OK, I know I said I’d post this Monday, but this review is so damn long and I have so many other movie reviews for Monday that I thought I’d jump the gun and give you my review today and not overwhelm you with reviews come Monday. Enjoy, and feel free to respond with your own questions, comments, or arguments.

——The Matrix Revolutions——

(B)

OK, first a general review for those who haven’t yet seen the movie, then a spoiler filled one for those who have. I found this movie to be both amazing and disappointing at the same time. Perhaps I had my expectations set up too high, but I doubt it if just because this film didn’t deliver on the promise that everything would now be revealed. Like the X-Files, whenever some questions are answered, three new ones spring up in their place. It also shouldn’t be surprising that the same problems that plagued Reloaded are in this movie too. There is still way too much exposition and philosophical dialog that is not phased in correctly with the rest of the film so that it all feels natural (like it did in the first film). There also seems to be a real problem in this film of scenes being there just to support other scenes, which leaves some scenes with an overabundance of self importance while leaving other scenes that could have been a lot cooler out in the cold. All that and pacing issues too (oh my!).

What’s good? Well the CGI special effects have gone above and beyond the call of duty in this film. George Lucas pay close attention, this is how you create realistic CGI that seamlessly incorporates itself with its live-action counterparts. Some of this CGI is just astounding, the battle for Zion against the machines and the Super Burly Brawl being obvious examples, but also Neo traveling to Machine city and what is probably the most exciting sequence, Niobe’s hovercraft race against the Sentinels to Zion. All great stuff. The battle for Zion gives you a great glimpse at what a Mechwarrior movie might look like, while the Super Burly Brawl better be what is in the filmmakers’ minds when they finally get around to the Superman movie.

Overall this was a really entertaining movie, but nowhere near as good as the first two. The sequel curse has worked it’s magic yet once again. Dear Lord, please let Return of the King be the first exception to the rule!

OK, now for the SPOILER section for all of you who’ve seen the film and want to discuss in more detail. Again, those who haven’t seen it yet should skip to the next review now.

The movie picks up right where it left off. Neo is stuck at the train station between two worlds. Why is this again? I didn’t really pick up on the why of that. Which brings us to probably one of the biggest, if not the biggest question from Reloaded: How the hell did Neo blow up those Sentinels??? Unfortunately this question is never really answered. I mean, I can accept the fact that Neo can jack himself into the Matrix without actually jacking in. We do have wi-fi technology now. It can’t be that hard for the One to turn himself into a cell phone, but again, how does that pertain to machines in the real world? How the fuck does he do THAT? Question one not answered.

Problem two comes from the “people” Neo meets in the train station. The young actress that plays Seti does a fine enough job (did you all notice the double meaning in her name?) but honestly, do we really need a child actor in this film? She was cute, but also groan inducing. Then you have her father, a machine or program or however you want to view it, explaining love to Neo. Has anyone else noticed that the humans seem more like machines and they need machines to teach them about love? Anyone? That’s just bad writing in my opinion, because I believed that he loved Seti more than I believe the unexplained love between Neo and Trinity. Honestly, other than the fact that the two of them look perfect as a couple, does anyone actually know why they love each other? Three movies later and I still don’t know why they love each other, except for maybe carnal lust. Ugh. Oh well, moving on. Here is a scene that could have been really trimmed down, especially to make room for the next scene which should have been a lot longer.

Morpheus and Trinity go to the Oracle and learn about how to get Neo back. One of the big pluses of this movie is that not only is the transition from one actress playing the Oracle to the other seamless and believable, but also that the new actress plays the role as good, if not better than Gloria Foster. It really works that we went from a more wisecracking smart-ass Oracle in the last two movies, to a more motherly one in this film. This works perfectly.

Anyway, the next scene, Club Hell. What could have been an amazing sequence akin to the lobby sequence in The Matrix was squandered in my opinion. This is a really key scene that was given the shaft because of the bloated nature of the rest of the film. For a movie all about “purpose” they seemed to have missed the whole purpose thing here. First there is the fight against the weapon collectors. What seemed initially to be pretty exciting was actually pretty dull. When did Morpheus and Trinity turn into uber One-like people? Why is it that the gun collectors are the ones running on the ceiling and flying through planes while Morpheus for the majority of the fight is just standing there firing away? Trinity, veteran of the lobby shoot-out gets some good licks in, but doesn’t really do anything new or special. And then there is Seraph, king of the pointless action sequence. How could someone who looks so cool do so little? Anyway, that part is rushed, and then they go into the actual club itself, which is also a rushed scene. Wouldn’t it be cooler if this sequence had the same quality of the lobby sequence, in that say, Morpheus said that it was madness to go into Club Hell and Trinity was all like but I BELIEVE I can do it, because of her love and belief in Neo? I think so. Kind of like the Freeway sequence, that I know I can do the impossible feeling. Nope, that’s not here. Instead we get another throwaway action sequence when they meet the Merovingian (am I to believe that not a single person could get a shot off while the three of them did all of their kicking and punching?) and more rambling from the Merovingian, but instead of being a silly sex farce with double meaning, this time he is just plain annoying repeating the same damn old things. That and the fact that Persephone gets only one line make this one of the most disappointing parts of the movie.

Thankfully though this sequence also features the best special effect of the whole movie, Monica’s amazing bosom. I found my eyes quite frequently roaming to the bottom right hand side of the screen.

