Heroes Linguistics Question:

Anyone else notice that the Cheerleader’s Texan accent has disappeared the last few weeks and was replaced with a more typical accent-less “American” accent?

Also, has anyone else noticed that sometimes Hiro understands and speaks English pretty well, and other times he seems not to know any English at all (thus leaving a reason to have his buddy tag along)? There is an inconsistency somewhere in there. (And no, I’m not talking about perfect English, no Japanese accent future Hiro. I’m talking about present day Hiro.)

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Heroes

I just finished watching every episode of Heroes that’s aired so far, all of them today. All I can say is what a cool show. I’m hooked.

Now save that damn Cheerleader already.

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The Monday Movie Review

Still no internet at the house, so I had to use a floppy disk to get this to work (see, people, you can still use a 3.5″ disk!).  I’ve gotten back on my regular movie watching schedule, so expect lots of reviews and some pretty great movies this week.  Enjoy!

(October 23)
 
——The Prestige (2006)——
 
This week I saw three movies at the theater in two days, and this one was by far my favorite. And that’s saying a lot, considering the company it keeps. The Prestige is that other 19th century magician movie that is not The Illusionist, which I reviewed back when it came out. [Note: Now that I’ve been thinking about it, I did review it, but I never posted it because I never completed all of my reviews for that week. So, uh, sorry.] Of the two, The Prestige is by far the more entertaining and worthwhile movie. If you see only one magic movie this year, make it The Prestige!
 
If you were able to read my review, which unfortunately you aren’t yet, you’d have seen that I thought it was a classy production, but something about it just didn’t sit with me right. It was classy, well done and all that, but it just wasn’t…great, you know? It was missing something. It felt more like a con man movie (which you know annoy me to no end) than a movie about magic. What was it missing? It turns out the answer was another magician. Amazingly, having two magicians trying to out do each other in showmanship, to almost homicidal means, is much more fun than watching just one magician do it. Christian Bale is the magician with more skill but less showmanship, who develops a trick called the Transporting Man that knocks everyone’s socks off, because no one can figure out how he does it. His rival is played by Hugh Jackman, who is the lesser magician but a much greater showman. With Michael Caine they develop their own version of the Transporting Man that is much more successful, but Jackman can’t get out of his head Bale’s version. He just can’t figure out how he did it and will go to any lengths to figure it out. Oh, and did I mention that Bale killed his wife? That might have something to do with the rivalry too.
 
Director and co-writer Christopher Nolan (Memento, Batman Begins) tells the story in a very interesting and effective manner. The chronology of the story bounces all over the place, as Bale reads Jackman’s diary, which in turn is all about reading Bale’s diary in an effort to learn the secrets to his illusions. Therefore there are three different time lines that all connect together. We learn the secrets to doing a lot of their tricks while still leaving enough mystery in the drama to keep you glued to the seat. Add to the mix David Bowie playing Tesla, who might have invented some real magic, and you’ve got yourself one hell of a fun movie.
 
(MUST SEE)
 
——Marie Antoinette (2006)——
 
I think the critics who trashed this film were kind of missing the point, because I found it to be an extremely wonderful, finely crafted edition to Sofia Coppola’s trilogy of lonely women. I really liked this movie. It’s told entirely from Marie’s perspective, so don’t expect too much about the French Revolution that took her head. It is only hinted at on the sidelines of the story, that is until the peasants actually storm Versailles. But that makes sense. Versailles is such an isolated place, why would they see it coming? They live in their own little world, completely alien to anything else out there.
 
Coppola gives you a great feeling of this in the opening act of the film, where Marie is immersed quite quickly into the absurd rituals of court life. She can only stand back, bemused by how weird the French nobility are. But she’s got to survive too, and makes the court her own, if only to survive the years of not being with child because her teenage husband is afraid to touch her. (He likes locks. That’s his thing. Seriously.)
 
A big deal was also made about the fact that there are a lot of contemporary songs in the soundtrack to the film. Well, not only is it a great soundtrack, but it is also completely overblown how prominent those songs are in the film. They actually fit in extremely well with the tone. A lot of the songs are even cut off before the vocals start, so that you get all of the mood of them without the contemporary images floating in your head. 
 
