So for like the past two days, all I could think about is that fucking Rolling Stone article about how very soon life is going to suck and we’ll all go back to the way life was in the 19th century, that is if we all aren’t already dead from some new civil or world war. Seriously, I’ve been wicked depressed, this is all I could think about.

The problem probably lay in the fact that my thoughts are always of the apocalyptic. (This is all true, by the way.) But, you know, the happy apocalyptic. Armageddon, Good versus Evil, all that jazz. Thoughts like that make me strangely happy. Not like these crazy real problems. Like running out of fossil fuels. That’s something that could actually happen. All this shit in this article was very real.

I starting thinking about things like how I could prepare myself for the coming crisis. Where should I live? What career should I go into? Should I buy a farm now? Definitely should start stocking up on guns to shoot my land-crazed neighbors with. God bless America. When the times comes I should definitely have enough guns to shoot looters with.

Seriously, this is the shit that has been going through my head. My best solution was to do exactly what I want (make movies), make as much money as possible while I still can, and then when everything starts going to shit invest in things people are going to need so that I can be part of the new aristocracy and have slaves to take care of my parents and kids and all that. I’m stalking up on movies, books, CDs, everything I need to be a shut in. I’m a little fucked in the head, I know.

I only started to get over it when I started going to extremes and making fun of it. I mean if the shit-storm is going to come I can’t stop it. Might as well enjoy the good ol’ days so I can tell my grandkids what they were like, right?

It was at this point that I realized the last time I got into an apocalyptic fervor (this happens way more often than it should). It was when I read the Zombie Survival Guide, as if it were a real survival guide. I was actually planning what I would do should the day come that the dead rise. Silly me.

Thankfully, if ever everything should go to shit I do still have the Zombie Survival Guide. Just substitute the words “angry looting neighbor” for “zombie” and I should be fine.