Hot News Crush

Andy Rooney talked tonight about how 60 Minutes would really like get a younger audience for the show. Aside from somehow making Andy Rooney look less ancient, he suggested putting a Parental Discretion Advised warning on before the show, because as we all know, it usually attracts kids instead of deterring them from watching like it is supposed to.

My suggestion? Lots more of Lara Logan. She’s hot, she’s British, and oh yeah, she’s smoking hot. I’ve never cared more about what’s happening in Iraq. She makes learning fun. Like if Big Bird were a hot, British journalist.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

It’s like Deja Vu all over again.

Last night I got pulled over for speeding. Again. I should have known better. I was getting a little cocky. It seems like I get a ticket every year or so, just to keep me honest. Hey, if I have to pay a speeding tax of $83 every year, I think it’s worth it.

Funny thing is, when you are caught speeding, going 71 in a 55 on a road where you normally drive 80, you don’t really feel like you were speeding. It’s almost a tad bit insulting. I was driving a little slower because I knew the cops were out. And yet I get pulled over anyway. What’s the dealio, copper?

Fun fact: Every time I get caught speeding, I’m speeding again within 10 seconds after getting my ticket/warning. Basically, just about as long as it takes to get out of range of that radar gun. You can tell that the lesson is really sinking in.

It happened on the cursed Bennington Bypass. I swear that road was built on an Indian burial ground.

The trick to being aces with the Po-po is to just tell the truth. The cop (who seemed like a nice guy) asked me if I had any points on the license in New York or Vermont (I was caught in VT). Not exactly sure how to answer this question without laughing, I paused before mumbling, “I think so” and “In Vermont.” The police officer went back to his car and took what seemed like forever to do whatever he does back there. He came back and informed me that he couldn’t find anything in the system for me. Again, I stifled the urge to laugh in his face and shout: “OH YEAH?!”

Instead I just nodded my head and said, “Hmm…well that must have been more than two years ago.”

Yeah, right.

Anyway, as a first offense type thingy he took five miles off, lowering my fine considerably. They always do that. That would be the only way that I’m super lucky. He then told me about how points went away after two years, as a kind of “Thanks for learning your lesson” reward. I neglected to mention the fact that I planned on speeding away just as soon as he stopped looking at me.

I must be mad, because I found the whole thing very funny. The only thing not funny? Those flashing lights on top of the cop car. Those things made me wicked dizzy. They’re like crazy strobe lights.

The best part about the whole thing? I still got home before I said I would. How’s that for speeding?!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

All Hail the Thanksgiving Television!

OK, first things first: Does anyone have any idea who did the song that played at the end of Grey’s Anatomy tonight? I’m guessing it was called “A Brand New Day” with all the strings and the female vocals and the techno blippy stuff. That was a really frakin’ cool song. I wants it. Nows.

Now with that said, tonight was one of the greatest nights of TV ever. Man, that was some good stuff. I feel full, not from Thanksgiving dinner, but from the fantastic television offerings. First up was Survivor, which although this season got off to a rocky start it has quickly become mega-awesome in no time flat. Tonight’s vote was the most suspenseful one I’ve ever seen. You’ve got to give it to Jonathan for not showing any of his cards before or during tribal council. That guy surprised everyone, no one more than Nate, of course, which led to one of the best final messages ever, where he basically just repeatedly called Jonathan a bastard. Over and over and over. The preview for next week looks just as promising, with Jonathan’s old/new tribe wondering what the hell happened while he makes a very public showing of where his true allegiance now is.