What I really like though is that Marie Antoinette is a period piece that doesn’t feel like a period piece. And by that I mean, it doesn’t feel stuffy. You know what I’m talking about. Everyone acts like they know they are in a period piece. The people who really lived then didn’t act like they were in a period piece. They acted just like how we act, in the here and now. And that’s how everyone acts in this film. The contemporary music is not used to be some sort of jarring opposition to the image but to compliment it, giving us a way to identify with who someone different from us could be feeling just the way that we do. The film has a really fresh and immediate feeling to it. I definitely recommend picking it up.
 
(MUST SEE)
 
——New Jack City (1991)——
 
Ice T is a rough cop on a mission to bring down the new drug czar in town, played by Wesley Snipes, whose figured out the perfect business model for the sale of Crack cocaine. Take over a housing building. Forcibly evict anyone who is not on board for that. Get everyone else hooked on Crack while turning the building into a fortress to keep the cops out. Chris Rock is a Crack head who sobers up and tries to take Snipes down from the inside. From his point of view we see the really horrible side of Crack that you don’t get to see too often in film. His sections of the film are probably the best. Mario Van Peebles makes a pretty interesting, fun picture, but it doesn’t reach the level of great and definitely isn’t as polished as his later and greater tribute to his father, Baadasssss! It’s like Scarface-lite (which just happens to make a pretty large appearance in the film). 
 
(SEE)
 
(October 24)
 
——Flags of Our Fathers (2006)——
 
I have mixed feelings about Flags of Our Fathers. Now, I love war movies and great battle sequences, and Clint Eastwood really goes above and beyond with his depiction of Iwo Jima. You really get a good feeling for the size and the scope of this battle, from the battleships to the soldiers on the beach to the dug in Japanese and the planes flying overhead, you really see it all, and it’s quite impressive, on par with a lot of battle sequences I’ve seen post-Saving Private Ryan. The rest of the film left me feeling a little disappointed though. The story is of the men who raised the famous flag over Iwo Jima that helped America push on through the hard parts of the end of the war. Their tortured because they don’t really feel like they did enough to be called heroes, because that’s what they are now. But all they did was raise a flag. You can’t even see their faces in the picture. Why should they be special, when all of their buddies died on those volcanic beaches?
 
The movie does a good job of getting into their heads, but not good enough, I thought. The characters never feel like more than sketches. Ira Hayes, the Native American who took to drinking to cope, is the only one we get very close too. Most of the rest of it feels like The Greatest Generation recap, making us long for the immediacy of the beaches of Iwo Jima again. This never felt as “special” as it should have. It’s good and worth seeing, but not quite the classic it aims to be.
 
(SEE)
 
——Sleepaway Camp (1983)——
 
I was sold on buying Sleepaway Camp based on a review I read, calling it by far the best of the summer camp horror movies to come out after the success of Friday the 13th. And I can’t say I was disappointed by that review. Sleepaway Camp is every bit of the campy goodness that it promises. Just seeing the prologue, where a motorboat runs over a father and his two kids, and already you know you are in for something special. The movie plays off the normal and the surreal for its entire length. I think that that is its strength. It has this really natural sounding screenplay. The kids look and sound like real kids, not 20-something struggling actors. This is a real look at summer camp. Where there just happen to be a series of grisly killings. It can get a little over the top at times, which is really fun. And the ending…well, that has to be seen to be believed. I definitely recommend this one to horror fans because its not the same old, same old. This one has got a little life to it and constantly had me guessing who the real killer was (and why) until the very end. Plus, for some reason I cannot even begin to explain to myself, I love summer camp movies. And this is a great one. It almost reminded me of Wet Hot American Summer, except without all of the self-aware humor.
 
(MUST SEE)
 
(October 26)
 
——Feast (2006)——
 
You walk into a horror movie. The film starts and you are introduced to various characters in a bar. You know what’s going to happen to most of these folks. Which is why it is so funny when the action freeze-frames so that we can learn a little bit about each character, including their predicted life expectancy. For instance, Jason Mewes is in the movie (Jay of Jay and Silent Bob, for those unfamiliar) and when his card comes up his name is…Jason Mewes and his life expectancy is something like: We should be glad he’s still alive right now.
 
