(June 12)

——Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks (1975)——

Despite her head exploding in the last film, Ilsa was such a popular character that she somehow made her way to the employ of an oil rich Arab for this sequel. As you probably already figured out from the clever title, this time Ilsa commands over a harem for a rich sheik, making sure the Sheiks girls are groomed to perfection for him, both in appearance and manner. She also dispenses in the desert justice those men that dare make a bold move. Beyond that this is very much like the first film, only with the location change. You still get to see frequently naked large breasted women tortured. The new girls introduced at the beginning of the film, seemingly as the main characters, almost instantly play no major role in the film. Ilsa again has two frequently naked henchwomen under her control, this time in black twin sisters who enjoy a good round of oiled up, naked kung fu. And, of course, the hero of the film is a virile American man, this time a spy, who uses all that God-given American sexiness to turn Ilsa against the Sheik.

It’s not terribly original, but the style and just the insane absurdity of it all saves it from just being trash. If you like this kind of movie, or if you enjoyed the first Ilsa movie, you’ll love this one too.

(SEE)

——The Proposition (2006)——

Western fans, here is the grim and gritty Australian western that you’ve all been waiting for. Wait, what? Yes, I said Australian, but don’t worry, it still works. The foreign-ness of the location only benefits the storytelling, giving it an otherworldly vibe than enhances the tone. Guy Pierce is the main character who is given a proposition when captured by the police with his younger brother in a shoot-out. He and his younger brother can go free if he tracks down and kills his older brother. If he doesn’t do so by Christmas, the younger brother hangs. Pierce’s story is paralleled by that of the sheriff’s, who makes the proposition. He and his wife live on a ranch outside of the town, trying to live proper lives bringing a little civilization to an uncivilized land (Australia was started as a penal colony, remember). The two of them struggle at balancing the feelings of the others around them that are much rougher around the edges and much more accustomed to a frontier justice that the sheriff wants to be rid of. Pierce faces that frontier justice head on, and has to make a decision within himself on how he is going to live, now that he’s found his brother.

It has all of the makings of a classic western. If you like westerns, then this is one you’ll want to see.

(SEE)

——Storytelling (2001)——

I was a little disappointed with this Todd Solondz movie. It doesn’t really seem to go anywhere or mean anything. It’s really two films in one. The first, Fiction, is about a girl in a short fiction class who is dating a boy with CP. He flips out on her when she doesn’t defend him when his story is called shit in class (because it is). She goes off and fucks her very black teacher, and then writes a story about it. That’s it. The second, Nonfiction, is about a documentary filmmaker who wants to make a movie about the current life in high school, trying to get into college, and he follows one boy named Scooby who doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. That story pretty much goes nowhere too. There are traces of Solondz’s wit in there, but not enough to justify watching this movie. It’ll just make you angry. Like the two stories being told in the two stories of the movie, this feels underwritten and trite.

(MISS)

(June 13)

——Masters of Horror: Chocolate (2005)——

Mick Garris directed this episode of Masters of Horror. You’re probably saying what I said when I picked up this disk: Who the hell is Mick Garris? Well, aside from being the producer of Masters of Horror he was also the director of The Shining and The Stand. No, not the amazing movie, The Shining. That was Stanley Kubrick. The mini-series, starring that guy from Wings. No, not the guy from Sideways, the other guy.

As you can tell, I was really pumped to see this episode of Masters of Horror. [Insert sarcasm here.] So count me doubly surprised to find that I found this to be the best episode of the series yet. Chocolate is actually really good (I mean the movie, not the food, although I do love me some dark chocolate).