So Neo and Trinity are reunited (yea) (which brings the question, why not just strand Trinity with Neo. Two for the price of one, baby!). Neo is back in the land of the living, and then he decides to go off to do the impossible, while Niobe does a little impossible act of her own. Which brings me to Bane…

OK, Neo is the One, right? He’s obviously done something right to get to this point. And yet it takes him FOUR HOURS to figure out that Bane is really Agent Smith. Now, I know that it is kind of hard to believe that Smith could even do such a thing, but come on. He has a billion bodies in the Matrix, why not one in the real one. OK, first clue that Bane is Agent Smith: when someone you rarely talk to is trying to kill you, and keeps calling you MR. ANDERSON in that weird way that Hugo Weaving made famous, that, my friends, is your first fucking clue. Damn it Neo, get your head out of your ass and save Trinity, you bitch.

Now, the big showdown, the battle of Zion. This whole sequence is pretty damn cool. The special effects are AMAZING here. There is so much good here. But like usual in this film, there are some things that could be changed. First off, Locke is still a giant dick. I’m disappointed. I mean, he makes lots of good points, but never without coming off as the biggest asshole in the world. I wish just once he would actually sound like he really did know what he was talking about. Also, while Kid is redeemed a little bit here, he’s still annoying. Can’t really help that.

The Battle: the APU’s or whatever they are called were bitchin’. Captain Mifune was especially bitchin’. The effects of the multitude of Sentinels were amazing looking. But obviously this sequence chose style over reality. Does it really make any sense that the Sentinels should make a tentacle arm out of themselves, and thus become one giant target for the humans? I mean, think about it: How many times have they destroyed Zion? And this is the most efficient way to do it? I’d have them scatter and take out ever APU right off the bat. The battle should have taken like five minutes for the machines to kick the humans’ asses. Oh well, it looks better this way.

But then there is Zee and “Vasquez”. (So obvious here that they are ripping off a character from Aliens.) Here is some damn bad editing. Why, God, why do we have to watch in agonizing boredom every step of walking out, checking for a target, and then actually loading the rocket launcher in REAL TIME? These sequences should have been like 15-30 seconds tops. Slam, slam, fire, cut. That’s it. I could go out and get some ridiculously overpriced popcorn in the time it takes for Zee to take her time loading that damn thing while people die. What the hell? Cut that down and we could have had another great action sequence, or even better, some realistic dialog. Wouldn’t that be great?

(ALSO: Did anyone else notice that while in the orgy sequence of Reloaded 90% of the people there were black, in the battle sequences of Revolutions 90% of the people fighting were white? Hmm…I’m not going to say anything more. I’ll leave you to figure out what exactly that means.)

Meanwhile, Niobe is flying the hell out of that hovership making this one of the coolest close quarters race to the finish since the Millennium Falcon flew out of the exploding Death Star. This sequence is just great all around.

Neo is now blind because of Bane/Smith. This actually matters very little, as Neo can pretty much see everything anyway because of his new Jesus in the machine vision. The symbolism (as that’s all that’s left) is lost on me. Anyway, the flight in is pretty cool. I’m not exactly sure how they managed to get a hovership above the clouds (whatever, I’ll buy it) but what the hell does it mean when the Sentinel goes THROUGH Neo? Damned if I know. This whole section involves a huge suspension of disbelief. Then they crash, Trinity dies and yet the only thing Neo can’t see at this point is the twenty poles sticking out of her. The death scene felt a little overly sappy to me, but otherwise was OK, and then Neo meets Deus Ex Machina.

OK, those last three words I wrote should set off a few alarms here. Why? Because that’s exactly what happens. After a great build up the ending is just thrown away to the mystical. Whatever. But before we get into that, let’s talk about the Super Burly Brawl.

Although this is Burly Brawl part two, only one Smith actually fights, which is interesting and yet a very good thing, as I’m not really sure how they would pull off Neo versus millions. The special effects here are amazing. They aren’t especially flashy, and yet that’s why they are so good–they don’t draw attention to themselves. Aw man, if the Superman movie looks like this it is going to kick serious ass. I should also mention at this point the great Agent Smith/Hugo Weaving. This guy makes the movie. In a movie filled with bland one-dimensional characters, Hugo raises the bar for how cool a movie villain can be. Damn he is awesome.

Anyway, the fight is amazing. I could have used a little more real life fight stunts to offset the special effects, because honestly real life stunts always feel more compelling than CGI ones. But whatever. Then the fight starts to get into the neither one can really stop the other one, and then suddenly Neo decides he’s got to become Jesus. This feels too easy, and also too damn lame. I get the whole yin/yang thing, but still this could have been done better. And also, it fails to answer every major question I had following the end of Reloaded.

What exactly just happened? The war was fought to a stalemate this time, the two sides called a truce. But how is this really different than what usually happens? So Zion gets to stay. What happens when the people overgrow it? Where do they go? The whole damn world is scorched. Sure, now you get the choice of whether or not you want to be plugged into the Matrix, but who the hell would not want to be? What really is there in the real world other than the peace of mind that comes with knowing that this is really what is real? The Oracle acts like she won something special, but really she only won the most recent of a constant stream of chest games with the Architect. The whole thing becomes a giant metaphor with no real meaning. What a let down.

While the movie was amazing (and I’ll definitely see it again) I still feel really let down by the Wachowski Brothers. What the hell? This was good, but Reloaded was definitely the better film. Revolutions pertains not to the revolutionary aspect of the movie breaking new boundaries, but of the fact that the Matrix has just come full circle and nothing has really changed. It’s fun with no substance, which is a giant no-no of the Matrix movies. Shame on them.