Every character in the movie gets something like this, but it doesn’t really mean much because this movie doesn’t pull the regular horror movie punches. For instance, when the man labeled “Hero” busts into the bar and explains how he is going to be the one to keep them all alive from the hungry monsters outside, his life expectancy is given as “pretty damn good” right before his head is bitten clean off. The screenplay for this is delightfully fucked up. There is a great knowledge of how horror movies work in this script, and whenever one of the characters does something you would normally think to do in a horror movie, chances are, they are soon to be eaten. It’s very funny and very disturbing (when they kill one of the baby monsters the parents eat the baby, have sex on the hood of a car and then make another one.)
 
This is a fantastic horror movie, flawed in only one way: It is nearly unwatchable. I don’t know what they were thinking, because otherwise this movie is amazingly fun. There are three big problems: 1) The aspect ratio is way too wide for the film. This is a 2.35:1 film when it should be 1.88:1. Why should it be smaller? Well, for one, the entire film takes place inside a small bar and the majority of shots are close-ups. There’s no need for all of that extra space. A smaller aspect ratio would have afforded the film more claustrophobia, which is great for any horror movie. The other problem is that a majority of the action happening above and below the frame is cut out, so it can be very confusing to figure out what is happening, which wouldn’t be so bad except for 2) the lighting is way too dark. They sucked all of the light out of the picture when they filmed this. I had to turn off the basement light and it was still too dark to really tell what was happening half of the time. Not cool. Finally, 3) any time something exciting happened the frame rate sped up and got all juttery. That combined with the above and some quick editing meant that whenever a monster would attack you would have no idea what the hell was actually going on. It’s a real shame, because otherwise this one was a winner.
 
(SEE)
 
(October 27)
 
——Hoosiers (1986)——
 
While at times Hoosiers can dip its toes into hokey sentimentality (especially when it comes to Jerry Goldsmith’s score), overall this is an extremely well made sports movie. Credit for its success has to be given to Gene Hackman and the script’s portrayal of his character, which avoids all cliché in developing a very well rounded, flawed character. 
 
This movie is the very definition of an underdog sports movie. In the 50’s a small farm town school in the middle of nowhere Indiana battled extreme odds to come out of nowhere and win the state championship. Not only that, but they also got a new coach that year who no one liked because he dared to try and do things differently from the way they’d always been done. The team barely has enough players to do substitutions and starts of the season with a losing streak. What Hackman’s character brings to their story is discipline. He knows that they can put the ball through the hoop.  What he wants to see is them working as a team to do so. 
 
He’s not a popular guy either. Upon arriving in the town he gets one of the chilliest receptions one could ever expect to get in a small town. He’s not perfect either. His previous job coaching was at the college level, where he lost his job for hitting a player. He gets so passionate in games that he’s often thrown out by the ref. But finally the team starts to jell, and then they start to win, and finally they are going beyond anyone’s greatest expectations for what they could achieve. It’s a great story, and a fun movie.
 
(SEE)
 
——Tucker: A Man and His Dream (1988)——
 
Surprisingly as timely now as when it was made, Tucker is a movie about everything that is wrong with this country, told through the perspective of a kid high on sugar. You’d have to be a fool to still believe in what we know as “the American Dream,” and this movie shows you exactly why that is the case. 
 
Tucker is a character larger than life that it seems is constantly bursting with energy (this is where the whole high on sugar thing comes in) and ideas. During World War II he develops an extremely fast armored car that the War Department doesn’t end up wanting because it is just too fast. After the War he comes up with an idea for a car that is so revolutionary that it would put the Big Three of Detroit out of business. This is a car that turned out to be years ahead of its time, much better and safer than anything currently available, with plenty of new features that you’d find on today’s cars. The Big Three thus did what any sane corporation would try to do when someone comes out with a spectacularly better product: They tried to bury it. The bottom line doesn’t exactly encourage innovation. They throw every hurdle they can think of in front of Tucker. This would crush any normal man. But Tucker isn’t an ordinary man, overcoming impossible odds to actually make his dream car.
 