But back to this episode. You’ve got Yul showing how smart and geeky he really is, first with his strategy for finally revealing to select players that he has the immunity idol to save his tribe after the merge, then in how he approached the topic of flipping with Jonathan (seriously, has anyone ever been more graceful trying to flip someone else before?), and then very cutely going into a detailed scientific discussion of why the women have an unfair advantage in the immunity challenge because of the surface area of their feet (pulling it all together with a funny elephant running up a tree comment). You’ve got Candice and Adam getting way too close together (that’ll definitely bite them in the ass) and Adam trying to have his cake and eat it too by grabbing Pavarti’s ass. Finally you have Jonathan desperately trying to make his tribe just consider the fact that Yul might have the immunity idol without telling them that he does for a fact know that Yul does have it. They’re reasoning? He was only there one day. No way in hell he could have found it. This is after they decide to vote Yul off because they think he is so much smarter than everyone else. And he is. Did he need more than one day to find it? It looked like he didn’t need more than fifteen minutes. They deserve to get picked off one by one. They’re stupid. So frakin’ stupid.

Next you have Grey’s Anatomy. How is it possible that this show continues to get better and better as it goes along? This was better than the Super Bowl episode, better than the episode where Denny dies. In my mind this was probably the first perfect Grey’s episode ever. The writing was sharp, understated and right to the point. Nothing was played bigger than it needed to be. The music was even more subtle and dynamic than ever. The acting was dead on. Everything was dead on. And everyone had something to do without it feeling like the writers were trying to give them something to do. I could gush and gush and go on forever. But what I really want to know right now is who did that song that played at the end of the episode???

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Who’s that Band?

Does anyone know who does that song in the Zune commercial, the one that…damn, I forgot the exact lyrics, but it has something to do with Saturday night, but really liking Sunday morning, and the commercial ends with a whole crowd at a concert dancing together and has a female drummer smacking her drumsticks together over her head? Any help in acquiring the name of the band would be extremely appriciated. I could probably find it myself, but the speed of my internet at home means that attempting such a task would more than likely lead to madness. Hysterical blindness, at least.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY, or TOFURKEY DAY, as the case may be…

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

The Monday Movie Review

It’s not much, but it is something, so in the spirit of the holiday let’s all be thankful:

 

(November 6)

——Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)——

Borat easily stands up as the funniest movie of the year, a sort of Jackass movie where the real Jackass isn’t the guy rolling around naked in a conference hall with a fat hairy guy (also naked), but the average American. Sacha Baron Cohen has created a genius character, a lovable, if extremely misguided Kazakhstani journalist in America to make a film about what makes America so great, so that he can take it back to his own country to teach them how to be just like us. It’s a fictional set-up with a documentary-like twist: Cohen uses real people as the other characters in his film, not at all in on the joke. So what we really have is a film that tells us a lot about who we really are in this post-9/11 George W. America. People are surprisingly eager to let it be known how much they hate Jews, homosexuals and foreigners.

If that were all the movie were about, though, it wouldn’t be as good as it is. Borat’s innocence makes some extremely offensive jokes amazingly funny, even if you do have to groan at the same time. When Borat tries unsuccessfully to buy a gun to protect himself against the Jews (not unsuccessful because he wants to kill Jews, but because he isn’t a US citizen), he buys a bear to protect himself instead. That’s what makes the film work. Very often it is a satire, but it also works as a straight out comedy at the same time. Watching a group of kids run up to their ice cream truck only to find a bear in the back is classic comedy.

Not everyone is going to like this movie. It is very offensive. It can be painful to watch at times. It has a big fat hairy naked guy (remember him?). But if you can get past all of that, you’ve got a hell of a treat in store for you.

(MUST SEE)

(November 10)

——A Good Year (2006)——

This is a classic example of cinematic comfort food. You feel good watching it, but there is absolutely no substance to it, so you forget the film almost instantly after leaving the theater. I love Russell Crowe, and he’s good in this, but he’s not the character, at least not enough to make this film something better. He plays a stockbroker, a real prick in need of a life of some substance. He spent summers as a kid at his uncle’s vineyard in France, learning the joys in life, but somehow he forgot all of those things once the greedy bugger in him took over. When his uncle dies, he has to go to France to sell the place, but of course gets stuck there and starts to remember what he loved about it in the first place. Pretty standard stuff, really.

