If you aren’t watching Survivor now, well, shame on you. This is only the most exciting, fresh, surprise-filled excellent season of Survivor since the very first one. It’s like watching the show for the very first time, it’s so good. No week is without its fair share of drama. The cast of Survivors is the most interesting group yet. There are surprises thrown in all over the place, and none of them seem lame. And the pirate theme? Not only is it the coolest theme for a Survivor ever, but the show has used the theme extremely well in dictating the new wacky rules of the game.

Need an example? How about this week’s twist where the Outcasts (i.e., those not cool enough to stay on the island for 18 days) came back as a third tribe in order to try to win their way back on to the island. Both Drake and Morgan lose and have to go to tribal council, and two of the Outcasts get to come back on the show to shake things up. Sweet! (And note that there are 4 tribal councils going on in two days’ time. Crazy!) Shawn gets the boot from Drake (I have to say that I’d rather see Jon go, but I can’t blame them for wanting to kick Shawn’s lazy whining “I do everything the way I want to” ass out). And then there is Morgan and silly Oston.

Black males haven’t really been representing their race well on Survivor. Remember Gervice, the giant woosy boy from the first Survivor? Well, every black male that’s been on the show since seems be have been cut out of Gervice’s lazy, yet muscular, overconfident and yet never really contributing his fair share to challenges, afraid of nature and afraid of water cloth. I guess that makes Oston the Omega Gervice, because not only is Oston afraid of a pelican, so adverse to water that he needed his tribe mates to save him in one challenge, and so willing to give up despite the fact that he’s huger than everyone else on the show combined (he wanted out for the first time on like, day six (6)!) that when all of those things are combined, he has also become the very first person in Survivor history to just give up and walk off the show. What a baby. My body is my temple my ass. You know how many people would kill to be on Survivor?

Jeff Probst’s anger with Oston visibly showed. (Anyone else notice that Jeff has been having some anger management issues this season? That boy needs to remember that he is just the host of a reality show.) Short of berating him to within an inch of his life and then pissing all over his face, Jeff was trying to do every single thing he could think of to call Oston out and get him back into the game. But despite Jeff, and then having all of his teammates tell him that he’s nuts to just give up, Oston stayed firm in being unapologetic about wanting to save his pretty body from the elements (which makes you wonder: If he had put that much energy into wanting to stay, couldn’t he have actually won the game???). Not only did Oston not get a final words segment (BURN!) but Jeff also took his torch and laid it on ground instead of keeping it with the other snuffed torches (DOUBLE BURN!). Oh god, do I love you Survivor.

So in short, if you haven’t been watching Survivor this season, what the hell are you waiting for? Surely the final season to Friends can’t be that important to you? Fuck Friends. You won’t find TV this good anywhere else.