Washington, under pressure from the Big Three, isn’t going to have any of that though. They put him on trial, similar to Howard Hughes’ Spruce Goose case (he tells Tucker of his own troubles), saying that Tucker was given money to make a car he had no intention of delivering. And they’ve got a point, except for the whole fact that HE MADE THE DAMN CAR! And not just one, but all fifty that he agreed to deliver in year’s time. Tucker wins his court case but the Big Three win the war and Tucker is put out of business. One can’t look at our current Congress or at our problems with outsourcing and not see direct parallels with Tucker. At one point in the movie he tells everyone in the courtroom that without innovation, America will watch its enemies make the electronics and cars that we once proudly made, and they’ll make them better. Everyone laughs, especially those representing the Big Three. With GM now in serious financial trouble and the top car companies now located in Japan, Tucker’s prediction has become true. We’ve screwed ourselves and we’re too stupid to even notice.
 
I liked the movie, but it didn’t quite feel real enough for me. Tucker is too much of a cartoon. Every time real life drama tries to insist itself on the action, the camera takes a step back to the enthusiastic and optimistic tone of the fifties. Every once and a while you think that Tucker might be pushing things too far, that he might alienate one of his faithful workers with the nonstop effort or scare his happy family that he’s gone off the deep end. But that scene never comes. Tucker’s relentless optimism always comes back to save the day. Maybe that’s how it really happened. It just didn’t feel real to me, though.
 
(SEE)
 
(October 28)
 
—–Funny Face (1956)——
 
Although I usually don’t go out of my way to pick up musicals, but this one just kept throwing itself at me, after recent inclusions in a Gap commercial and an episode of Gilmore Girls, where it got quite a bit of, pardon the pun, face time. And let’s face it, after watching the movie I have to say that so far Audrey Hepburn and Fred Astaire have yet to do me wrong. Funny Face is just bubbling up with excited energy and fun. Everyone just seems to be having a great time making the movie, which is always important when making a musical. Hepburn in particular is magnificent, throwing herself completely into her role as the homely book clerk philosopher with a “funny face” that is transformed in a fashion model. Has anyone else, before or since, looked so excited to be in a musical number? I can’t think of anyone.
 
Fred Astaire is a fashion photographer who meets Hepburn’s character when a photo shoot, led by his always moving forward fashion magazine editor boss, invades itself upon her small philosophy bookstore. The rest of the fashion people completely disregard her frumpy mess but Astaire notices that, DUH, that is Audrey FRAKIN’ Hepburn in the sack dress. He convinces his boss that she’s the new “It” girl she’s been looking for, while at the same time convincing Hepburn to become a model so that she can go to Paris to hear a philosopher she loves speak. They of course fall in love, although neither one, in true Musical fashion, is willing to just come out and admit that. There is lots of dancing and singing mingled in with the standard Musical misunderstandings until finally they realize that they are both crazy for each other and dance off into the sunset. Only the most cynical heart will refused to be warmed by this movie.
 
(MUST SEE)
 
——A Shock to the System (1990)——
 
A Shock to the System is one of those small, lost in the shuffle movies with no flashy premise to fall back on, but nevertheless is still so good and compelling that you can’t help but wonder why you’ve never heard of it before. It’s a delightfully dark black comedy about a guy who used to have it all, but now only has a nagging, unloving wife after getting passed over for the promotion he’s worked so hard for. Michael Caine (as great as ever) is Graham, a man who used to be known as Merlin to his wife because he could just wave his finger and things would happen for him. He’s older now, though, and living in a young man’s world. The dog-eat-dog mentality of 80’s corporate culture catches up with him, and he loses the promotion everyone knows he deserves to a younger, more conniving executive trying to make a name for himself. Meanwhile at home he’s living in a loveless marriage (his wife is much more worried about his not getting a raise than she is his feelings about getting passed over) in a house that blows a fuse every time his wife decides to use her Stairmaster. 
 
