I don’t know what it is about the warm weather, but it just makes me horny as hell.
That’s just been a friendly neighborhood Overshare, brought to you by Ben.
——Born Invincible——
(B+)
This Joseph Kuo movie like all his others has amazing fights, but it also has a pretty tame plot. A white haired Tai Chi master kills a school’s master and pretty much the rest of the film is taken up by the students trying to figure out how to kill him (several of them die at his hands in the process). The Tai Chi master is hilarious and there are some pretty sweet fights, but not really one of Joseph Kuo’s best in my opinion.
——Kanto Wanderer——
(A-)
Seijun Suzuki takes yet another Japanese genre convention and turns it on its head, and while this movie doesn’t have as kinetic an ending as Tattooed Life or as bizarre a style as Branded to Kill and Tokyo Drifter, it does have his trademark explosive visual style in spades. The story follows a yakuza who is more interested in the old ways and an older woman than he is in the changing ways of Japan, or the younger girls who seem to have a whole lot more fun that him breaking all of the rules. He’s sensitive and more interested in love and tradition than the rough life of the underworld. Suzuki once again tips a genre on its head, this movie being in stark contrast to the manly gangster tales it was based on. There are plenty of pretty visuals too, the most striking being the scene where the hero kills two men with two strokes, and then the walls fall down to reveal a bright red backdrop. Not his most exciting film, but definitely a very interesting one.
——Ten Tigers from Kwangtung——
(C)
This is the most confusing movie. I have a feeling it was butchered somewhere along the way, but as is it is just a confusing mess. The story is told mainly in flashback by a younger generation, who then finish the fight in the end. The film rarely stays on course though, because in trying to introduce all of the main characters (there are a hell of a lot more than ten, that’s for sure) the movie dips into comic interludes that don’t really go with its serious tone. And then the final fight comes down to characters that aren’t even part of the story, and ends abruptly with someone kicking someone’s head off. Awesome, yes, but it also makes no sense whatsoever. The fights are the only highlight here. The rest of this movie sucks.
——Van Helsing——
(D+)
This movie is the biggest hunk of crap ever. If ever there was a better example of what is wrong with the bloated Hollywood summer blockbuster I don’t know what it could be, other than this. Everything is done to the extreme. Instead of talking, people yell. Instead of one monster, there are three (main ones…and countless other minor ones). Instead of a few choice big action sequences, every action sequence is huge. Instead of a sappy ending, we get an EXTREMELY sappy ending. If you can sit through it with a straight face, hey, more power to you. I mean hell, where most movies would end, this movie goes on for ANOTHER HOUR. It’s ridiculous. If something needs to be explained, it either isn’t or is conveniently solved with a snap of the fingers. How are they going to get out of this situation? Simple, they are going to do what even the impossible has a hard time believing. What a piece of shit. (Why no F? Well, it is funny as all hell to watch.)
——Django——
(A-)
Sergio Corbucci isn’t happy just tinkering with conventions, he has to go completely against them. Django is a man who drags his own coffin behind him, which just happens to be carrying in it a machine gun he wields like the Terminator when he feels it necessary. He walks into the movie like Eastwood’s Man with No Name, but it doesn’t take long before we realize that he is just a money grubbing opportunist bastard. Which ironically, in Corbucci’s world, is what Django is trying to run from. He’s just trying to con a bag of gold out of some bastards, and kill some other bastards while doing it, and yet real life isn’t the movies, and things don’t work out for Django like they do in the movies. The girl dies, the money falls in a sinkhole, and Django’s hands get crushed by horses’ hooves. He does manage to kill the bad guy in the end (a raciest KKK like figure who’s gang wears red hoods) but the conclusion takes place in a graveyard, symbolic of the fact that Django has much less than what he started with, and reminds us of the fact that we first saw him dragging around his own coffin.
——If You Live, Shoot!——
(B)
While I really respect this movie for being so different, (it resembles a Bunuel movie more than anything Ford or Hawks did) I didn’t find it particularly fun to watch. It was more fun to find all of the social and religious metaphors in it than it was to cheer for the main character at all. The whole thing is rather surreal, and yet not so much so that it becomes something sublime. Just something surreal enough to set it apart from the pack. It’s a cult film in a cult genre, and a well made one, just not my cup o’ tea.
——Lady Snowblood——
(A+)
Nothing could have prepared me for how freakin’ cool this movie is. I sat down expecting an above average grind house movie with some good action and lots of blood. And I got that, but oh so much more. The production values in this movie are amazing. The script is tight, interesting, surprising and unique. This movie was most definitely the main inspiration for Kill Bill, and after watching this what Tarantino did isn’t quite as special anymore. The story is told in chapters, slightly out of sequence and the story unravels in layers, important information being revealed only when necessary. The film uses filter lenses and mixed media superbly, and even “he’s my father!” moments that would normally be hokey in any other film actually improve this film, tying up loose ends and helping everything make sense. This movie is hardcore, it takes no prisoners and doesn’t sacrifice quality for spectacle at any time.
