——The Punisher——

(C-)

What we have here is a movie made in the wrong time. Back in the 70’s when the Punisher was created, or in the 80’s when testosterone driven action movies were king this movie would feel right at home. Today it feels really out of place though. It doesn’t help that much of the plot is laughably extreme.

Travolta’s son stupidly tags along on an illegal gun purchase and then because he’s a moron who doesn’t drop his gun when the cops show up, he gets gunned down by the cops. They figure out that Frank Castle was leading the raid, and thus he must die. But Travolta’s wife decides that isn’t enough, his WHOLE FAMILY must die. Now I thought at first that just meant that his wife and son had to die. But no, no, no. Conveniently the Castles just happen to be having a family reunion in Puerto Rico, of all places, and so indeed, Frank’s WHOLE FAMILY is gunned down. Every last second cousin and weird aunt.

Frank then gets beat up, stabbed, shot a couple times, blown up and drowned, and yet he just keeps on ticking. He needs to get justice, you see. So he kills a shit load of people. And then he goes a little overboard by setting up some elaborate plot where Travolta actually kills his own wife and best friend. Why? Who knows. But it is pretty funny.

Although the movie is horrible as hell, at least it is pretty amusing, and the action sequences are so over the top that they just work. Not a good movie, but it is some great entertainment.

——Aguirre, the Wrath of God——

(A-)

This movie is exactly like what Apocalypse Now did for Heart of Darkness in Vietnam, only this time we are dealing with Spanish Conquistadors. Aguirre is going to find the Lost City of Gold no matter what, and he manages to keep everyone in line with the thought that it must be just around the next bend in the river. Every man will be his own king, and they’ll create a kingdom to rival Spain. Meanwhile the river is eating them alive. Madness is everywhere. And the movie is absolutely gripping.

Herzog films the movie brilliantly, able to show the majesty of this conquering army while showing the absurdity of their situation (what exactly are they conquering?) at the same time. Kinski is equally powerful in his performance. His madness is so terrifying that it manages to touch you outside of the screen. A great film.

——A Bullet for the General——

(A-)

Superbly shot and filled with probably the most political subtext of any western I’ve seen, A Bullet for the General manages to be both incredibly entertaining and intellectually deep at the same time. A marauder who says he fights for the rights of his people only realizes what that means after greed has caused him to abandon everything he has said he was fighting for. One of the best Spaghetti Western’s I’ve seen. Recommended.

——Four of the Apocalypse——

(B)

This movie suffers from not knowing what type of movie it really is. It starts out as a sort of horror movie, where four social rejects (a gambler, a prostitute, a drunk and a crazy black guy who says he talks with ghosts) leave a town with nothing after its inhabitants are all killed in an effort to clean the lawless town up. On the road they meet a crazy man who sadistically tortures them and rapes the prostitute, finally leaving them there to die.

Then somewhere the movie turns into a love story between the gambler and the prostitute, and when it comes time for her to have her baby she has it in a town completely of men, who dote on the baby like loving mothers when the real mother dies. The gambler then leaves them with the baby to take vengeance on the man who tortured them.

Parts of the movie are extremely good, but then it goes all funky. The soundtrack also really sucks. It has this weird folk singer acting like a Greek chorus and telling us what we already know from watching the movie. Aside from that though the movie is pretty good.

——Nosferatu, Phantom of the Night——

(A-)

Of all of the adaptations of Bram Stoker’s Dracula that I’ve seen, this movie for me is probably the best. Herzog manages to perfectly capture the terror that Dracula unleashes all around him, while creating Dracula has this sympathetic character that longs for love and loathes his immortality, and yet can’t help being who he is. He’s just a lonely guy who is so far gone in his transformation to evil that he can never go back no matter how hard he tries. Lucy does her best to stop Dracula, but ultimately fails in her pursuits. The movie remains haunting though, long after it is over.

——Raising Cain——

(C+)

To be perfectly honest, this movie is God awful terrible. It’s just really, really bad. However, Brian De Palma goes so freakin’ over the top with it that you can’t help enjoying yourself while you watch the film, despite what your brain is trying to tell you. Yeah the movie blows, but could you be having more fun watching it? I doubt it. The movie is about split personalities and the film seems to have a split personality of its own. It’s all over the place. And that’s why it is so great. You never know where the heck De Palma is going to be going with it next.

