None of you know what I’m talking about, but have you noticed how opening a toy nowadays automatically qualifies you for a job of breaking into Fort Knox? I mean, I swear to God it is next to impossible to open these damn things. I guess the toy makers figure that anyone that would buy what I buy is just going to keep it in the box anyway to accrue value, so you might as well make sure it has a snug fit.

First you have got to get the inner layer out of the box. That in itself can sometime be a chore. Then you have to get a million of these little metal twist-tie thingies off, which are usually covered over with tape that has the most amazing adhesive in the world, in that it does not want to let go of cardboard. Once you get all of that done you just have to pull the toy out of its cocoon, which is much easier said than done. Those twist-tie things are all curled up because of the endless twirling they had to endure and thus won’t fit through the tiny cardboard holes they stick through.

Once you actually have the toy in your hands the next tricky task at hand is to make the damn thing stand up. For some reason these things were designed with the wonkiest internal physics and the bottom of their feet look like they were sanded flat by a drunk, seasick sailor. If you actually get them to stand up without the slightest tremor in the earth tipping it over, give yourself a hand because you’ve done the impossible.

The actual toys in question are the new Batman line designed by Jim Lee’s Hush drawings. Man, they are frickin’ sweet. Finally a cool Batman toy I can call my own. I’ve waited years for this thing to come out. He looks a lot like Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns Batman, only not as pudgy. This is one of the final pieces of my holy grail of toys (which the ones I have so far are: Batman, Alien, Predator, Alien Queen, Spike and Faye from Bebop, Homer Simpson, and Marv from Sin City.)

Series One came with Batman, Joker, Poison Ivy, Huntress, and Hush, who I know nothing about, but he still looks pretty cool, so I got him with the rest of the set with no regrets. All the sculpts are awesome. I’m actually now thinking of getting the Series Two now because they look so cool (I think that set has Superman, Nightwing, Catwoman (who I MUST have) the Riddler and some fifth figure that I haven’t figured out yet (probably Robin)).

Granted I have nowhere to put these, I have The Bride and Go-Go Kill Bill figures coming and I’m considering getting a shit load of Alien vs. Predator toys, just because you know, they’re made by MacFarlane Toys and they are FRICKIN’ ALIEN VS. PREDATOR. I already have an Alien and a Predator, plus the Alien Queen, but goddamn it why not have more? It would be so cool to just have an army of them running around. They make enough of them too. At least 18 now by my count. Isn’t that insane? What the hell is going on over at MacFarlane Toys? There is going to be a Hicks toy too. Why no Ripley, I have no idea. Do I need these new toys? No. Can I afford these new toys? No. Am I going to break down and buy them at the last minute? Probably. I’m a very sad man.

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In more serious news, going to Dan’s wake was a surreal experience. This was the first wake I’ve been to where I wasn’t direct family, the first wake I’ve gone to of a friend of mine and also the first wake I’ve been to of someone younger than me. The whole thing just freaked me out, not in the usual way but in a very subconscious and surreal way. Every once and a while I’ll notice it bothering me, but I can never pinpoint why. It just comes up at weird times.

I totally didn’t recognize Ben Koziol at the wake. He’s taller now, much older looking and his hairline is starting to recede. The voice is still the same. Man, I haven’t seen him in a long time. Ms. Koziol didn’t recognize me, which is to be expected I guess, but she still seemed a little frazzled. Understandably though.

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I did some killer sales today. I’m pretty proud of myself.

We really need new employees at Bose though. Another full timer just put in his two weeks. After he’s gone we’ll only have four staff members, three management and me. Somehow in three months I’ve gone from a part timer to a store veteran. It’s insane.

So if you need a job, please let me know. We pay well.

For the first time I’m working seven days in a row, starting today. This is not going to be fun. On the plus side, now that Jesse is leaving soon I’ll be able to work nine days in a row. Yea!

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Bose uses this check checking agency (honestly, I couldn’t think of a better way to put it) that will run a background check on a check and then insure it so that Bose can cash it immediately instead of waiting for it to clear. This agency sucks though. They won’t clear anyone’s freakin’ check.

The reason I’m telling you this is because the other day I got a call at work telling me that I had a Code 3 on my check for the Lifestyle 35 and they wouldn’t clear it. They wanted to know what I wanted to do. I called up the agency at ask why the check wouldn’t clear, because I knew that I had enough money because I had just made a big deposit in my account. Well they couldn’t tell me shit about shit, simply stating that it was one of four reasons that it didn’t clear. Well geez, if I had to guess why it didn’t clear those are probably the first four reasons I would think up. That didn’t tell me shit. The lady I was talking to was useless too, so my phone call to them was pretty much pointless.

I pretty much just called the guy back and told him to hold onto the check until it cleared on its own. I’m not too disappointed about this because I was pretty sure they were just going to do this on their own anyway, but damn was it annoying that it all went down that way. I mean, I want my Lifestyle now! I’m getting scared; I’m actually starting to have fantasies about speaker placement now.