Graham isn’t one to just take and accept the fact that life is crapping all over him. This is a guy for whom everything used to come naturally to. It’s time Merlin broke out some “black” magic. A shock that he gets fixing the fuse box in the basement gives him an idea about how to deal with his wife. After that getting the girl of his dreams and the job he feels he rightfully deserves are only small obstacles for him to overcome. A little thing like murder never hurt anyone…
 
There are a lot of similarities here in theme to Woody Allen’s Crimes and Misdemeanors, except that I’d have to say that Graham feels a lot less remorse about what he’s done in this film than Martin Landau did in Allen’s film. In both films, once the main character has discovered that they could get away with murder without the cops arresting them or God striking them down with a bolt of lightning, he feels a sense of relief and exhilaration instead of a dooming guilt found in most other films of this sort. Graham just takes things a step further. The genius of the film is that Graham does some horrible things and yet does them in a way that leaves things rather ambiguous as to whether or not we should be cheering or condemning him. This is Michael Caine in full on charming Michael Caine mode. The film is really well crafted and quite funny. I really liked this movie, and recommend that you pick it up.
 
(MUST SEE)
 
(October 29)
 
——Masters of Horror: Pick Me Up (2005)——
 
Larry Cohen’s contribution to the Masters of Horror series is, unfortunately, a very bland missed opportunity. The concept is actually pretty cool: A serial killer hitchhiker who kills anyone who is dumb enough to pick him up meets a serial killer truck driver who kills anyone dumb enough to get into his cab. A girl, forced to hitchhike after her bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere, is caught in between. A great set-up, and the three leads aren’t that bad either. What hurts the movie is everything else. Larry Cohen’s direction feels lifeless and workman-like. In the documentary it looks almost like he spent more time impersonating famous directors than he did actual direction. While the leads are pretty good, almost every other supporting actor is a horrible actor. And the script feels lazy and rushed, with a total cop-out ending. Yeah, it’s a surprise, but it is also extremely anti-climatic, destroying everything that the story built up and ripping from our hands a compelling resolution to the story. This is definitely one of the weaker additions to the series.
 
(MISS)

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November 2nd’s Morning Surprise

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I woke up and this is what I saw outside of my window. This was extremely surprising because the two days before Thursday were in the 60’s.  When I drove to Albany and into town I had my windows open and the AC on. The last thing I expected was an inch of snow on the ground.

I ran outside and snapped a bunch of pictures. Good thing, too, because by afternoon it was all gone.

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Damn internet

Posting may be a little sparatic lately, as the internet at my house has become as slow as the average American. You literally can’t do anything anymore. Until that gets fixed, don’t expect any big posts.

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GREATEST FORTUNE EVER!

You know how when you get a fortune cookie nowadays the messages inside are usually pretty lame? Either they are generic fortunes that could apply to just about anything or they are these cute little inspirational phrases that don’t really predict anything. You know what I’m talking about. Fortunes today are a joke.

Today, though…well, today I got something special with my pork fried rice. This is bar none, the greatest fortune cookie message I have ever received:

“Don’t kiss an elephant on the lips today.”

I know! What the hell, right? You know what I’m NOT doing today? Kissing any elephants on the lips. I don’t care if a real elephant actually does come walking down the street in Manchester this afternoon, I’m not kissing that damn elephant on the lips.

What I love is the ambiguity of the statement though. Why shouldn’t I kiss an elephant on the lips? What could possibly happen because of that? Also, is it OK to kiss an elephant on the forehead? Is it OK to kiss an elephant on the lips tomorrow? Now I really want to know what would happen if I kissed one on the lips today.

Like I said, greatest fortune ever.

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Stop Contradicting Yourself

After reading an article in Roger Ebert’s new collection of film criticism, Awake in the Dark, I was again reminded of an episode from the latest season of Wonder Showzen. The episode was entirely about Clarence, an extremely annoying puppet that asks average Joes their thoughts on various subjects, asking people what they thought about current television. Most people when asked what they thought was wrong with modern television would say the same thing: That they thought that television was too violent. Quite a few, ironically, would themselves get quite violent with Clarence for filming them for a television show.

You hear this all too often. People think that there is too much sex and violence in television. Ebert writes an essay on how people think that there is too much sex and violence in film. And yet, as Ebert also points out, people go to those movies with more sex and violence in droves. People want to censor others, but not themselves. This is OK for me, but others shouldn’t be able to see it. No one will go to see a G rated film, with the rare exception of a Disney cartoon. Even then, more and more you see kids’ movies pushed up to a PG or PG-13 rating in order to pull in a larger crowd. We don’t want sex and violence on our television, and yet for years the top rated show on television has been CSI, which gleefully advertises its Sin City status while giving us more details about sexual and violent crime than we ever knew previously.