The script is…eh. It’s functional, but it doesn’t really go anywhere. No zingy dialogue, no great buildups of tension. The film feels like going on vacation to the vineyard of the film. Yeah, it’s beautiful, but after you leave you realize that you didn’t really do anything while you were there. You saw some pretty sights, but did you get anything out of the experience other than that? Not really. This is a minor Ridley Scott film.

(MISS)

——Cars (2006)——

Ca-chi-GA! Ca-chi-GA! That’s become the new rally cry at work. (If you’ve seen the movie, you know what I’m talking about.) We started using Cars as our First Wow demo in the store, and let’s just say that I’ve seen the end of this movie more times than I care to count. Which was why I decided to watch this DVD with my folks so soon after the film came out on DVD, so that I could see it one more time untainted before watching it looped a billion times made me resent it.

I really love this movie. As I mentioned in my previous review after seeing it in the theaters, the trailers for this didn’t make it look great. A lot of people thought that Pixar had finally lost it. But the movie turned out to be an instant classic. I haven’t talked to anyone yet who doesn’t just like it, but loves it. It’s super funny, amazingly beautiful, and filled with enough hidden in-jokes to keep you laughing after multiple viewings. You’ll want to have a big screen, hi-def TV after watching it just to take in all of the stunning details. I instantly want to drive Route 66 every time I see it. Pixar made another winner and if you haven’t seen this yet, what the heck are you waiting for?

(MUST SEE)

——Our Man Flint (1965)——

Made at the height of Bond mania, Our Man Flint is both an homage and a spoof of 007 at the same time. At times the film is played completely straight (or at least as straight as a James Bond movie can be), but it is hard to take it seriously because Flint himself is so over the top. Flint knows everything (he can look at some chemical compounds and know that they come from a dish only served in a certain part of France), can do anything (including karate, which the gangly James Coburn makes look hilarious in practice), doesn’t need gadgets (except for his lighter with 82 different functions), and has FOUR girlfriends (by the end of the movie, make that five). He’s like Bond on steroids.

A criminal organization has developed a device that can alter the world’s weather, effectively hurrying up global warming, and they are holding the world at ransom. All of the government’s computers point out that Derek Flint is the best man for the job of thwarting them, but Lee J. Cobb doesn’t want him because he is impossible to manage. But as he’s the only man who can possibly do the job, our man Flint is in. The midsection of the film lands a little flat, as it is just like a standard Bond film without quite as much Bond-ness. But it kicks into high gear again at the end when Flint emerges on the secret volcano layer/pleasure island. You can see why Austin Powers loves these films. The henchmen wear the same outfits, die the same senseless deaths and look just as stupid. The island is the epitome of 60’s cool. Like I said, it’s straight out of a Bond movie.

What makes it worth watching though, is when Flint finally meets the scientists that lead this criminal organization. They actually don’t seem that bad. They are pretty mild mannered and are just holding the world ransom so that all the major superpowers will destroy their weapons so we can all live in peace. The only thing even remotely bad about them is that they take uncooperative women and hypnotize them into being willing sex slaves to keep the henchmen worker drones happy. I’m not sure Flint would have even minded that, except for the fact that they had hypnotized his four/five girlfriends too. What’s great is when Flint starts destroying the island lair and the scientist plead with him to join them. “We’re just trying to get peace in the world! Why won’t you join us?” Flint’s response is that “It’s not my kind of peace!” Even though it was a pretty good idea, because it wasn’t Flint’s idea he isn’t going for it. There really isn’t an ethical debate in his mind, at least none that I could see.

If you like these kinds of movie (aka, classic James Bond movies or at least movies that would make Austin Powers giddy) check out Our Man Flint.

(SEE)

(November 11)

——Winchester ’73 (1950)——

I’m really digging the Anthony Mann directed, James Stewart Westerns. This is the third one I’ve gotten to so far, and by far my favorite. It’s gritty, raw and filled with tension. With Anthony Mann Westerns you tend to forget all about those lame images of Westerns you had in your head, where the good guy always wore a white hat. In his Westerns the lines are always blurred.

