Another week, another Monday Movie Review. That’s right. Another one! How long will it last, people? No one knows. And that’s half the fun.

Before we dig into the reviews I’d like to say that I enthusiastically encourage anyone’s comments inspired by the Review. Disagree with a review/have another opinion/just want to chime in? Let me know. If there is a review you want me to expand upon, let me know that too. I have a lot of reviews to write and not a lot of time dedicated to doing so, so if you find something interesting or just want a more thorough opinion before seeing something, let me know. Finally, if you think of anything that might improve the Monday Movie Review, I’d like to know.

With that said, on with the show.

(January 9)

——Hostel (2006)——

Only sick fucks need apply for this one. The story concerns two Americans and an Icelander who are backpacking together through Europe, bouncing from hostel to hostel, looking for drugs, Rock n’ Roll, and fine European tail to shag before getting on with the rest of their lives. Burnt out from their travels, they hear from another hostel wanderer of this magical hostel in Slovakia where the beautiful women are plentiful and the orgies happen often. And at first it seems this story is correct. Unfortunately for them, it is all really a trap for an ex-Soviet bloc torture business. Gorgeous women get you to let down your guard, drug you, and then WHAM! Some crazy guy is cutting off your body parts.

If you don’t feel uncomfortable watching this movie then you have really been desensitized to movie violence. The gore is disturbing and unrelenting. What really impressed me about the film though was how it wrote itself out of the box I thought it had created for itself in the third act. While at times it drifts uncomfortably close to action movie cliché, I found this part of the movie to be the most gripping and impressive.

While the movie wasn’t perfect (unlike the extremely disturbing and well-made Cannibal Holocaust (1980), which I should really review for you people some day), it did its job, and did it well. I’m going to give it a

(SEE)

although anyone with a weak stomach should (AVOID).

——The Bad News Bears (1976)——

Last year I saw Richard Linklater’s loyal remake of this film, but this was the first time I actually sat down and watched the classic original. (It was six bucks. Who was I to argue?) While the remake is very good, it is so loyal to the original, without taking it to the next level of being better, that I ask, why bother? Every note in the original rings so true that you’ll immediately understand why every sports movie since about a team of misfits is referred to as a “Bad News Bears-like team”. Walter Matthau plays his role as the drunk, swearing, pool cleaning, washed-out ex-minor league ball player pitch perfectly. He’s not the only one though. It looks like director Michael Ritchie was smart enough to let the camera roll with his young stars long enough to let real and honest moments shine through. You start to wonder if these kids didn’t come from their own Bad News Bear-type team. Everything in this film just gels together so perfectly that this is definitely one of those originals (like The Italian Job (1969)) that you should treasure over the unneeded remake.

(MUST SEE)

——Syriana (2005)——

Maybe I’ve just been bombarded by too much liberal bullshit lately. I don’t know. I usually eat that shit up though. The issues of Syriana make you want to love it. Big Oil is tearing the world apart, changing global politics, sponsoring terrorism, sponsoring corporate greed, screwing us all over. Too bad the movie can’t live up to its own hype. The problem with Syriana is that it is just too damn complicated. Half of the time when characters are talking you don’t know what the hell it is that they are talking ABOUT. It’s like everyone is speaking in some sort of code and no one handed out the secret decoder ring. The other problem is that the movie starts out like it is going to uncover all of these big conspiracy theories, does uncover them, only to reveal an ever increasing batch of newer, wider reaching conspiracies. It’s all constantly evolving with no end in sight. It’s like the later seasons of the X-Files where it only got more confusing instead of answering more and more questions. You want to like Syriana. You really do. If you could make heads or tails of it, you probably would too. It’s not like it is a poorly made film. Quite the opposite. Which only makes it that much more frustrating to watch.

(MISS)

(January 10)

——Munich (2005)——

This tale of the Israeli reaction to the massacre of the hostages at the 1972 Munich Olympics is one of Spielberg’s most powerful and well-made films since Schindler’s List (1993). This is a film that dares to ask the big questions about retaliation and vengeance. How much is too much? Even if it is justified, does that make it right? By putting us right on the same level as the Israeli special operatives sent to kill 11 men responsible for the Munich disaster Spielberg asks us to see things through their eyes, to see exactly how you go about killing 11 men, warts and all. No matter your viewpoint on how right their actions are, actually watching it is hard. Spielberg uses Hitchcockian suspense to play with our emotions. We don’t want them to blow up the girl who mistakenly picks up the bomb phone her father is suppose to answer and yet we do, because we want to see what would happen to our heroes next. This job tears these men apart and the beauty of the film comes from watching that progression, from idealist to confused doubter. I dare you to find many more films that have come out recently that ask this much of the audience.

(MUST SEE)

(January 13)

——Wedding Crashers (2005)——

Some may lead you to believe that this was the funniest comedy of 2005. It wasn’t. One needs only to look to The 40-Year-Old Virgin for that honor. That said, this is one of the funniest comedies anywhere in a long time. Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn will prove to be one of the great film comic duos of all time. These two just play off of each other perfectly. You’ll be in stitches for the whole film.