I’m still constantly amazed at how widespread Unrated versions of films have become on DVD. The MPAA has become a rather arbitrary ratings establishment, cutting seemingly random things out of films so that they can say that they have done their job. People want to see this unrated films, but theater chains won’t play them, so we have to wait for the movie to come out on DVD to see what we really wanted to in the first place: The whole movie. The Unrated phenomena has become so profitable that the studios have re-released films with seemingly arbitrary additions to the film just to make an extra buck. Half of the time I have trouble figuring out where they added the new footage.

Finally, I was really shocked to learn the other week in a WalMart that they carry Unrated versions of gory horror films like Wolf Creek, Saw and Hostel, and yet they still refuse to carry a CD with a Parental Advisory sticker on it. I’m sorry, what? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want them to take away the Unrated DVDs. But still, you can buy a movie where a serial killer brutally tortures and murders teenage girls, or better yet, you can buy a video game where YOU can brutally kill someone over and over again, but you still can’t buy a CD with the F-word on it? Explain to me, where does that make any sense?

People say unanimously that they don’t want this stuff in their homes, and yet they keep buying it. The porn industry, for example, is one of the most profitable enterprises in the country. And yet almost no one will admit to having any of it. Who, exactly, is it that is buying billions of dollars of the stuff then?

Me, I’ll freely admit that I love sex and violence in films. The more of it in there the more likely I am to pick that film up. The only thing that these lists of controversial films accomplish is to give me ideas on what to see next, as I guess they do a lot of others. They just won’t admit it like I do.

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The Must List

I cannot stop listening to the new album from the Global Underground label, Sissy’s All Under. It is so killer. It sounds a lot like Portishead with a slight Nine Inch Nails influence, Goldfrapp’s first album without all of the Wagner/James Bond overtones. It’s moody and melodic, slow and reflective while still moving fast enough to have a groove. The lead singer’s voice is just beautiful and the beats fit it perfectly. Anyone looking for a great chill out album should be picking this up.

——

Wonder Showzen is a gleefully demented kids’ show that, as the pre-show warning tells us, is definitely NOT for kids. If you’ve never seen it before, it basically takes the premise of Seasame Street–puppets introduce different segments, including cartoons and interviews with other children, with the goal of entertaining as well as educating–and twists that formula to such a great degree that no one could watch this show without being horrified. It isn’t just offensive for the sake of being offensive though. It often points out our own weaknesses and insecurities in surprising ways. Season one was hilarious that way. But I finished up the newly released season two today and it takes that humor to an entirely different level.

I was blown away by one episode in particular, one that was so perfect in its biting satire that I couldn’t help but be impressed by the creativity and ingenuity that inspired it. That episode was entitled Knowledge. In it Chauncy, the over-sexed asshole Big Bird of the show, introduces a new friend to the world of Wonder Showzen, Middle America. Middle America is basically a puppet of all the Red States that says a lot of stupid, made-up words mixed with “Texas” and sounds like George W. The Wonder Showzen crew keeps him around because he talks like a moron and they feel superior to him.

I forget why they let him do this, but the crew of Wonder Showzen let Middle America take over the rest of the show and create the show he wants to see. That show is called Horse Apples, a Hee-Haw type show featuring some of the most amazingly racist, bigoted things to have ever been said on television. It’s basically a bunch of rednecks talking about lynching black folk, beating their wives and marrying their relations. But wait, there’s more. We go back to Wonder Showzen land, where the Beat Kids segment (basically it is little kids acting like reporters, saying incredibly offensive things to adults and getting them to go along with it) is about a real focus group where a panel is asked to watch a new show called–you guessed it–Horse Apples. Not realizing that they were marks in on a joke, the focus group actually thinks the show is pretty funny and gives it high marks.