Lin McAdam (Stewart) is a hotshot rifleman who enters a shooting contest to win a one-of-a-kind Winchester rifle, trying to smoke out another expert rifleman who also just happened to kill his pa. The two are the finalists in the contest, but Stewart wins by shooting a stamp out of a small ring thrown in the air. He takes the rifle, but does keep it for long before the man he’s looking for jumps him and takes the rifle. The movie follows the rifle as it changes owner, from our film’s bad guy to a gun dealer, to an Indian chief who kills him for the gun and a settler who’s trying to make a good life for himself, but can’t seem to shake off unsavory characters. The gun finally finds itself circling back to our main characters and their final showdown, where it is revealed (SPOILER ALERT) that the man Stewart is looking to kill is really his brother.

The black and white cinematography does an excellent job of accentuating the darker undertones of the story, and all of the actors do a fantastic job with their roles. This is a true classic, must see for anyone wanting to see all of the great Westerns.

(MUST SEE)

——Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)——

Breakfast at Tiffany’s was my introduction to the stunning beauty that is Audrey Hepburn, way back senior year of college, and if you are going to start somewhere, this is as good a place as any. I think most people remember her for this movie, which makes sense because it’s a quirky, unique film that rises above other similar films of this period. There is a lot of hidden subtext that really isn’t all that hidden (although I have to admit that I didn’t remember a lot of it from the first time around). Wrapped in the disguise of a traditional romantic dramedy is a rich story (lifted from Truman Capote’s novel) about a call girl (Who pays a girl $50 to go to the powder room?) who lacks the security of a real identity or a real feeling of having a place to call her own. She’s just like her alley cat, named Cat, wandering from one gutter to another looking for something she’ll never find in the gutter. A gigolo/writer moves in upstairs, falls in love with her unique attitude towards life, and tries to show her that she can have real love. She doesn’t need to land a rich millionaire to attain happiness in this world. All she needs is someone who really loves her for her.

The overall story is pretty heavy stuff, so it’s good that the movie is also packed with so much comedy. Holly Golightly lives in a whirlwind world of constant parties filled with bizarre bohemian New Yorkers and their various hanger-ons, and Audrey Hepburn makes you love this quirky character who just takes everyone and every situation as it comes along. It’s fun stuff, definitely something you should see if you haven’t already.

(MUST SEE)

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

TV Watch

Was everyone as disappointed with last night’s Heroes as I was? I mean, it actually wasn’t that bad an episode overall, but what the hell happened with the whole, “Save the Cheerleader, Save the World” thing? That was about as anti-climatic as they come. I mean, who didn’t figure out that Peter wasn’t going to die because he was going to absorb Claire’s powers? And how come he didn’t absorb Sylar’s powers? A little fight between the two of them before they just fell off the roof would have been a lot cooler. Instead, Sylar throws locker doors at Peter and he…runs away. And where the hell is Hiro? Why didn’t we find that out this week?

Gilmore Girls is hitting some all time lows this season. I can’t remember one thing I laughed at tonight. Probably because I didn’t laugh. I hate Christopher and I think his new bride, the former Ms. Gilmore, is an idiot for marrying him. At least Luke knows now. Although we didn’t get to see the punch last week’s previews promised us. That would have redeemed the whole episode. Unfortunately, that never happened. Not yet, anyway. There is always hope for next week. And could I care about Rory’s life any less now? Hello???