The story revolves around a mother whose husband and son are killed because of mistaken identity by four criminals, who then gets tortured and raped by them and left for dead. She tracks down one of them who doesn’t remember her and kills them in bed, O-Ren style. Unfortunately she is then caught and sent to prison for life. There she sleeps with every man available, in the hopes of getting pregnant, so that the child can carry on her crusade. She doesn’t have a boy like she wanted though, and dies shortly after giving birth to a girl who then studies under the cruel tutelage of a priest, who trains her to kill. When she turns twenty, Lady Snowblood goes out to finish off the three remaining villains for a mother and family she never knew.
The movie isn’t just a simple revenge tale though. Each of the three remaining is unique in their own way, and although the tales of their deaths are told in separate chapters the effects of one chapter bleed into the next. I believe the movie is based off of a manga, and if so this is indeed one of the greatest adaptations of a work I’ve ever seen. You can just tell all of the complexity of that story made it into the film, and in an easily digestible form that tells you all you need to know while fitting into the format the story desires at the same time. Couple that with the fact that this film has easily the best and most complete subtitles of any foreign film I’ve ever seen, and you’re in for a good ride. I can’t recommend this movie enough.
My aunt recently went on vaction in Hawaii and she saw this Hula Homer thing that she just had to get me. It’s pretty much Homer Simpson in a grass skirt and a coconut bikini and he bobbles like those Hula girls you put on your dashboard and if you press his foot he sings or says “D’oh!” It’s pretty cool, and apparently you can stick it to your dash if you want. The only thing is that it is pretty nice, and like 10″ tall. I kind of want to put it in my car, but I just don’t know.
Man, it’s been a long week. I just finished five days after a six day week last week. I’m pretty beat. Also this week we totally remodeled the store. It looks awesome (there are like twice as many flat screen TVs now; they’re everywhere!) but it made for a really long week. Plus my Ass. Manager was being a jerk again. Oh well, what are you going to do?
I thought this was the coolest idea ever. I wish I had friends here, I’d totally start my own club. Alas I can only dream. I got this from my favorite blog by a guy I don’t even know, http://www.defectiveyeti.com :
Some of of my of friends banded together to form The Race-ists Club. Every Sunday two of them run a 200 m. foot race to see who will win, and, afterwards, everyone heads to a local pub to celebrate the outcome. Although members aren’t technically required to be out-of-shape when they join, they are prohibited from training for their race in any way.
PS: Go to the website to see the awesome picture that goes with it!
——The Punisher——
(C-)
What we have here is a movie made in the wrong time. Back in the 70’s when the Punisher was created, or in the 80’s when testosterone driven action movies were king this movie would feel right at home. Today it feels really out of place though. It doesn’t help that much of the plot is laughably extreme.
Travolta’s son stupidly tags along on an illegal gun purchase and then because he’s a moron who doesn’t drop his gun when the cops show up, he gets gunned down by the cops. They figure out that Frank Castle was leading the raid, and thus he must die. But Travolta’s wife decides that isn’t enough, his WHOLE FAMILY must die. Now I thought at first that just meant that his wife and son had to die. But no, no, no. Conveniently the Castles just happen to be having a family reunion in Puerto Rico, of all places, and so indeed, Frank’s WHOLE FAMILY is gunned down. Every last second cousin and weird aunt.
Frank then gets beat up, stabbed, shot a couple times, blown up and drowned, and yet he just keeps on ticking. He needs to get justice, you see. So he kills a shit load of people. And then he goes a little overboard by setting up some elaborate plot where Travolta actually kills his own wife and best friend. Why? Who knows. But it is pretty funny.
Although the movie is horrible as hell, at least it is pretty amusing, and the action sequences are so over the top that they just work. Not a good movie, but it is some great entertainment.
——Aguirre, the Wrath of God——
(A-)
This movie is exactly like what Apocalypse Now did for Heart of Darkness in Vietnam, only this time we are dealing with Spanish Conquistadors. Aguirre is going to find the Lost City of Gold no matter what, and he manages to keep everyone in line with the thought that it must be just around the next bend in the river. Every man will be his own king, and they’ll create a kingdom to rival Spain. Meanwhile the river is eating them alive. Madness is everywhere. And the movie is absolutely gripping.
Herzog films the movie brilliantly, able to show the majesty of this conquering army while showing the absurdity of their situation (what exactly are they conquering?) at the same time. Kinski is equally powerful in his performance. His madness is so terrifying that it manages to touch you outside of the screen. A great film.