That is if you watch the theatrical version of the film. Thankfully, the Uncorked version of the film contains both the “unrated” and theatrical versions of the film, so you can have both without having to buy two copies of the same film. I look at this new trend of “unrated” versions of hit films very dubiously. Every once and a while they actually add something real to the film. The unrated version of 40-Year-Old Virgin actually improves quite a bit on the original by adding a whole lot of new footage that seamlessly integrates with the film. Then there is the unrated version of Dukes of Hazzard, which adds a total of like 30 seconds of new footage, all of it boob shots cut to get a PG-13 rating. Not exactly a completely different version of the film, but hey, if you have to decide which version of the film to get, I hope that information helps.

Have you ever watched the deleted scenes on a DVD and said to yourself, “huh, that was nice, but I see why they cut that out of the final film”? Well, the eight or so deleted scenes added to the Uncorked edition are those scenes. They’re nice. A few are actually kind of funny. But they don’t really add anything to the final film and actually kind of slow it down. They don’t need to be there. And don’t let anyone lead you to believe that this is an “unrated” version of the film. All of that nudity at the beginning of the film: in the R-rated version. All the raunchy dialogue: in the R-rated version. If you watch the R-rated version, you ain’t missing out on anything. So skip the Uncorked version and just get right to the main course.

And what a main course it is! This movie is balls out funny. But where it really sticks to your ribs is in the movie’s “Heart”. Watching two womanizing idiots fall in love with two wonderful leading ladies (Rachel McAdams and Isla Fisher, both yummy) gives the film that extra “umph” that both makes you love it while you are watching it and also makes it hard to forget after it is done. Which is why this movie is a

(MUST SEE)

——The Producers (1968)——

Good, but not as good as I was hoping. You ever see a movie that everyone says is so good, but before you actually get to see it you learn a whole lot about what it is like? Then finally you actually see the movie and aren’t impressed, because unfortunately all of the good parts had been spoiled for you? That happened to me with Jaws, where I already knew what all the big scares were and what was left really didn’t impress me much. Same thing happened with me here, where the season finale of Curb Your Enthusiasm pretty much ruined any surprise the ending of this one had for me.

This is still a really funny film. The Springtime for Hitler musical number is a classic. Gene Wilder freaking out is fantasic. A lot of the show business gags, while dated to the time period, are still pretty funny. I just wasn’t as blown away as I could have been with this one. It just doesn’t rise to Blazing Saddles or Young Frankenstein caliber for me.

(SEE)

(January 14)

——Lethal Weapon (1987)——

I wanted to see Shane Black’s new film, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, in Williamstown, but as I got home from work I could see the rain was starting to change to snow and ice and in turn my commute to Images had become that much more dangerous. So I opted out of seeing it. Hopefully there is a review of that film soon to come. Instead I popped in the movie that made Shane Black–the screenwriter, which I hadn’t (surprisingly) ever seen before: Lethal Weapon.

Boy was I in for a treat, as is anyone else who hasn’t ever seen this before. While the structure of the film follows the same old buddy movie set-up, Shane Black takes his time introducing us to the characters, giving them backstories and fleshing out their personalities so that when the action movie cliches start a-coming they don’t feel like cliches. Instead we are treated to something more akin to a dramatic character study, abet with lots of shooting, punching, kicking, explosions, etc. etc.

You all know the story: Mel Gibson plays a cop who has recently lost his wife and has become suicidal over it, the only thing keeping him alive being his job. Danny Glover plays the man assigned to be his partner and keep him in check, but after his 50th birthday is too old for this shit. There is something about dead porn stars and heroin shipments in there too, but what really matters are the characters and how well they play off of each other. I’ll leave the rest of it to those of you who haven’t already seen this yet.

(MUST SEE)

(January 16)

——Reefer Madness (2004)——

Things I learned about that dastardly marijuana from Reefer Madness: The effects of the demon weed are a combination of the effects of the maniacal laughter of nitrous, the hallucinations of LSD, and you usually look like you are coming down off of heroin. Don’t confuse marijuana with heroin though, because the reefer is much, much more addictive. You also gain the super strength granted to users of PCP and you tend to hump furniture, like someone on Ecstasy. It’s so dangerous, in fact, that you will eventually turn into a flesh-eating zombie to get rid of those munchies cravings. You see, zombies really love the weed. I did not know that. And if you believe anything otherwise, well, you’re an FDR lovin’ communist.

This movie musical remake of the 1936 film is pretty darn hilarious, the best part being that whatever it is that these crazy kids are doing, it doesn’t even remotely resemble the effects of marijuana (not that I would know or anything). The dance numbers are just classic hallucinatory head trips. My favorite part of the movie has to be Kristen Bell though, who plays the dance crazy, virginal Mary Lane. She is just a pure delight to watch any time that she is on screen. After seeing this movie I am very tempted to go out and buy season one of Veronica Mars. And after seeing her after she puffs on the demon weed and has an S&M fueled fantasy sequence, well, let’s just say that I now have a brand new bedtime story to put me to sleep.

(SEE) (if high, MUST SEE)