I find myself lately subconsciously prone to thoughts of sex and violence. Not at the same time, but kind of like an off/on relationship of a light switch. Of course this isn’t really something shocking, considering that I surround myself with images of sex and violence on an almost minute to minute basis. But this isn’t quite the same as subconscious signals shooting out from your brain, where out of the blue you have these odd sudden urges and you aren’t entirely sure why. And they are fairly consistent in how back and forth they are.

I don’t think it really comes as any sort of shock to anyone that really knows me that I have sex on the brain, especially since like 90% of my posts in the last week have had something to do with breasts. The thing is that I have just recently started to notice on television how sex is everywhere, and everyone seems to be having it. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, SEX. Normally this wouldn’t bother me, in fact I encourage it, but when you haven’t talked face to face with an attractive member of the opposite sex in God knows how long, it starts to get to you.

This is overpowered by one feeling though, surprisingly enough with the revenge fantasy. These I don’t usually have. If ever. But suddenly quite frequently I find myself gleefully imagining myself beating a certain someone to a bloody pulp and then dancing a jig over their unidentifiable mass of a body. That’s just a fantasy that happens to be much more common than the others are.

Anyway, I’m wondering if these two impulses are somehow related, if because of one the other has been amplified in some way or another, if a current lack of sex has amplified my rage in some way or another, or vice versa. I quite frequently imagine what would happen if I ever saw that someone again, what I would do and how I would respond. Obviously there is the unrealistic baseball bat incident. I would also love to spit on them. I feel that would be fun. Saying horrible, horrible things, that would be fun too. Prank messages, disturbing mail, stuff like that. Destruction and mayhem are all I think about with this person. Not sex, interestingly enough. Which seems to send those thoughts elsewhere and they intensify.

I originally had a point as to why I wanted to say all of this. I forget it now. I should really start writing things down when I first think of them. Oh well. Kill Bill comes out tomorrow and I couldn’t be any happier. When I have some more coherent thoughts I’ll make sure to come to you with them.