——A Bullet for the General——
(A-)
Superbly shot and filled with probably the most political subtext of any western I’ve seen, A Bullet for the General manages to be both incredibly entertaining and intellectually deep at the same time. A marauder who says he fights for the rights of his people only realizes what that means after greed has caused him to abandon everything he has said he was fighting for. One of the best Spaghetti Western’s I’ve seen. Recommended.
——Four of the Apocalypse——
(B)
This movie suffers from not knowing what type of movie it really is. It starts out as a sort of horror movie, where four social rejects (a gambler, a prostitute, a drunk and a crazy black guy who says he talks with ghosts) leave a town with nothing after its inhabitants are all killed in an effort to clean the lawless town up. On the road they meet a crazy man who sadistically tortures them and rapes the prostitute, finally leaving them there to die.
Then somewhere the movie turns into a love story between the gambler and the prostitute, and when it comes time for her to have her baby she has it in a town completely of men, who dote on the baby like loving mothers when the real mother dies. The gambler then leaves them with the baby to take vengeance on the man who tortured them.
Parts of the movie are extremely good, but then it goes all funky. The soundtrack also really sucks. It has this weird folk singer acting like a Greek chorus and telling us what we already know from watching the movie. Aside from that though the movie is pretty good.
——Nosferatu, Phantom of the Night——
(A-)
Of all of the adaptations of Bram Stoker’s Dracula that I’ve seen, this movie for me is probably the best. Herzog manages to perfectly capture the terror that Dracula unleashes all around him, while creating Dracula has this sympathetic character that longs for love and loathes his immortality, and yet can’t help being who he is. He’s just a lonely guy who is so far gone in his transformation to evil that he can never go back no matter how hard he tries. Lucy does her best to stop Dracula, but ultimately fails in her pursuits. The movie remains haunting though, long after it is over.
——Raising Cain——
(C+)
To be perfectly honest, this movie is God awful terrible. It’s just really, really bad. However, Brian De Palma goes so freakin’ over the top with it that you can’t help enjoying yourself while you watch the film, despite what your brain is trying to tell you. Yeah the movie blows, but could you be having more fun watching it? I doubt it. The movie is about split personalities and the film seems to have a split personality of its own. It’s all over the place. And that’s why it is so great. You never know where the heck De Palma is going to be going with it next.
——Twilight Samurai——
(A)
This movie was nominated for Best Foreign film last year, and deservedly so. This movie is like a breath of fresh air, it is so simple and touching and not what you expected. A poor widowed samurai must take care of his two little girls, his senile old mother and his own farm, and yet his poor situation doesn’t bother him at all. In fact he’d rather be a farmer. He enjoys the simple little pleasures of life, and feels no real longing for a proper samurai lifestyle. Most of the film is really a romance, as a childhood friend divorces her abusive husband and begins spending more and more time with the samurai. Nothing is easy for them though…
The climax of the film comes when it is discovered that despite his miser appearance he is really a master of the short sword, and he is asked to kill a ronin who has refused to commit seppuku after his master has died. The samurai at first refuses because he has no desire to kill, but he is forced to do it, and the film ends with a battle to the death. A fantastic film, worth seeing.
——Texas Adios——
(B)
This movie is weird in that it is most definitely the most American Spaghetti Western I’ve ever seen. John Wayne could easily take the place of Franco Nero here. So while it is a pretty solid Western, there really isn’t much to make it stand out on its own. It’s a revenge film with a pretty standard structure, and a few Italian flourishes here and there don’t really add too much to the genre.
——Keoma——
(A-)
Despite a few flaws this film really is a Spaghetti Western masterpiece. Most of those flaws a plot problems, which makes sense after watching the documentary on the disk, as they mention that all of the dialogue would be written on the day of filming. That’s because the director was focused on the visuals, and damn are they good. Keoma is an Indian half breed who comes back from the Civil War only to find his town taken over by assholes wanting to let the town die from plague so that they can pick up the pieces and make a fortune. Almost every shot in the film makes you watch in awe, especially the explosive gun fight that ends the film, easily one of the best I’ve seen. A great film, totally recommended.
——The Ladykillers——
(A-)
I went into this movie with reservations, since the last Coen brothers movie I saw, Intolerable Cruelty, was a big stinker. I was then delighted to see that this movie was really frickin’ funny. After successfully robbing a casino vault against all odds, this group of misfits is ultimately outwitted by a religious old black woman who doesn’t even know that she’s outwitting them (ultimately meaning they outwitted themselves). It’s goofy, it’s hilarious, it’s really a whole lot of fun.
——Mother, Jugs & Speed——
(B+)
This black comedy is really a lost gem from the 70’s. Bill Cosby plays Mother, the best ambulance driver who just also happens to drink beers out of his cooler in the front seat while on the job and takes pleasure in making nuns scatter by turning on his siren while they cross the road. Speed is Harvey Keitel, a cop accused of selling drugs to kids who can only work as an ambulance driver while his case goes to court. And Raquel Welch is Jugs of course, who, well, looks really fine in tight sweaters. The movie can be really funny and touching at times, and the whole film is pretty cool.
