Alright, so if you are driving from Troy through Petersburg you will see the following saying on the sign out in front of the church on Route 7:

“God is like All State–You’re in good hands with Him.”

Pretty normal right? Yeah, I thought so too. If, however, you are driving towards Troy instead, you will see probably the greatest church sign there ever was. Enjoy:

“God is like Alka Seltzer–Try Him, You’ll like Him.”

Wha-wha-what? First of all, you are comparing our lord almighty to a fizzy tablet that stops heartburn? Seriously, Alka Seltzer? That’s the best you could come up with? And then, of course there is the second half of the statement. I can’t think of a single person I know who likes Alka Seltzer. Who likes Alka Seltzer?

This has to single-handedly be the worst analogy I have ever seen. Which just happens to also make it the greatest sign in front of a church that I have ever seen. Score!