C'est Non Un Blog

You know how you know you are a sick man? Most people drive by inspirational message signs and feel inspired. Like this sign:

“God wraps his gifts in persons.”

Aww…right? Love your neighbor and all that crap?

Nope, me, I read that and the first thought out of my mind was: “That’s right, folks! The next time you see a person on the street rip off his skin as fast as possible because God left you a present inside!”

I also took too much glee in the bumper sticker that said “My Boston terrier is smarter than your honor student.”

Not because I’m a dog lover. No, because I hate people that brag about their honor students by defacing their cars.

My computer always updates itself for Daylight Savings Time, but this morning? Not so much.

…does anyone know how to shop for an apartment without first seeing it? Because I’m not really coming up with many good ideas to solve my housing situation. You don’t just get something without first seeing it, am I right?

Today at work Amanda said that she was sad that I was leaving because she was going to try and set me up with a friend of hers, someone we both knew from high school. Knowing her I was like, “Really? Why’s that?” fishing for whatever similarities we might have in common.

She wrinkled her nose and said, “Well, you’re both really nice…” and trailed off, I assume because that was all she had.

When all is said and done, I guess there are worse reasons to be set up with someone and even worse things people could think of you.

Amazingly, I managed to only spend $172 on Amazon in the month of February. How the hell I did that, I’ll never know, but I’m extremely proud of myself. I might be able to survive in Seattle after all!

Speaking of which…

First order of business when moving? Buying a 42″ LCD television. Because life isn’t worth living without a giant TV.

There is something amazingly annoying about how my computer, while ripping new CDs into iTunes, randomly decides that every few CDs or so it just isn’t going to copy this one. Nope, I’m done for now. No more new music for you. We’re all full up here. This one’s shit and you don’t want it disgracing your iPod anyway. I won’t be a party to it.

Stupid fucking spyware.

The worst part is that it is usually the CD I MOST want on my iPod. But it just won’t read the damn CD. I have to wait for my sister to come home before I can rip it onto her computer and then transfer it onto mine, via my external harddrive. I really need to wipe my harddrive and start from scratch, but that scares me, so for now I’m just going to deal with these minor annoyances. What am I going to do in Seattle, though?

Speaking of which, I should probably, ya know, tell you about that. My last day at work in Manchester is March 25, and my first day of work in Seattle is April 2. Somewhere in that week I have to get myself to Seattle, find a place to live, and learn how to survive without spear-fishing a local and cooking him up on a spit made from broken pallets in a dirty back alley. You’d think this would send me into a major tailspin of preparation, but then if you thought that you’d be pretty stupid because you obviously don’t know me too well. So far I have decided that Yes, I am going to drive my car out West and Yes, I am going to live in a shelter of some sort. Something that protects me from the elements or something like that. I think. I hear they get a lot of rain in Seattle.

I’m currently taking applications from anyone who wants to drive across the barren wasteland that is Middle America with me. Doesn’t that sound fun?! Get those requests in quick, because I have to decide soon if I’m going to do this by myself or ask my dad to do it with me.

We can play a fun game now: Person who guesses the closest without going over how much it is going to cost just to ship my DVD collection to Seattle wins a prize!

I came to a sad realization the other day that for me the most stressful part of the move at this point was making sure that I didn’t miss any of my favorite shows. Yeah, because that is what should really be worrying me: What’s going to happen on Lost this week??! Not, you know, where I’m going to live, or anything silly like that.

[By the way, if you know where I’m going to live, could you let me know? Thanks!!!]

Pre-shower: Hugh Jackman Wolverine

Post-Shower: Superman S-curl