You know how you know you are a sick man? Most people drive by inspirational message signs and feel inspired. Like this sign:

“God wraps his gifts in persons.”

Aww…right? Love your neighbor and all that crap?

Nope, me, I read that and the first thought out of my mind was: “That’s right, folks! The next time you see a person on the street rip off his skin as fast as possible because God left you a present inside!”

I also took too much glee in the bumper sticker that said “My Boston terrier is smarter than your honor student.”

Not because I’m a dog lover. No, because I hate people that brag about their honor students by defacing their cars.