C'est Non Un Blog

Do you ever think about how we all live another life that we know nothing about? You know what I’m talking about: sleep. Eight hours a day we are completely oblivious to everything around us. You ever stop and think that you have no idea what you are like when you asleep? People tell you that you snore, you toss and turn, you talk, you walk. You just shrug your shoulders. You have no idea if it is at all true or not. You have no idea. You don’t even know if the world falls apart after you close your eyes. There are years of your life you know nothing about. How spooky is that?

Hey, is anyone free next Thursday/Friday? It’s looking like the answer is no, meaning another year, another b-day alone. Sigh.

These two girls came into the store today. Jeremy and I were working. One of them acted like she knew Jeremy. Jeremy was on the phone though, so I helped them out. The other one, who was really cute, was looking for a CD player, so I showed her the Wave Music System. When Jeremy got off the phone he talked to the other one. I really liked the other girl, but I did no more than some very subtle flirting. I don’t know what I was thinking. OK, yes, I do know what I was thinking. I was thinking, Jeremy knows this girl. I smile, make nice. Get her to recognize me without actually hitting on her (because I’m really not suppose to do that at work) and when I get a second alone with Jeremy I find out what his friend’s friend’s deal is.

Uh yeah, he didn’t actually know her. She had been in the store before and had worked with him. That’s how they knew each other. Jeremy couldn’t exactly call her up and ask what her friend’s deal was and did she like his friend. Uh no. Cause she’s a customer. Damn me. You should have talked more with her.

The really sick part is that I’m pretty sure she was at least kinda into me. And I blew it. Big moron. At least the bright side is that Jeremy really thinks they will be back, as the other girl the first time she came in came back like four times the same day before finally buying what she came in to get. So I have that. Best to prepare myself and not fuck up two times in a row.

In other news I spotted Blondie today. She wasn’t part of the horse show! The obsession lives on…

In yet other news, today Jeremy announced that his wife was pregnant for the first time. He didn’t want to say anything until they were sure so they waited a good three, four months before saying anything to anyone.

Which got me thinking. Earlier this summer Jeremy had told me that Sara wanted him to quit the reefer while they were trying to conceive to prevent low sperm count and, you know, funny sperm. They were going to start trying in August. “But wait,” I say to myself, “now is August.” If they waited before telling anyone wouldn’t that mean…?

Yep, Jeremy and I had gotten blazed together in a last hurrah at exactly the same time little junior was conceived. Oops.

OK, does this make me a loser? I don’t know. Yes, I did get the complete series of Undeclared today, and yes, I did get season 1 of the US version of the Office today in the mail. I could have done a lot of things today, true. Gone out. Had fun. Hey, I could have cleaned my incredibly messy room. Did I do these things? Well, no. Did I watch both new DVDs in their entirety today? Uh, yes. Yes I did. Am I ashamed at all of these facts? No. It was funny, dammit. Damn funny. So you can see the shape of my ass in the couch. So what? So I didn’t take a shower today and so it was my only day off this week and only day off until next Thursday. It was funny. Damn funny.

And don’t you forget that.

In my old age I find myself beginning to mellow out when it comes to babies. I’m not sure why, but at the same time most girls are discovering their mothering instinct men are undergoing the exact opposite transformation. You know what I’m talking about. You ever see a young man surrounded by women cooing over a new baby when suddenly the baby crawls near him and all the women get the brilliant idea that he should hold it? You all know that utter look of horror that flows all across his face. That, “oh shit, are they serious?” look. Unless he grew up with tons of younger siblings he is totally lost in that situation.

Which makes you wonder what Nature had in mind when it put this instinct into us men. Early man would jump on a tiger with a spear but heaven forbid he has to hold a baby; come near him with one and he goes running into the woods screaming like a little girl. Here is this little pile of pink flesh that he could break in half with one hand and he’s terrified of it. Maybe that’s because he knows that if he did break it in half that group of women that just had to see him holding the baby would pounce on him and tear him to pieces. And there is nothing more terrifying than that.

I find myself more amused by babies now than I ever did though. One smiles, I smile. They do something funny, I laugh. I no longer feel the urge to climb up the furniture when one comes in the room, like a cat with a dog. I must be maturing in my old age.

I still don’t want to hold your baby though, so don’t get any smart ideas.

What is it with 15 year old girls wearing that swishy little skirt that is so hot right now that just barely covers their ass? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the skirt. But why are only 15 year olds wearing them? I can’t stare at them. What kind of world do we live in?

Still no sign of Blondie. I think Neil may be right, after all.

We had a very promising candidate come in and apply for a job. Let’s cross our fingers people. I really like him.

My sister stole my damn new Rolling Stone and won’t give it back.

No sign of her today. I wonder if that means she’s gone already?

I’ve been very at peace today. Drove home via 313, on a whim. It was nice. Different.

I bought a DVD on Avant-Garde Cinema from the 1920s and 30s. Watched about the first hour or so. It’s funny, as much as I loathed my Film and Modernism class with Pruitt Freshman year I really do miss avant-garde cinema. There is just something about watching seemingly random moving images and trying to combine them in your mind to make something beautiful and artistic. As much of a pain in the ass that class was it did truly change who I am today. The way I’ve looked at film and art in general has never been the same. I’m better for it.

Room still a disaster. I’m thinking of getting a cell phone. Should I?

Jeremy went across the street to get a hot dog from Neil’s cart and while he was over there he asked them if they knew of a girl that walked by every day. Instantly they knew who Jeremy was talking about. Unfortunately they didn’t know much else about my mysterious “Blondie”. Jeremy did tell me though that Neil thought that she was part of the horse show, which surpisingly almost sent me into a panic attack, as the horse show ends tomorrow.

So now the test: if she walks up the street next week we’ll know she lives in Manchester. Jeremy and I are dubious of this Horse Show rumor. For instance, what is she doing in Manchester all day, in the middle of the day? She can’t possibly be working at the horse show if she’s walking around Manchester twice a day, can she?

It still drives me nuts that I can’t just talk to Blondie and get this all over with. Today she walked by on our side of the street while I was right in the window working with a customer. For a moment I wasn’t sure what I was suppose to do, until I realized what an idiot I really am.

If there were an earthquake in Upstate New York, my room right now would look like the aftermath.

I got a new shelving unit for my ever-increasing DVD collection, constructed it (somehow) in my room and then made a new place for it in my room. And it works great. The one problem is that in making room for it I’ve displaced almost everything else in my room. It’s going to take me a good decade to dig myself out from under this mess.

Sigh. Oh well.

…seriously, you’ve never seen a mess like this. I can’t believe I live like this.

So the other day I’m pumping gas, see that the Vermont State Powerball is up to 92 Million dollars and on a whim buy only my second lotto ticket ever, thinking (and totally expecting) that my karma was all lined up and I’d be set for life. I even started making plans for the cross country road trip I was going to take.

Flash forward to this morning when I look on in horror as not one of my numbers is actually on the computer screen. Stupid fucking lottery.