This reminded me very much of the Borat article in the latest Time magazine, where they discuss the comedic merits of Sacha Cohen’s acting like a real reporter from a foreign country in order to get Americans to let their guard down and say all of the idiotic, insensitive and racist things they think, just bubbling under the surface of a politically correct America. This focus group saw nothing wrong with a show that made fun of Southerners and talked about stringing up Mexicans.

There is a bonus feature on the DVD that is also must see. Basically, the original focus group is brought back in to watch the episode of Wonder Showzen that not only included Horse Apples but also the footage of them watching Horse Apples and discussing it. I think the stunned silence that follows the viewing speaks volumes. They don’t say much about the episode, but one of them does admit that they “looked pretty stupid.”

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If you don’t have a dream, how will your dreams come true?

I always seem to surprise myself with how paranoid I am. 99% of the time I’m an extremely well rounded, happy-go-lucky individual, pleased with my life and glad to be alive. It’s that one percent of the time that worries me. While I love other people and enjoy my job serving the general public, groups of them over three people tend to give me a paralyzing social anxiety disorder. I feel tense, like I want to just climb up the wall and get away. If I’m not the enthusiastic center of attention I might as well not be there at all. The idea that someone might not like me fills me with a bottomless despair. And if I think I friend doesn’t like me? Forget about it. I go batshit crazy. I get depressed, irrational, angry. Paranoia creeps in like a starving street mutt. I have a tendency to over-think things, overanalyze them. Everything around me has a tactile sensation. The walls pulsate. Loud sounds really bother me. It’s like an ice pick in my brain.

And then I move on. I laugh and I’m fine. 99% of the time is back. Watch out for one percent. Long live 99%.

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The Monday Movie Review

More movie reviews, this time on a Monday!  Today we are catching up on a week I missed before I went to Seattle.  It’s not a heavy one so it’ll be pretty easy reading. 

(September 18)

——The Black Dahlia (2006)——

Josh Hartnett seems to be the go-to guy for modern noir lately, for some reason (see also: Sin City, Lucky Number Sleven). Which is perfectly fine with me. The guy seems made for the stuff. He fits in equally as well in this new Brian De Palma film about a real life murder case in Hollywood, where a girl got carved up, mouth slashed ear to ear like the Joker. Hartnett gets partnered up with Aaron Eckhart after the two of them have a boxing match before a big election to get the police more money. They become best friends, getting so close that Eckhart doesn’t even mind how close Hartnett is getting to his Lana Turner-type girlfriend, played by Scarlett Johansson. But then the Black Dahlia case comes around.

Eckhart goes off the deep end, getting too personally involved in the case, while meanwhile Hartnett’s cop digs deeper, leading him to a femme fatale, played by Hillary Swank. Things quickly escalate to a non-professional relationship, and before he knows it he’s too personally involved in the case as well. It’s all a murder mystery where seemingly meaningless puzzle pieces all seem to come together in the end.

De Palma handles the material skillfully, but without any of his usual flair. You could call it a pretty safe movie for him. I liked the movie, but at the same time I agree that it isn’t anything special. It’s got its flaws. I think it is worth a rental though.

(SEE)

(September 22)

——Jackass Number Two (2006)——

If you already don’t know if this movie is for you, then God bless you. You should know if idiots doing idiotic things for our pleasure is your bag or not by now. Some people are going to hate this movie. I mean, it is called Jackass for a reason. The fact that it is called Jackass “Number Two” instead of just Jackass 2, should give you some indication of the maturity level we are working on here.

That said, if you are really into seeing some really funny stupid-ass shit, this is the Casablanca of people making asses out of themselves for art. I was dying, watching this. I saw it with Ross on opening night with a crowd of rowdy high-schoolers. We had to have been the oldest people in the crowd. AKA, any other film and I would have torn my hair out. For once though, this was the ideal crowd to see the movie in. We all laughed and laughed and laughed. Man, I think I even missed half the things said, because everyone was laughing so loud. Not like it matters. Seeing someone get hit in the balls is its own reward. We all know that this movie will never win any awards. And yet it somehow manages to be genius. If you’ve ever laughed at a Jackass skit, see this movie.

(MUST SEE)

(September 23)

——Lucky Number Sleven (2006)——

[Note: This is an edited reprint of my theatrical review.]