Veronica Mars fortunately took an upswing this week. I’ll admit it: My favorite girl was getting a little dull. Then Entertainment Weekly gave this week’s episode a D. A D! It would have to suck for them to give Veronica Mars a D. What the hell episode were they watching, I wonder? Tonight’s ep had more than enough witty banter and interplay between Papa Mars and Lil’ Mars to make this a fun romp. And bring Dick Casablancas back any time. Whenever he has witty banter with Veronica it counts as a classic Veronica Mars moment. The show still isn’t as good as it was the last two seasons (What’s with the LoVe lately?), but it’s getting better again. Question though: Where the hell is Mac? Yet another episode she didn’t appear in, despite being in the openning credits every week. I laughed out loud when she finally made an appearance in the preview for next week and her line was: “Where’s Veronica?” Uh, shouldn’t that be Veronica saying, “Where’s Mac?” I mean, she’s been on the longest funeral trip EVER.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Slacker

I am a lazy slacker. This I know. I’m way behind with the Monday Movie Review. Yes, I know. I could be writing it right now. Do I? We’ll see. Would I rather be reading the new TPB of Ex Machina or Fables? Oh, hell yes.

PS: The new Bond movie, Casino Royale, kicks some royale ass. I haven’t been this excited about a Bond movie since I saw my first Bond movie, Goldeneye, in the theater for my mom’s birthday back in 1995.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dwight and Michael really know how to bring Sexy Back

I can’t stop watching that video I put up Thursday. I watch it like, two, three times a day. It’s so funny. What’s worse is that when I first heard that Justin Timberlake song, I was watching music video for it and I HATED the song. Now I can’t get enough of it. Probably because I can’t hear the song without seeing my favorite corporate drones in my head, dancing.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Ugh

This morning, after I’ve finished breakfast but before I’m just about to step into the shower, the power goes out. Come on! Not only can I not shower before the busiest work day of the week, but it is also my big clean shave day. Now I’m reduced to washing my face in the sink, which has the leakiest drain in the universe. Quick shave, a little hair gel to make it look like I didn’t just sleep on my head, and off I go to work.

On top of that, something is definitely wrong with my external harddrive. I’m not sure if it is from the power surges from Thursday (which it shouldn’t be, since it’s plugged into the best surge guard out there) or from viruses in my system (definitely a possibility). Not cool man, not cool.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

TV Watch

OK, so let’s recap tonight’s super-sized The Office. Karen: 1, Pam: 0.

Let me back track a minute here. Oh my crap, did Jim just say he was “involved” with someone??? When did that frakin’ happen? Way to go, Jim! Karen will be good for him.

Yes, I know, everyone loves Pam. We all want to see the two of them together. Yadda, yadda, yadda. But she shot the poor guy down twice in one night! Not cool. And with Karen being, like, bizarro Pam, it all seems to be coming up roses for our man Jim.

Speaking of bizarro, how awesome was tonight’s mixing of the two offices? The Andy/Dwight confrontation was by far the best. What happens when you put two idiot ass kissers in the same room together? You get Andy singing the Roxbury guys’ song because Michael’s tape deck won’t work. And how brilliant was the Andy/Dwight smackdown in the elevator? Tonight’s The Office went beyond my wildest expectations for how good this show could be.

Which brings me to my next topic: Is Thursday now the all-time greatest night of television, or what? I’ll always love Survivor, and finally that show is getting more and more interesting with all the new twists throwing wrenches in the gears. Grey’s Anatomy was fan-frakin’-tastic tonight, as usual. How about Izzy and Alex talking in the third person? Priceless. And George has so many great storylines floating around him that it boggles the mind. Even Meredith doesn’t seem annoying anymore. And can we say: Return of the Nazi!

My Name is Earl is back on track, after a few misguided episodes starting off the season. And finally we have the biggest surprise: The O.C. is better than it has ever been. I’m serious. Best season ever, right here. The writing is dead on, funny, but not afraid to have some appropriate real life drama thrown in.

And finally, the biggest TV romance of the year, much more dramatic than even Karen/Jim, is the new blossoming Taylor/Ryan story arc. While Taylor was really annoying when she was first introduced last season, can I now say that she is by far my favorite character on the show? The look on her face after Ryan kissed her? Priceless. Is she adorable, or what? I’m thinking new TV crush, right here.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment