I went and saw the Matrix again. This is both a response to seeing the film again, and a response to what Josh wrote to me this weekend, so for the whole scoop make sure you read my first review and Josh’s review first, before getting into this rebuttal. Enjoy!

——The Matrix Revolutions——

(C+)

Because I was a little confused on a few points of Revolutions and because I wasn’t really sure where my final opinion was concerning Revolutions I saw it again this weekend with my dad. I’m happy to say that a lot of the things I was confused about are made much clearer on second viewing. This movie definitely needs to be seen at least twice to get the full meaning of it.

That said, I also disliked the movie a whole lot more the second time around. I don’t care if everything does make sense and the movie does provide a resolution to everything–the film is still a major disappointment. I’m getting to the point where I almost wish the sequels were never made (and I would totally feel that way if it weren’t for some of the finer points of Reloaded) much the same way I feel about George Lucas’s shitty prequels. I bet the Wachowski brothers stole a little too much from Episode I and II, and unfortunately Lucas stole way too little from the Matrix.

Why the disappointment? Well, there is just the fact that the original Matrix was such a tighter film in terms of storytelling. Then there is the fact that the ending of the original Matrix promised us so much more than was revealed in the sequels. Neo’s threat to the machines at the end of the movie, before flying away, promised so much more than this half there Revolutions. The movie seems more concerned with making sure that the brothers’ philosophy is spelled out to the T than it is with making the most enjoyable movie possible. The original Matrix was able to imbed the philosophy carefully into the film without disrupting the pure enjoyability of it. The sequels feel labored in trying to associate the action with the philosophy. Honestly I feel like half of the action sequences don’t even need to be there. The freeway chase, amazing as it is, doesn’t really need to be there. How much does it actually contribute to the story? Think about it, it actually takes us away from the main narrative. And that’s how most of the fights feel in the sequels. Almost none of the action has the same weight and feel of those sequences in the original film. I don’t think it is the nature of the narrative either; I think it’s bad storytelling.

I also object to the fact that besides being able to fly, Neo doesn’t really have any new “superpowers”. We see him warp reality the first time he flies in Reloaded, but that doesn’t really have the same effect as when Neo warped the walls at the end of the Matrix. He uses the force to pull some weapons off of the wall at the Merovingian’s place, but other than that he doesn’t really do anything special at all. Why is the Super Burly Brawl smackdown dominated by the same punch/sonic boom/hand-to-hand combinations over and over? Why don’t they chuck some stuff at each other using the force? Why don’t they bend reality to their whims? Why not add something to the whole mix that we haven’t seen in one form or another before? I mean I love the fact that Smith now controls the Matrix…why not make some use of that? The final smackdown of the series should have blown minds; instead it was mildly thrilling because of the impressively realistic special effects.

Now to get down to the nitty gritty details of the film.

OK, Revolutions fulfilled the promise it made for a resolution to the story. But did it really? The way I see it the good stuff is only just beginning. Sure there is peace for now, but how long do you think that will last? The way I see it we just started another cycle of the Matrix. When the Oracle refers to the fact that they’ll probably see Neo again, she’s really referring to the fact that everything that happened before is going to happen again. The variables have just changed slightly. Neo wasn’t the One, he was just “the One”, just like there had been “One”s before. Whoop de do da fuck.

Watching the movie again I don’t think Neo can blow up the Sentinels because of any heightening of awareness or anything mystical or philosophical or religious like that, but instead that he is able to use his connection to the Matrix to use that to travel to the Source where he then heads back out to sort out the machines, just like the Source is able to command the Sentinels to stand down to let Neo do his thing. He’s able to see all of the power around him using the same principle. That also explains why with his heightened consciousness his dumb ass is still not able to tell that Trinity has 90 wires sticking out of her gut.

Speaking of wires: Anyone else think that the brothers have an extreme henti fetish thing going on? Especially when Neo gets to the Source you can feel the tentacle porn fetishes everywhere.

Anyone else find the whole Neo trapped in the Train Station subplot pointless? I mean in a movie so damn focused on “Purpose”, what purpose is served by this sequence other than to find some way of fitting the last bit of philosophy in there? Why does Neo go to the train station instead of anywhere else? Yeah, the movie tries to explain it all by saying that the train station is between worlds, but that really isn’t a very satisfactory reason. It feels WAY too convenient. And the fact that Seti and her parents are there too…damn, the coincidence meter is off the charts!

Why can’t Neo just get himself out? OK, there is the whole “The Trainman built this place” thing, which I guess is suppose to relate to how Smith is in control of the Matrix later, but I just don’t buy it. If Neo is so damn special he should be able to figure out how to rewrite the train stations code just like he did in the Matrix. In fact he almost breaks free when he has visions of the Source when Trinity shows up to pointlessly save his ass. Grr…

Revolutions had little to no human drama. What? Huh? What are you talking about Ben? What about all of those scenes with human drama in them? Well, they would actually have to be well written for any drama to come out of them. Expect plenty of examples below.

I’ve never really bought the whole Trinity and Neo in love thing. Never has it been more than just a crush. You don’t even know that they really have a thing for each other until Trinity explains that Neo can’t die because she’s suppose to love the One. Huh? They’ve barely talked to each other up to this point and I’m suppose to buy this? I still remember hearing audible laughter when she said that the first time I saw Matrix in the theaters. Does it get any better in the sequels? Not really. In Reloaded their love is explained by having them make out at every available moment. Everything else is metaphorical or allegorical. None of it is actually based on a real relationship. It’s not love, it’s lust. There is nary a moment of REAL intimacy between the two.

And don’t even get me started on Trinity’s death sequence. That scene goes on way, way, WAY too long. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too long. When I saw it in the theater I could hear everyone in the theater becoming restless, including myself. People shifting their asses in their seat, people crinkling candy wrappers, etc. I talked to my sister and when she saw it she said people were actually laughing at it. And why shouldn’t they? The whole thing is ridiculous. Trinity has all of these things sticking out of her body and she still manages to carry on probably the longest conversation of the whole film without ever acting like she’s in pain at all. Give me a break. Keep it short and sweet. Less is more.

Honestly I think the new Oracle is one of the best things about this movie. I was getting a little sick of Gloria Foster in Reloaded (probably because of the inane things she had to say in that movie) but now the Oracle feels as fresh and delightful as she was in the original film.

The Club Hell shootout is really disappointing. Why? Because no one (other than Trinity, who’s actually done this before) seems to know what to do in this sequence. Morpheus and Seraph just STAND THERE shooting. Boring. Why not run around a little like Trinity? (Unless they just want her to do all of the work.) Either that or these are the worst gun checkers ever. They practically throw themselves on top of the bullets.

Seraph is disappointing because he never really does anything that’s as cool as how he looks. The fight between him and Neo in Reloaded is probably the most pointless fight in the whole series. One minute of boring hand blocks? He shows a little bit of spark in the parking garage, but otherwise does little for the rest of the sequence. I think he’s actually at his coolest when he is protecting Seti from the Smiths. There he has the badass quality that he deserves.

Morpheus is utterly destroyed at the end of Reloaded because he discovers that the whole prophecy was a scam. They don’t really play on that much in Revolutions. I don’t know why, because it would have made for a great story. Instead of having him say anything though, Niobe steps in as the believer to save his dumb ass from saying anything stupid.

Club Hell is “just a club”? It’s Hell! Surely Hell demands a little more respect.

I think the first fight between Neo and the Agents in Reloaded is one of the best fights in the film. It not only sets up that the Agents are nothing to Neo now, but it also has some of the best fight choreography of the sequels. The other fights could really use some more originality.

Having Monica Belluci in a slapstick sex comedy is probably the most brilliant thing I’ve ever heard. Someone get on that, stat!

Twenty guns are on Seraph, Trinity and Morpheus, and not one person manages to get off a shot for the entire scene. I don’t care if they miss, something is just wrong there.

I love how whenever someone says something, and then they cut to Keanu Reeves he always has this George W. “HUH???” look on his face. And by love I mean hate.

OK, Neo can do amazing things as the One. He can even short-out machines in the real world. And it still takes him four hours to figure out that Bane is Smith?

Fact A: Neo doesn’t even know Bane. And yet Bane really seems to know them.

Fact B: Bane only talks about stuff that happened in the Matrix. How would he know that. But still, I can accept that he might just be crazy.

Fact C: The whole “Mr. Anderson” thing. Not only should we wonder how Bane would actually know Neo’s real name since no one other than Trinity and Morpheus would know this; not only has no one actually called Neo “Mr. Anderson” in the movies other than Smith, but we also have to deal with the fact that the actor that plays Bane has perfected Hugo Weaving’s speech patterns so well that most of us thought that he was actually Hugo Weaving in makeup the first time we say him on screen. He has the exact tone and cadence and everything. Neo, there is no spoon.

I wasn’t trying to imply in my last review that Locke should suddenly change into a great guy who’s totally on board with the One, but that the filmmakers should give his character a little more respect. He actually makes some pretty damn good points throughout the two films, and yet always his opinion is meaningless because they have made him into such a tool. He is such a dickhead, why would we ever listen carefully to what he has to say? I find that to be a damn dirty shame, because it is not until the film is almost over that we really know that he is wrong. He could have been right the whole time. Why didn’t they play that up more? Bad writing, that’s why.

The first time I saw Revolutions I thought Kid was a little less annoying that he was in Reloaded. But the second time I saw Revolutions I thought he was so much MORE annoying than he was in the first movie. “Neo, I believe!” Gag me with a spoon. Then there is the whole interaction between Kid and Mifune, which happens to contain some of the most basic war movie cliches ever put to film. Man they hit all of the big ones. “How old are you kid?”

“18.”

“Should have said 16, I would have believed you.”

“OK, 16.”

“Starting age for the core is 18, kid….”

Oh God, the pain of it all.

Then there is the typical speech before the battle bit we’ve all seen a million times before. Also, why the hell has no one equipped their guns until after the drill falls through the hole? What the hell are they waiting for? Also, why the hell would you even have APUs in a space that small? Why go to all of the trouble? Why not just have a shitload of guns? The absurdity of it all is starting to get to me.

The machine’s strategy is moronic. The entire purpose for it is to prolong the action sequence to make it more exciting. Allow me to demonstrate:

Army A and Army B are meeting each other for battle. Army A decides to march their army in with columns of men four men wide. Army B decides to march their army in with rows of men four men deep. Because Army B is spread out and Army A is more condense Army B is able to easily flank Army A and shoot the hell out of it. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

Now consider the fact that instead of Army A just marching straight into Army B it decides to practice its parade formations by not shooting at B and instead running around in circles while a few men here and there break rank and rush into the hail of bullets.

That’s what the machines are doing.

The fact that they actually seem to succeed with this dumbass strategy only highlights how fucked the humans are.

Consider this: The machines can fly. Which means while the humans are stuck moving in two dimensions, the Sentinels can move in three. If they all just spread out so that the APUs couldn’t condense their fire on the giant masses of them the sentinels could have easily picked them to pieces in mere minutes with minimal casualties. Zion is crushed before Niobe can even get there. More efficient my ass, Architect.

Then there is the fact that the brothers have obviously watched Aliens way too many times. I won’t even get into all of that. You probably all know what I’m talking about.

Zee and Vasques: Let’s move like we have a purpose people! Let’s move like, say, the fate of Zion depended on it. When did loading a rocket launcher become such agonizing torture? Just shoot the fucker already! If you are going to make it more suspenceful, hold the shot on Vasquez aiming and trying to get a clear shot. Not on them walking slowly to their target and then taking their damn time loading it. People’s lives kind of depend on this, remember?

The Jesus imagery in the original Matrix was great. It was there, but it was only part of something else. They never hit you over the head with it. It was there if you wanted to see it, but you didn’t have to see it. In Revolutions they beat you over the head with it. When Neo sacrifices himself there is even a cross of light that comes out of his chest. Come on. Also, there is the fact that if you aren’t familiar with the story of Jesus there is a good chance you won’t understand the ending and what just happened. Until you start putting all of the pieces together it is kind of confusing. Argue with that if you will, but I believe it true. I even had some trouble with it.

No I can’t really believe a hovership can rocket itself above the clouds. What precedent is there for that? These things were designed to never be more than 20 yards away from something to repel from. What exactly are they hovering over? The explosions?

And when have we ever seen the hoverships do more than just hover?

The Big Baby Machine Thing is a deus ex machina. How do I know this? Because it’s name is, get ready, Deus Ex Machina. Subtle the Wachowski brothers ain’t. Neo can’t defeat Smith. He can only give himself up to Smith because Smith is now the one who controls the Matrix, and when the Deus Ex Machina has an entry way into Smith so that it can then reboot the Matrix, bringing everything back to square one. Gee, if the Deus Ex Machina isn’t a deus ex machina, I don’t know what is. God came down and made everything all better, thus erasing everything that’s been built up thus far.

Yeah it all makes sense, and I kind of like it in a more technical intellectual way, but as a form of entertainment it just sucks. Eastern philosophy does not make for the best entertainment. Learning that to beat Smith you have to first beat yourself is not enjoyable. If instead Neo learned that he had to become like Smith to beat Smith, the possibilities of that ending I find very intriguing. Instead it becomes a big mess of “purpose” in that it is about as exciting as learning that my chair’s purpose is to allow me to sit in comfort.

Also, does anyone other than me see the vast amount of problems that are going to arise because of this new incarnation of the Matrix? Am I alone with the Architect in thinking that the old way is the better way? Earth just doesn’t have the resources to hold a population greater than half a million people. There is going to be overpopulation and then some plight like in any natural habitat. Living in the real world is going to be more miserable than it already is. At least with the war against the machines there is hope of something better. Now what is there?