A bit of fate led me towards seeing this instead of Thank You for Smoking, which I’m grateful for since I probably wouldn’t have seen Lucky Number Sleven otherwise, while I definitely would have, and did see Smoking. This is one of those movies that just surprised me by how effortlessly entertaining it was. Granted, the movie does lose a little bit of steam in its final act as it attempts to explain the first half of the story (most of which a careful viewer, like myself, has probably already guessed). But that didn’t stop me from really getting into this clever, fun modern noir. [Seeing the film the second time, it was a lot more fun to be in on the set-up and get all of the little clues they left for you.]

Josh Hartnett is Sleven, a guy with a condition that allows him to feel no anxiety, who happens to get mistaken numerous times for someone he isn’t. In the meantime he gets caught in a gang war between two old mobsters who used to be friends but now want to kill each other. He’s supposed to kill the Rabbi’s son for the Boss, who he supposedly owes a lot of money to, while also getting a bunch of money for the Rabbi, whom he also supposedly owes money to. He doesn’t have any of their money. Nor is he actually the guy that owes all of this money. Meanwhile, Bruce Willis plays a hitman, lurking in the shadows, who has definitely has something to do with all of this.

Now you better not get bogged down in plot, because if you do you’ll probably be disappointed by it’s “so-clever-it’s-too-clever-by-half” as Owen Gleiberman put it, storyline. Instead you should dig into the character work done by the main actors, all of whom chew the scenery like pros. I loved Hartnett’s spontaneous relationship with the literal girl next door, Lucy Lu, something that I was dreading going into the film but actually delivers with some of the best on-screen chemistry I’ve seen between two actors in quite some time. Their lines really pop between each other and Lu is just fantastic. It’s not quite must see, but I really do think you all should see it. This is one of those looked over comfort food genre gems.

(SEE)

——Lonesome Jim (2006)——

Jim (Casey Affleck) is very depressed. He grew up in a small town in the middle of nowhere and so he spent a lot of time reading. All of his favorite writers just happened to kill themselves. Like I said, happy guy. At 30 with nothing really to show for his life, he moves back home from NYC to live with his parents and equally messed up brother after running out of money and having nowhere else to go. Life is pointless to him at this point. And then he meets a sexy little nurse/single mom, played by Liv Tyler.

For whatever reason she takes a liking to mopey Jim, and the two of them start up an unconventional romance. Meanwhile, his depression indirectly causes his brother (Ed’s Kevin Corrigan) to try and kill himself, while his loser uncle ships drugs through his sweet mother’s snack business, putting her into trouble with the authorities. While the subject manner is unusually depressing, director Steve Buscemi brings just the right amount of humor and levity to the picture, making it unusually funny and uplifting without being sappy or cliché. I really enjoyed this. It has a real authenticity to back up its more wacky situations. Even though you know it would never happen that way, you buy into it anyway. Any movie that can do that is A-OK in my book.

(MUST SEE)

(September 24)

——Kill Zone (2005)——

This is the first release from Dragon Dynasty, a company created by the Weinstein brothers and Quentin Tarantino, which is supposed to have the largest collection of kick ass Asian films out there. I’m excited to see what they come out with. Unfortunately, Kill Zone wasn’t exactly a stellar start to the series. Now if you are a fan of Hong Kong cinema you’ll notice a very overused plot thread in this movie. A mob boss (Sammo Hung) gets away with everything. The cops can’t find any hard evidence to lock him away, even though they know what he does. So the cops go bad to try and take him out. On top of that our lead cop has adopted a little girl he’s sworn to protect after her parents were killed for trying to testify against the mobsters. Unfortunately, he has a brain tumor, so he only has a limited amount of time to get his arch-enemy before he dies.

A new guy (Donnie Yen) is set to take over his police task force. He’s good and virtuous and appropriately shut out from what the other guys are doing. They go down a dark road, though, and Hung’s crazy mob boss takes that opportunity to have them all killed. Only the new guy can redeem their actions in the end.

Most of the film is pretty unspectacular. It’s only at the end, when Yen goes after Hung when things finally get interesting. There are some really good fights between the two of them (who knew Sammo Hung was still so fast?) that makes the movie worth watching for fight nuts. Everyone else, eh, not so much…

(MISS)

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