stand-in only makes you appreciate Lee’s talent even more.

So 90% of this movie is total shit. Why even watch this movie? Well when you finally get to the end and they actually put in the fight choreography that Lee shot before his death, you realize that you are watching some of the best fight choreography ever, and in my opinion Lee’s best work. For fifteen minutes this horror of a film, if you can even call it that, becomes brilliant as Lee shows us what he’s really made of. It’s fantastic. Any fan of Lee’s need only buy Enter the Dragon and The Chinese Connection, but make sure you at least find this movie and fast forward to the end, because it is totally worth it.

——Empire Records——

(D)

Oh God, this movie was horrible. I’ve seen this type of movie a thousand times before and each and every time that movie had something better than anything in this film. The writer is in total cliché heaven and doesn’t manage to give a single character a single interesting character trait. He also is driving the film under the assumption that not only can every character solve all of their briefly mentioned problems in a single day, but some how it is the store itself that helps them to overcome. It’s absurd, the whole thing. It doesn’t help that everyone seems to be a freaky idiot either. Even the soundtrack isn’t THAT great. Like the film it lacks any cohesive force to hold it together and just pulls apart in a million directions. Gah, I hated this movie.

——American Dragons——

(D)

The first ten minutes of this movie make it look promising enough, but after Bob, Donna’s dad from That 70’s Show shows up as a mob boss I knew this movie was in trouble. Turns out the whole thing is just one really bad East meets West, buddy cop movie. The Yakuza and the Mob are going at it in NYC, and a cop from Korea comes over to help out our undercover cop played by Michael Biehn. But for some reason Biehn hates the Korean guy from the start (even though he was the one who asked for help) and the Korean guy won’t tell Biehn any of the things he knows (even though that was the whole reason he came to NYC in the first place). It all makes no sense, and then they beat each other up and are instantly best friends. Huh? Unfortunately the plot and dialog stay that stupid for the remainder of the film.

On a plus note, this movie does contain one of the more hilarious mob hits I’ve ever seen put on film. It takes place in a bowling alley while Don Giavani plays for no apparent reason on the TVs over the seating. Why, I couldn’t even begin to understand. But it is pretty hilarious.

——F/X——

(C)

This movie isn’t really that great, but it is good enough to offer enough mindless entertainment to keep you entertained for two hours. A Special F/X designer gets hired by the justice department to fake a mob hit, but then everyone is trying to kill him. The first two thirds of the movie contain a pretty entertaining thriller, but then when Brian Denahy the cop starts getting more screen time, the movie takes a dive. God bless his soul, I love him, but Brian Denahy just can’t act. He plays a lame cliché cop trying to figure out what the hell is going on, and does all that, and yet you couldn’t care less. Thankfully the final act of the film is delightfully absurd. The actor playing the F/X guy looks remarkably like Ryan Stiles from Drew Carey and Whose Line, and so when he starts killing bad guys with special effects you can’t help picturing Ryan doing it, and the whole thing takes on this extremely hilarious and yet macabre edge. It doesn’t help that what he is doing is really demented, and when you think about it, highly against the law. I wouldn’t recommend anyone go out of their way to see this, but if it’s on and you have nothing else to do, you could do a lot worse than watch this.

——Tattooed Life——

(A-)

For a while I was beginning to think that this Seijun Suzuki film was going to be a bust. Although it had a good Shakespearean plot and every shot looked expertly and painterly composed, there was none of the crazed wackiness that made Branded to Kill and Tokyo Drifter such fun movies to watch. It was still a good genre film, but not really much more or anything special. Then about halfway through the movie some Godard like shock cuts would appear briefly, not really acting as anything special, but signaling that this wasn’t just another genre film. But then you get to the final act, and all hell (genius) breaks loose.