——Mean Girls——
(A-)
I was surprised at how devilishly good this movie was. Tina Fey’s script is spot on perfect, and the direction doesn’t try to mess with it at all. The acting is perfect too (especially from the SNL cast members, none of whom overact and thus steal the film away from the girls it is really about). I think this movie, along with Thirteen, should be required viewing in high school.
Oh, and Lindsey Lohan is fucking hot. Just 60 more days…
——Shogun Assassin——
(A-)
It was a little hard watching this film from the perspective of being a huge Lone Wolf and Cub fan, since the comics are so far superior to this film. But then they will be to almost every film made based on those comics. By grind house standards though, this is an excellent arterial spray film. It’s a lot like the comic though, in that it is pretty much composed of various different episodes where Itto kills people. And every time he slashes someone, blood flies EVERYWHERE. It’s pretty cool. The only real drag of the film is that to simplify it a lot of the political subtext of the comics has been done away with.
——Invincible Pole Fighter——
(A)
This movie feels a lot like a Technicolor epic from the 30’s in both tone and scope. Sometimes the production values can look a little cheap and cheesy, but I think that is only because the director is trying to do so frickin’ much in one film. Gordon Liu rips it up yet again, as one of the seven Yang brothers. They are betrayed to the Mongols by traitors, who kill the Yang father and all but two sons. One goes home insane, while Gordon Liu joins a monastery. There he perfects his pole fighting, only to use it later when his sister is in jeopardy. The final set piece and fight are just jaw droppingly cool, and like most Gordon Liu films this one has to be seen to be believed.
So we are watching the season finale of Survivor All-Stars and it comes down to the final two, Rob and Amber. Rob who has completely dominated the game since day one and totally deserves to win (Richard only wishes he could have played the game as well) and Amber who is, well, kinda cute. No way in hell did Amber deserve to win.
So for a couple weeks now Survivor has been promoting their big new twist in the final episode. No one knows what it is. So then they read the final vote. Amber, beyond all comprehension, actually wins the game by…well, I don’t know why. So then my mom goes in all seriousness…
“So was that the big new twist?”
God, the season finale of The O.C. was really frickin’ sad. man o man.
I other news my assistant manager is a complete asshole. In the past two days he’s verbally attacked me a couple times, being a real self promoting dick. If I ever get a chance to really write something down I’ll tell you about it, but as I’m working 40 hours this week I ain’t got time for SHIT.
Look in the dictionary under “stupid”, you’ll probably see a picture of me.
Ugh…
So I got my first speeding ticket today. I’m driving through Arlington (a 35) going 48 (when the officer told me that I really wanted to say, “I really wasn’t going over 50?” That would not have been smart.). That’s not the bad part. You want to know WHY I got caught? At the time I was so caught up in my own thoughts about how I hadn’t even come close to getting caught speeding and some bullshit about how I was totally one with the universe and shit that I would never get caught unless karma got me, that I totally didn’t react to the fact that I saw a cop car coming at me from a mile away. I literally didn’t react until he was like 20 feet away from me.
Suffice to say, I wasn’t too surprised to see him do a U-Turn immediately after passing me.
All I could think was “you fucking moron,” and I just took my ticket like a man.
(To put things into even better perspective, earlier that drive I had passed a slow moving van easily pushing 80 (me, not the fan) and like an asshole had made a joke about speeding when talking to a cashier at Northshire Bookstore when I mentioned that I lived in Hoosick Falls and she commented on the length of my commute. Idiot.)
Since it was my first offense (ever!) he cut five mph off of the ticket, cutting the price of it from something like 180 to 67 bucks. Also, at least according to the officer, if I take care of the ticket immediately it shouldn’t affect my insurance at all because Vermont doesn’t usually communicate with New York about such things. Although, he could have just been blowing smoke out of his ass.
Does anyone know the difference between Admitted and No Contest? Which box do I check?
——
Oh, also I was voted Bose employee of the month today. Man, that would have been a whole lot cooler if I weren’t such a moron.
——
The reason I was at Northshire was that a coworker had mentioned that he wanted to go to pick up a DVD kit for his X-Box, and since I’d never been before I decided to tag along. I didn’t plan on actually buying anything, but on my way out I just happened to notice that they had Blacksad, a comic by a Spanish animator that worked for Disney, a comic that I had tried to find with Harry one day and stumped not one but TWO comic book stores as to what it was. And Northshire fucking had it. Again, something that would have been really awesome had I not been a dumbass.
Fox renewed The O.C. for another season! There is a God!
C'est Non Un Blog 