…here is a quote from Roger Ebert’s Underworld review:

“This is a movie so paltry in its characters and shallow in its story that the war seems to exist primarily to provide graphic visuals. Two of those visuals are Kate Beckinsale, who plays Selene, a vampire with (apparently) an unlimited line of credit at North Beach Leather, and Scott Speedman as Michael, a young intern who is human, at least until he is bitten by a werewolf — and maybe even after, since although you become a vampire after one bites you, I am uncertain about the rules regarding werewolves,

“Hold on, I just Googled it. A werewolf bite does indeed turn you into a werewolf, according to a Web site about the computer game Castlevania, which helpfully goes on to answer the very question I was going to ask next: ‘What would be the result if a werewolf bites a vampire? It is called a were-pire or wolf zombie…’”

How cool would a were-zombie be?

——

Did anyone else watch Survivor last night? That was probably the coolest first episode of Survivor I’ve ever seen. Hopefully it will stay that way. For those who missed it, the contestants were thrown off of the boat with only the clothes on their backs, their tennis shoes and a bag full of coins for buying supplies. Otherwise they have depend on piracy to survive, which the big, bearded guy who already kind of looked like a pirate proved by stealing the other team’s shoes to barter for more goods. Awesome. I’m disappointed the first person kicked off was the hot girl only wearing a strapless dress, no bra and, apparently, a thong, since there was a real good chance her outfit would fall to pieces before the end of the show, but alas it was not meant to be. Instead the Scout Leader proved she was a survivor by turning everyone’s attention on someone else when she figured out they wanted to kick her out first. She might last a while; she’s a smart one.

This survivor had a lot of firsts, like for three guys from one team stripping down naked during the middle of an immunity challenge so that their teammate who was only wearing loose boxers wouldn’t feel embarrassed. (One question: This isn’t meant to be racist, but why don’t black people like the water? It seems every Survivor has had one really athletic black guy who for some reason or another hated the water and couldn’t swim well at all. Is it a genetic thing or do they just not have pools where they grow up?) So far this is shaping up to be a great Survivor. I hope it stays that way. (And I love that the two teams are named after famous pirates. I think I made five separate rum jokes last night in response to team Morgan.)

One idea I just had: Wouldn’t it be cool if there was like a post-apocalyptic Survivor where the contestants came out of bomb shelters after a nuclear war and had to compete for food and supplies in a bombed out city? I think that would be awesome.