The story is about two brothers in I’d have to guess pre-WWII Japan. Tetsu is a yakuza who gets betrayed by his employer when his brother, an aspiring artist, comes to his rescue, killing the attacker. Not willing to betray his brother or go to art school after what has happened, the two brothers decide to try to go to Manchuria. Before they can get on the boat, however, a man cons them out of their money, and thus they have to join a construction crew to try and make the money back. There the two brothers fall in love with sisters, but in true Shakespearean fashion their past actions and fatale character flaws come back to betray them.

And that’s where Seijun Suzuki’s true genius comes out to shine. He shoots each scene of revenge with lighting not unlike that a stage director would use, and his compositions become beyond perfect. Tetsu slashes his way through yakuza in an orgy of violence that definitely ranks as some of my all-time most favorite direction. The whole thing just looks amazing. The more Suzuki films I see, the more I want to see. He’s quickly becoming one of my favorite directors. Check this movie out.

——CQ——

(B-)

Roman Coppola has a lot of great ideas bouncing around in his head, but unlike his sister or father he is unable to pull them together into anything resembling a unified whole. This movie is just a mess. Although it was fun to watch and well done, I have no idea what the whole thing is suppose to be about. Well that’s not exactly true. I know what he’s trying to do, but he comes nowhere near actually achieving or earning what he wants. What you are left with is just a hodgepodge of good ideas that are about as organized and well put together as the two films that are made in the film. Like those movies, it’s a miracle this movie even ends at all.

What I think would have been much more interesting is if Roman had decided to just make the Codename Dragonfly movie that you see snippets of them making in the film (there is actually a “complete” fifteen minute version of the Codename Dragonfly film on the DVD). That movie just looks so damn cool. I love Dragonfly’s retro pink catsuit and Billy Zane’s Che revolutionary Mister E and the fact that for no apparent reason other than it looks cool it snows on the moon. It looks fantastically too, like a sci-fi female Austin Powers, as shot by Kubrick. He should have just made that movie into a feature. In fact I’m kind of glad he didn’t, because I kind of want to write my own Codename Dragonfly script now. Besides Dragonfly though, this movie is crap.

You know what I hate? When a TV show with multiple characters has a “theme” episode where different characters are dealing with the same sort of situation all in the same episode. Like everyone is learning about sex at the same time, or dealing with drug addictions, and while all of the characters know each other there is no overlap whatsoever with their problems. I doesn’t matter how well the episode is otherwise written, that just really bothers me. Why can’t everyone deal with their own problems simultaneously without having to group them all together for some greater meaning? Why? WHY?

Granted, when thinking about life and everything it has to offer, this is a rather minor problem. And yet I don’t pretend to know how to curb world hunger. Bad TV writing is my Rushmore.

“Georgia announced that schools will now be able to use the word ‘evolution’ once again in science classes. However, dinosaurs will now be referred to as Jesus Horses.”

That was Jimmy Fallon on SNL last night. I don’t know exactly why, but that was one of the funniest things I had heard in months. I was laughing hard for a good minute. Thought I would just share that with you.

God bless Rolling Stone. Not only are they my one stop shop for music reviews (yeah, that’s right EW. Eat it!), but they also have all sorts of weird nice things in their magazine for me to enjoy. For instance, a few weeks ago they had probably the hottest picture of Kylie Minogue I’ve seen yet, and this week they had an article on her! Then in their news section they have a giant close up shot of Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl with no blurring whatsoever! After looking at the picture two questions come to mind: If it was an accident then A) why is there no bra in sight on that one breast and B) why the hell would she wear that nipple star shield thingy? I’d still like to believe that it was an accident, but come on, it looks just like a publicity stunt.

Because of my dad’s lack of job situation we have to make a lot of cutbacks in our spending until he gets a new job. Now I’m fine with not eating, but then I was told I couldn’t rent movies this weekend. Noooooo! God I need a paycheck fast!

Speaking of which, I start training for my job tomorrow. Should be (hopefully will be) fun. And hopefully I’ll be making some decent money. Working part time, paying for all of that gas and my insurance and loans, I’m really not sure how much money I’m going to be left over with every week. I should be OK though. We’ll see, we’ll see.