A man from Chicago, one of those guys that creates new flavors, is recently divorced and a tad bit depressed about life. That is until he starts experiencing tastes, sights, sounds, feelings, etc. etc. that are not his own. Soon he’s actually experiencing what someone else is experiencing, that being a French woman in Vancouver. He sees life through her eyes, experiencing things as if he were in her body. This gets a little awkward when his ex-wife and son bound into his apartment only to find a half-naked chick from a one night stand the night before trying to help him as he experiences being the French woman getting screwed by her boyfriend. He’s flopping around like a fish, everyone is disgusted with him, and yet he’s incredibly taken with these things that he is experiencing. But once he is with the French woman when she murders someone he makes his way to Vancouver to meet her.

The build-up of this movie is perfect, helping to make a weird situation believable. The writing is tight (probably because it was originally supposed to be a feature that was (smartly) whittled down to an hour) and the acting is extremely good from the lead, Henry Thomas. He really sells the concept 100%, which helps immensely with making the movie work. Of the four Masters of Horror episodes out now on DVD, this would the one I encourage you to pick up first.

(SEE)

——Cars (2006)——

I love this movie. Seriously, Pixar does it again. I was a little dubious. None of the trailers struck me as all that interesting. Really the only reason I really wanted to see it was because it was made by Pixar. And this movie shows you why they are such a reliable brand name now. There is nothing flashy about this movie. No big Shrek-like theatrics. Just good old fashion quality storytelling holding up some amazing visuals.

Owen Wilson is a brand new NASCAR racing machine, and he’s a star. He’s a star who is completely selfish and full of himself. But is he happy? You know the answer to that one. He accidentally gets lost in some forgotten city on Route 66, where he ruins the main drag and is sentenced to community service to clean up the mess he made. There he learns all of the important life lessons that you’d expect to get out of a Disney cartoon.

Wait, that doesn’t make you want to see the movie? Yeah, it probably wouldn’t me either. That’s where the Pixar clever wit and keen ear for storytelling comes in. Like The Incredibles, this Pixar cartoon is 2 hours long, real long for a cartoon. But like The Incredibles, it never feels long. The movie is constantly a joy to behold, whether it be how cool a waterfall or NASCAR race looks or all of the little touches, like the fact that the bugs are actually tiny little VW Bugs with wings. Stay through the credits. There is lots of fun stuff to enjoy, including clips of past Pixar movies done with all Cars. I love this movie. Like with Goldielocks, this one feels just right.

(MUST SEE)

——A Prairie Home Companion (2006)——

If you’ve ever listened to A Prairie Home Companion on NPR before or if you’ve ever seen a Robert Altman movie before, then you probably already know what you are getting into before you see this film. Altman’s overlapping dialogue fits in perfectly with Garrison Keller’s (sp?) radio show format. I’ve heard from a lot of people (including my own opinion) that it feels just like one of his shows. Which, hey, if you like either one of those then you’ll love this movie!

The film is about a fictional Prairie Home Companion, very much like the real one, except Guy Noir is a real person, being the show’s Private Investigator/security guard. It is the show’s very last performance, as a Big Nasty Texan has bought the station and plans to shut it down. Also, (SPOILER AHEAD) an angel just happens to be walking around backstage, there for the death of the show as well as the death of one of its members. Meryl Streep sings a song about her dead mother. Even Lindsey Lohan makes an appearance as the daughter of Streep obsessed with, you guessed it, death. What a morbid, depressing movie, you are now probably thinking. Actually, it isn’t, really. It’s more a celebration of life, looking back on how good things are when you just take the time to look at them. That angel died listening to A Prairie Home Companion, laughing at a joke that wasn’t really funny and then driving off of the road. Is she bitter about it? Seeking vengeance? Not really. She doesn’t mind because it was such a pleasant experience in her life.

Everything flows together so nicely, peacefully and effortlessly that you probably won’t notice how good the movie really is. Great acting just drives home how charming it all is, from the back stage antics down to the delightful little radio show they put on. You probably already know if you are going to see this though.

