Dear good friends:

My previous post was probably a little too pathetic and over the top depressing. I don’t really regret posting it, however, (OK, maybe a little bit) because it helped me get out some feelings that had been dragging me down lately, and now I’m back to being fun loving Ben. Thanks also to Anna for helping me to get pissed off at some people. Nothing quite makes you feel as good as feeling superior to stupid people.

Anyway I thought I’d document where all these feelings came from and what made up my gradual spiral into depression. First my sister left for college, thus leaving me alone in the house for the vast majority of the day. Still I had the bright spot of my driver’s exam, which would help me get out of the house, but unfortunately I failed that because of some stupid mistakes on my part. I was pretty hard on myself, not only because I had failed something, but also because I had to put my life on hold for another month while I waited for another chance at freedom. Then one of the few friends I hang out with here announced he’s moving to Maryland, thus making the total number of people I can talk to outside of my parents one.

As for the movie reviews, I don’t actually hate doing them. In fact for a long time I really liked doing them. Then one day as I was talking to one of my friends about my not writing my screenplay, he suggested that I spent too much time writing movie reviews, which thus tapped out all of my creative energy when it came time to write a screenplay. I thus had a sort of backlash against my constant movie viewing because I thought it was taking up too much of my time. Thus I stopped doing it.

One thing you should know about being completely alone in a house for a long period of time. The best thing you can do for yourself is to keep yourself busy. When I stopped watching movies every night and stopped writing big reviews every morning I didn’t actually do anything else with my added time. Hence I was just sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing, thinking of what I SHOULD be doing. This is probably the worst thing you can do for yourself, as it adds up to lots of moping around. I just recently realized that as long as I’m busy, even if it isn’t even with anything special, I’m so much happier.

Oh and then there was the fact that for a long time I suspected that certain people didn’t want to talk to me. Just the other day I discovered that at least one of those people really didn’t want to talk to me, and they did so in the most insensitive way possible at probably the height of my depression. Thanks a lot asshole.

But anyway, after last night when I actually started to think of these things and get my feelings out in the open, I felt much better. The fact that there is a new Matrix Revolutions trailer out also helped immensely. Too bad my internet cut out right before the end so I don’t know what they finished with. I’ll have to try again tonight. Still, what I saw was amazingly awesome. I can’t wait. Also I recommend all Belluci fans to search out pictures of her in Revolutions. There is a sweet still of her in her red leather outfit on the matrix website. I predict the most amazing special effect of Revolutions will be Belluci’s breasts. Don’t understand what I mean? Find a picture and instantly you’ll go “Ahhhhh.”

The thing is that through all of my self-pity pissing and moaning the point of my last point kind of got lost. Thanks to all of you who said you do read my movie reviews. That meant a lot. I don’t necessarily look for comments on every one of them, but to just know that people do read them makes me happy.

But anyway the question I was really asking in my last post was: Will anyone miss the daily postings? Is there anyone that checks up on them every day and will be sad if they don’t have something, no matter how stupid, to read every day? Or do you check the livejournal posts every few days or so, and thus it doesn’t really matter if I post every day? That was really what I was curious about. Sorry it came out in such a horrible fashion. Really I could go either way, so I wanted to hear some input before I made my final decision on whether to let my schedule slide or not. Anyway, happy reading.

PS: I hope everyone is watching the new Survivor. The new pirate theme kicks so much ass!