So the other day Jeremy and I are at work talking about dreams and the subject of sex dreams comes up. We both agree that we never have really had any good sex dreams. They’re either awkward or never go anywhere, just never fun.

Cut to that night. I’m dreaming. I meet this girl. We’re really into each other. Things start to heat up. The clothes come off. So far this is the best sex dream I’ve ever had. But just as I’m about the hit the payday, something inexplicable happens. I say to her, “Wait, I don’t have a condom.”

Wait, what?

Ben, you fucking idiot. It’s nice and all that you are a responsible person and believe in safe sex, but really. It’s a DREAM! Ain’t like you’re going to get anything from a dream.

It was in this awkward moment that I woke up. Almost instantly I started cursing myself. What a waste…

——

From previous posts you probably recall that my dog is sick. Well, yesterday my mom put the dog in the upstairs bathroom with one of those baby gates in front of the door to keep the dog from getting sick on the carpet. Then she put a big round wicker basket in front of that.

I should just let all of you who have never seen my dog know that her back right leg is pretty much useless. We got her after she had been abused and her right hind leg was broken. Well, it didn’t heal right and all the muscles fused so that it just sticks out straight and useless. I just want you to keep this in mind when I finish the story.

So the dog is locked upstairs, right? Well, when my mom gets home there the dog is, happy as can be, waiting at the front door. My mom assumes she just pushed her way through. But no, everything upstairs is just as she left it. Nothing has been pushed out of the way at all.

We still have no idea how the dog got out.