——Twilight Samurai——

(A)

This movie was nominated for Best Foreign film last year, and deservedly so. This movie is like a breath of fresh air, it is so simple and touching and not what you expected. A poor widowed samurai must take care of his two little girls, his senile old mother and his own farm, and yet his poor situation doesn’t bother him at all. In fact he’d rather be a farmer. He enjoys the simple little pleasures of life, and feels no real longing for a proper samurai lifestyle. Most of the film is really a romance, as a childhood friend divorces her abusive husband and begins spending more and more time with the samurai. Nothing is easy for them though…

The climax of the film comes when it is discovered that despite his miser appearance he is really a master of the short sword, and he is asked to kill a ronin who has refused to commit seppuku after his master has died. The samurai at first refuses because he has no desire to kill, but he is forced to do it, and the film ends with a battle to the death. A fantastic film, worth seeing.

——Texas Adios——

(B)

This movie is weird in that it is most definitely the most American Spaghetti Western I’ve ever seen. John Wayne could easily take the place of Franco Nero here. So while it is a pretty solid Western, there really isn’t much to make it stand out on its own. It’s a revenge film with a pretty standard structure, and a few Italian flourishes here and there don’t really add too much to the genre.

——Keoma——

(A-)

Despite a few flaws this film really is a Spaghetti Western masterpiece. Most of those flaws a plot problems, which makes sense after watching the documentary on the disk, as they mention that all of the dialogue would be written on the day of filming. That’s because the director was focused on the visuals, and damn are they good. Keoma is an Indian half breed who comes back from the Civil War only to find his town taken over by assholes wanting to let the town die from plague so that they can pick up the pieces and make a fortune. Almost every shot in the film makes you watch in awe, especially the explosive gun fight that ends the film, easily one of the best I’ve seen. A great film, totally recommended.

——The Ladykillers——

(A-)

I went into this movie with reservations, since the last Coen brothers movie I saw, Intolerable Cruelty, was a big stinker. I was then delighted to see that this movie was really frickin’ funny. After successfully robbing a casino vault against all odds, this group of misfits is ultimately outwitted by a religious old black woman who doesn’t even know that she’s outwitting them (ultimately meaning they outwitted themselves). It’s goofy, it’s hilarious, it’s really a whole lot of fun.

——Mother, Jugs & Speed——

(B+)

This black comedy is really a lost gem from the 70’s. Bill Cosby plays Mother, the best ambulance driver who just also happens to drink beers out of his cooler in the front seat while on the job and takes pleasure in making nuns scatter by turning on his siren while they cross the road. Speed is Harvey Keitel, a cop accused of selling drugs to kids who can only work as an ambulance driver while his case goes to court. And Raquel Welch is Jugs of course, who, well, looks really fine in tight sweaters. The movie can be really funny and touching at times, and the whole film is pretty cool.

——Mean Girls——

(A-)

I was surprised at how devilishly good this movie was. Tina Fey’s script is spot on perfect, and the direction doesn’t try to mess with it at all. The acting is perfect too (especially from the SNL cast members, none of whom overact and thus steal the film away from the girls it is really about). I think this movie, along with Thirteen, should be required viewing in high school.

Oh, and Lindsey Lohan is fucking hot. Just 60 more days…

——Shogun Assassin——

(A-)

It was a little hard watching this film from the perspective of being a huge Lone Wolf and Cub fan, since the comics are so far superior to this film. But then they will be to almost every film made based on those comics. By grind house standards though, this is an excellent arterial spray film. It’s a lot like the comic though, in that it is pretty much composed of various different episodes where Itto kills people. And every time he slashes someone, blood flies EVERYWHERE. It’s pretty cool. The only real drag of the film is that to simplify it a lot of the political subtext of the comics has been done away with.

——Invincible Pole Fighter——

(A)

This movie feels a lot like a Technicolor epic from the 30’s in both tone and scope. Sometimes the production values can look a little cheap and cheesy, but I think that is only because the director is trying to do so frickin’ much in one film. Gordon Liu rips it up yet again, as one of the seven Yang brothers. They are betrayed to the Mongols by traitors, who kill the Yang father and all but two sons. One goes home insane, while Gordon Liu joins a monastery. There he perfects his pole fighting, only to use it later when his sister is in jeopardy. The final set piece and fight are just jaw droppingly cool, and like most Gordon Liu films this one has to be seen to be believed.