Every week I say to myself, “Man, no way could next week’s The Office be funnier than tonight’s. This was the funniest episode EVER.”

And you know what? The next week. That’s right. Funnier.

Biggest fucking moron in the world came into today. Asked me a question I thought would take five minutes to help him with. I spent damn near 45 minutes with him. Finally he wants to buy something. As I walk up to the register he tells me that he doesn’t have his card with him, but that it is on file. I ask him if he has a Bose Card. He says yes.

I tell him I can get his card number if he just gives me his last name and social security number. I call up the 800 number for the credit service, type in the social. The phone starts ringing. The phone never rings unless the card has expired, and he says he was in the store only three months ago. I ask him if I read the numbers right. I had.

I start to talk to the woman on the other end of the line. She asks me for more and more information. It seems she can’t find him in the system. I tell her that’s impossible. Suddenly Mr. Forgetful tells me that he has a credit card imprint on file. He never got a Bose card. I apologize to the nice lady for wasting her time.

I go to open the drawer to the register that I am on, but you can’t open it if you already scanned product in. So I try the other register. There is nothing in there. So I cancel the transaction. Open the drawer. Look through all of the imprints. His name isn’t on any of them.

“Sir, did you buy anything the last time you were in here?”

He did. So the imprint is with the receipt and I’m back to square one. I sigh. I start to ask questions to find out when exactly he came in, so I can go downstairs and find the receipt.

As I start to ask these questions he pulls out a Discover card out of his wallet, hands it to me, and says, “I think this is the card.”

I wanted to hit him. But I did my best customer service smile and went along as if the last ten minutes never happened. I think he could see the crazy in my eyes though. He didn’t look me in the eye again. I mean, COME ON! Why the hell am I looking for the card you have IN YOUR POCKET!

Stupidest…customer…ever.

He had good competition today, however, from the man who came in with a defective media center complaining that the door didn’t close all of the way. I remembered hearing Rachel on the phone talking to him describing this problem. I played with it for a second, got the door to stick, and said, “Fixed!”

“No it’s not.”

“No, come on, look. The door is down.”

“But it doesn’t play.”

I plug it in and sure enough, the system just skips over every CD.

You’d think he would have led off with that one.