(SEE)

(June 15)

——Kelly’s Heroes (1970)——

Hey you. Do you like WWII action movies? Then boy, have I got one here for you. The director of the superb Where Eagles Dare takes Clint Eastwood back to the Nazis, this time leading a team of misfits on an unauthorized treck behind enemy lines to steal some stolen Nazi gold. Despite Donald Sutherland’s Oddball hippie character and a flower power song starting off the movie, and the overall comic tone, the film is actually quite authentic to the period. I just love WWII movies. Anything that can accurately recreate what that giant conflict might have been like gets a thumbs up from me, and Kelly’s Heroes doesn’t fail to deliver.

Kelly’s Heroes is action packed, funny, well-written movie with lots of great characters (and character actors). It’s not going to win any major awards, but if you are looking for a really entertaining war movie that’s not too bloody or disturbing, this is the one for you.

(SEE)

(June 16)

——Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970)——

Imagine Austin Powers and Josie and the Pussycats cramming an entire season of a soap opera into a movie less than two hours long, on drugs, and you get an idea of what this Russ Meyer directed masterpiece is all about. This is the tale of what happens when you let a true independent like Meyer go hog wild in the studio system. Kelly is the lead singer of the Carrie Nations, an all girl rock band that’s aching to make it big. Kelly has a rich long lost aunt in LA who takes her in and introduces her to weird, eccentric rich people, one of whom acts as promoter for their band and makes them a hit. Then follows the sex and drugs to go along with the rock and roll. Each girl deals with her own problems, usually in an extremely ridiculous fashion amped up with a truckload of melodrama.

This movie is really unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. The screenplay, inked by none other than film critic Roger Ebert, is filled with hilarious very quotable dialogue and insane situations. They throw everything and the kitchen sink into the mix. “This is my party and it freaks me out!” So says the host of the party, and the party sequence will definitely freak you out. Meyer doesn’t like to hold a shot too long, so way before MTV editing came into play he cuts his camera from one crazy scene to another, creating almost a cubist, drugged out feeling to the party. Despite being a tad bit disorienting at first the style does work, giving the picture a really unique feeling. Meyer also loves women with big breasts, so don’t look for any women in the movie with an A cup (two of the stars are actually Playboy centerfolds, shot by none other than Meyer). The music in the movie is excellent, the photography crisp and beautiful, and the plot just too bizarre to accurately describe. I don’t really know how better to describe this movie, other than to say that if you like cult cinema, or just crazy-good cinema, you should really check this out.

(MUST SEE)

(June 18)

——The Age of Innocence (1993)——

This is probably not the normal movie you expect to see from Martin Scorsese. Instead of the Gangs of New York, this is more the High Society of New York. And yet, it works. I don’t know why these period piece, stifled romance movies always work with me. They just do. It probably has something to do with the fact that a forbidden, unfulfilled love kept asunder by outside forces is a hundred times more interesting than any other kind.

Daniel Day-Lewis is a lawyer in the 1870’s, high in society, who has proposed to his love, played winsomely (and rather blandly) by Winona Ryder. Winona’s cousin (Michelle Pfeiffer) has come back to New York from Europe, avoiding a disastrous marriage at the same time. Daniel Day-Lewis remembers growing up with her and instantly becomes friends with her, helping her integrate with the not as forgiving member of society. It might start innocently enough, but before long you can tell that he is just smitten with her. And for good reason. Pfeiffer is smokin’ in the movie! But he’s engaged to her cousin. Oh, and she also happens to still be married. He thinks it is best for her (and him) if she gets a divorce, but consults with her against the decision as it would be all the catalyst that she needed for a scandal that would then shun her from high society. So they steal glances and moments, try to be together but avoid doing so because it hurts so much. All sorts of angst that we rarely have in our modern age. Good stuff.

The photography is luscious and beautiful, using lots of natural warm lighting to create the look of a painting on canvas. The acting is great. The voice over sounds a little too held over from the novel the film was based on, but after a little while it stops bothering you and really gets you into the period and tone of the piece. You realize that it helps bring out a lot of the subtext that would otherwise be missing to us. All and all, though, it is a very good film.

(SEE)